"Fang Shui" -- 10 Tips for Cats to Get Their Chi On
For thousands of years, humans have looked to the Chinese practice of feng shui to balance energy and bring good fortune into their lives. Feng shui is based on the concept that everything has life force or energy, called chi. Making certain adjustments to the living or work space allows chi to flow more freely, resulting in harmonious relationships, vibrant health, and overall prosperity.
Cats are smart and, after observing us over the years, have developed their own practice for becoming more fortunate felines. They call this practice fang shui. Here are some basic tips:
1. The litter box
If you want to discourage outside humans from visiting the home, place the litter box directly across from the entryway so it's the first object they see when they arrive. Bonus chi for fresh, uncovered poo deposited moments before their arrival.
2. Drippy faucets
Humans favor fountains as feng shui water elements used to bring business and career luck. We opt for drippy faucets, which provide interactive drinking stations and the comforting sound of plopping water droplets hitting the sink and bathtub.
We don't do anything that resembles business or career, so we simply enjoy this sound that drives humans crazy and keeps them awake at night, allowing for more attention and possible midnight treats for us. This is all very favorable chi.
3. The kitchen
The kitchen is one of the most important rooms in the home, because this is where the food happens. The placement of the can opener must be kept in a drawer that is organized so it's easy for humans to find at feeding time.
In order for us to keep our positive energy flowing, we must be fed at the exactly same times every day. Humans can sometimes be lazy or forgetful, so we must begin reminding them about an hour before feeding time. If they're late because of a selfish phone call or an extended shopping trip, we must be prepared to hack a hairball in the southwest corner of the home, cursing their relationships with a giant pile of bad chi.
We want to remind humans we are the most important beings in the home, so they should display at least two or three photos of us in each room, including the bathroom, laundry room, and any storage closets. No matter where they are in the home, they will see our image and smile, remembering we are the best chi that's ever happened to them.
5. Open bathroom doors
Feng shui instructs humans to keep bathroom doors closed, so good household chi doesn't escape through the drains and toilet. Conversely, fang shui advises cats to make sure bathroom doors always remain open -- and as widely open as possible. A closed bathroom door restricts access to drippy faucets and provides a barrier between us and humans while they are showering or using the facilities. Mewing and pawing desperately at a closed bathroom door is a total chi-kill.
6. Not-so-pleasing sounds
A cat's positive energy flow must never be disturbed, so it's imperative that humans keep their noisy activities to a minimum. Devices like hair dryers, vacuum cleaners, and electric mixers must be removed from the home.
Handsy strangers with booming voices and cackling laughter are the bearers of particularly bad chi and should be banned from the premises.
7. Natural light
Both feng shui and fang shui encourage the use of natural light whenever possible. For a cat, perhaps the most auspicious spot in the house is the area in direct line with a sunbeam, and the bigger the better. The burst of incoming sun is like a massive injection of benevolent chi to a cat. For this reason, in addition to wildlife-watching opportunities, window coverings of any kind should be eliminated.
8. Power spots
Spending as much time in the power spots in the home will bring much favor to a cat. The power spots are the areas that are frequently occupied by humans or stand in the way of humans getting things accomplished.
In most homes these power spots include, but are not limited to laundry baskets, desk chairs, stairs, middle of a hallway, sink, and in front of the television. Occupying power spots in the house increases your personal energy and is a total chi suckage for humans.
Boxes are major chi chambers, so much luck comes from spending as much time as possible inside them. Boxes of any size are favorable; however, chi is absorbed more readily from resting in one of snug-fitting proportions. A box in a sunny power area is a trifecta of benevolence.
10. Riding in motorized vehicles
The inside of cars and other motorized vehicles are vortexes of bad chi and should be avoided at all cost. Humans like to trick us into entering these spaces to visit veterinarians and groomers, but don't be fooled. If humans so badly want us to spend time with these people, they can invite them into our homes, where a litter box full of smelly poo will greet them at the door.
Does your cat have any fang shui tips? Let us know in the comments!