Oh, the gift of a stumpy carcass! My kitties aren’t allowed outside unless I am supervising. On the rare occasion that a kitty catches a bird or mouse, I am there to snuff out any joy that they would have received from its death.

If you are going to allow your cat outside, you really can’t train their hunting instincts out of them. It’s their nature, and when they bring you the kill, you should be flattered in their eyes. The cat values you as a member of the pride! Most of us try to win our cat’s approval with feathers on a stick, so consider yourself loved when Doodles drags in the tender vittles of love.

One thing you can try is a collar with a bell. This will warn potential prey that Doodles is nearby, and they should hustle. If you live in a neighborhood with larger wildlife, you might reconsider, since the jingle jangle might alert larger predators like wolves or pterodactyls that there is a delicious Doodles on the loose. Otherwise, it’s best to keep the cat inside! I understand that can be really difficult if a cat is accustomed to the great outdoors, but them’s the breaks, kid. Maybe it’s time to get out the crockpot. I’m sure there are recipes for opossum stew on the Internet.

“Dead Things” by Sarah Donner

Lyrics:

We have a good relationship
I just want you to know
So I will take a little trip
A-hunting I will go

When you really love someone
And you want to show them
You get them little gifts and mine
Just happen to be dead

When I care to send the very best
I’ll bring you fluffy bunny heads
Consider it a compliment

Cats within a colony
Will also share their prey
Mothers teach their babes to kill
With prey not dead all the way

When I care to send the very best
I’ll bring you fluffy bunny heads
Consider it a compliment

There’s not much you can do to change my mind
Your best bet is to keep me inside
Or a bell around my neck might help save lives

SOURCES: The Independent, Catster, HealthGuidance, Way of Cats