We have a couple of bird feeders hanging from a post on our back deck. My cats sit at the patio door for hours watching birdies of all sorts come and go. We like to call it “Bird TV.”

Although they love checking out the feathered set, sometimes I observe birds staring back at them. This always makes me laugh because I imagine all the things they might be thinking about Saffy, Cosmo and Phoebe. There would probably be a fair amount of teasing and mockery because my cats are stuck behind a screen door. If only I could get inside a bird’s head.

I’m going to pretend I can get inside a bird’s head — you know, like a bird whisperer — and make some observations about what I think our feathered friends are thinking about the six cats in the photos below. I can already get inside a cat’s head, so that part of this post is covered.

Please note: I am not a professional. This is for entertainment purposes only. Please don’t try this at home.

1. Sarcastic birds

This cat thinks he’s sneaky. He figures if he waits at the source of the food, the birds will magically fly into his mouth.

Birds’ thought: Oh, look — Felix thinks he’s invisible again. Isn’t he adorable? Let’s go next door. I think I saw fresh suet.

2. Mr. T chicken

I have friends who have chickens as well as cats, and the kitties can sometimes be interested in what’s going on with the fowl ones. From what I’ve seen, roosters can get pretty cocky (ha ha) and protective of the females. I imagine they may not be quick to roll out the welcome mat for a cat.

The cat thinks the rooster’s pretty cool and mysterious. He curiously approaches him to investigate.

Rooster’s thought: Does he not SEE these talons? I pity the fool.

Yes, in my mind, this rooster sounds like Mr. T.

3. Pretty, poopy bird

Some cats get to go on a deck or balcony, from where they can get a closer look at the birds. This is very exciting for the kitties. I think there must be a lot of that adorable “chirping” coming from this cat’s mouth. I believe he’s under the misconception that he has a chance of snagging the guy at the feeder.

Bird’s thought: I need to poop. Let’s see if I can aim for that cat’s head.

4. Cafeteria birds

In the winter, we see lots of cardinals, chickadees and other seasonal birds at our feeder. Cats think this is great because the snow does not interfere with Bird TV’s signal. This kitty probably feels overwhelmed with all the birds on the deck. Overwhelmed in a good way, of course.

Birds’ thoughts: Who are you, the cafeteria monitor? Go away.

5. Brazen baby

I’ve never held a wild baby bird, and have always thought — unless absolutely necessary — you should leave them alone. This bird gets a prime perching spot on someone’s arm. The cat is so disgusted, he can’t even look at the bird. The human is obviously betraying him by giving personal attention to that beaked thing.

Bird’s thought: Suck it, cat.

6. Tweety bird

First of all, this photo resembles a scene from a Sylvester and Tweety cartoon — the cat even looks like Sylvester! I can just imagine the elaborate setup: Sylvester pulls a ladder over to the feeders so he can reach in and grab the bird. In typical Tweety style, the bird in the feeder outsmarts Ladder Cat every single time. Puddy tats never learn. Sufferin’ Succotash!

Bird’s thought: That puddy tat’s obviously never seen a Looney Tunes cartoon.

What do you think birds would say to your cats? Tell us about your experiences in the comments!

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About the Author: Angie Bailey is an eternal optimist with an adoration of all things silly. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, thinking about cats doing people things and The Smiths. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, Texts from Mittens (birthed right here on Catster) and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that features sketches and mockumentaries. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food.