Well, hello there! Another Friday is here, and we find ourselves together again for another Fanglish lesson. Fanglish, for those newbies out there, is the secret cat slang our kitties use when we humans aren’t around. “Secret” means they have no idea we know anything about their slang, and we’re wise to keep it to ourselves and allow them to think they’re smarter than we are. Well, I suppose that could be true, Fanglish or not.
My feline informant brings me a fresh list every week and I pay him for his efforts by way of cat treats. He enthusiastically accepts this exchange because when you crave the treats, you gotta do what you gotta do. He’s shameless.
This week, my informant delivers a fine list of terms with the theme of “smells.” Cats have keen sniffers and rely on their sense of smell a lot more often than humans do. Thus, kitties sling slang in a lot of directions when it comes to their powerful olfactory system.
Now that you have the lowdown, it’s time for our lesson! Pencils ready? Let’s go!
A rug with invisible spots that smell irresistible to a cat.
“Smokey’s rug of choice was the striped runner that led from the front door to the living room.”
A cat’s feeling he’s already smelled a particular shoe but can’t recall the specific incident.
“King Floppy rested his face in The Man’s loafer and was overcome with deja shoe.”
A human family member with body odor that smells offensive to humans but is pleasing to cats.
“Licorice looked forward to family holidays because Uncle Fester always arrived early and stayed late.”
A cat who enjoys smelling the inside of shopping bags.
“Vince, a well-known shopping scenter, loved seeing The Man return home from a lengthy grocery shopping trip.”
Releasing flatulence that’s attractive to a cat’s nose.
“Kiki was glad the dog ate his dinner very quickly and then spent the evening rear-diffusing.”
A cat’s thought when presented with a pair of fragrant jeans that have been worn several times.
“Percy saw The Man’s favorite work jeans on the laundry room floor and thought, ‘smells like jeans’ spirit!'”
A cat who smells foreign to other cats after returning home from a vet visit.
“When Mocha got back from her annual checkup, Popsicle and Gravytrain treated her like Doctor Who.”
Placed his nose in a human’s food or drink and emerged with a bit of said food or drink stuck to the end of his nose.
“Morty got nosey with The Lady’s blueberry yogurt while she took her morning shower.”
A peanut butter and jelly sandwich that’s thoroughly examined by a cat’s nose.
“The Man returned from the bathroom to find Jinx had made him a peanut butter and smelly sandwich.”
A pleasant scent wafting through the air.
“The Lady made beef stew for dinner, and a smellicopter drifted through the house, landing directly in Morris’ nose.”
Produce a smelly bowel movement outside the litter box.
“The Man was late on his scooping chores, so Leonard decided to stink outside the box.”
The attractive scent of ham.
“Misty loved Easter because it meant endless hours of hambrosia.”
Cautiously sniffing an expired bee.
“Harold was bored, so he jumped in the dining room window and began smelling bee.”
A pile of ripe dirty clothing that requires immediate laundering.
“Patches tipped over The Man’s dirty clothes hamper and immediately found himself in Funkytown.”
Remember, mum’s the word! Don’t forget to erase your browsing history, friends. Cats are sneaky, and we can’t let them know we’ve been together today. You understand, I’m sure. Of course you do.
See you next week for a new installment of Fanglish cat slang!