Are you tired of people who insist that dogs are the most wonderful creatures on the planet, while cats are snotty and aloof and just not worthy of being called pets? Well, so am I. In an attempt to help dog people understand how much alike cats and dogs are, I’ve developed this handy list of talking points. Here are some reasons cats are just like dogs, only better.

1. They both smell

Cats smell like fresh-cut hay, while dogs smell like stale corn chips — and whatever nasty offal they rolled around in while they were outside.

2. They’re both attention seekers

Dogs yap and whine when they want your attention. Cats sit on their perch of choice and stare holes into the back of your head.

3. They’re both loyal

Dogs’ loyalty is fawning and awestruck, but you have to earn cats’ loyalty by treating them with respect and unconditional love.

4. They both have needs

Dogs are so needy that they’re always in your face and slobbering all over you. Cats just sit in your lap and knead.

5. They both pee indoors

Cats, being the classy creatures they are, deposit their urine in a litter box and bury it when they’re finished. Very few dogs do the same.

6. They both chew things

Cats chew on expendable things like paper and cardboard. Dogs chew on expensive things like shoes and furniture.

What other reasons can you come up with? Share your answers in the comments. Also, if you think I’m dead serious, please get on the list for a funnybone transplant.

About JaneA Kelley: Punk-rock cat mom, science nerd, animal shelter volunteer, professional cat sitter, and all-around geek with a passion for bad puns, intelligent conversation, and role-play adventure games. She gratefully and gracefully accepts her status as chief cat slave for her family of feline bloggers, who have been writing their award-winning cat advice blog, Paws and Effect, since 2003.