August 25th 2010 7:08 pm
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THIS POEM IS FOR MY TALLULAH....AUTHOR UNKNOWN
Pawprints in my Heart
pet loss memorial poem
My lap is too too empty, and cold
the soft resting head no longer there to warm it.
No comfort to be found, no furry body to stroke
my quiet companion gone....
My heart is broken, there are no other words
to write it - this empty ache, this space
you filled, loving always, never judging...
My friend has left, and my hands, arms, all
helpless to stop it.
Little one, fly free, where the fields are green
and filled with friends gone before. I will
carry you always, your pawprints ever beating,
running joyously to greet me whenever I call
and memory stirs in my heart...
Yesterday when I was at a clients home outside in their backyard with it being hot the dog and I were outside...there was no wind it was still...all of a sudden the wind picked up their chimes chimed a beautiful sound, their dog was looking up and following something...at that moment I knew it was my Tallulah. The hair on my arms and neck stood up...she was there with me...
Then I had to take the little dog for a walk...I usually take her on her side of the street,just down the street from them on both sides is a wooded area...for some reason I decided to go across the street...when I got into the wooded area I saw a beautiful white butterfly with a very small amount of black....it circled around my head and then it kept circling the area I was in...I knew it was my angel Tallulah...she was letting me know she was fine and she would be with me always in some form or another, maybe the butterfly, maybe the wind or even a little kitty kiss...she would never leave me alone...our bond so great it gave me peace to know she was able to show me such a beautiful butterfly and to show me it was OK...
Just wanted to let you all know this...it was amazing...it brought tears to my eyes again, but also a joy like none other...Fly free my sweet you deserve it...you were so brave and strong, you are so amazing....love you my angel...Mommy
August 25th 2010 2:21 pm
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I don’t know where to begin….but to say thank you for all of your emails, comments, gifts, love and support. At this time I am just unable to read them I will when I am feeling better. I can’t even be on her page right now it is too hard and it hurts too much.
You all have been here from the beginning with Tallulah’s fight she began in July of 2009. The love and support has been so awesome I know I would never have been able to get through this past year and these last few days without all of you.
Tallulah’s last visit with her oncologist he told me that it wouldn’t be long until the chemo wasn’t working and once that happened she was going to go fast, little did I know how fast….it was hard to hear, so I knew I had to spend as much time with her as I could.
Thursday I got the feeling that she wasn’t feeling well, Friday I knew she was going downhill and wasn’t going to be here for long. I made her comfortable, I hand fed her baby food when she stopped wanting her regular food.
She became very weak on Saturday, was having trouble getting around, she had to lay down after only walking a short distance.
I saw it in her eyes that her fight wasn’t as strong as it had been. She even felt different like some of her spirit was gone...
I didn’t sleep much as I was with her and I had to keep checking on her. I was crying and praying for her. I told her it was OK if she wanted to go…but she hung on.
Sunday came and she was worse, she crawled into her dog brofurs cage to sleep. I had to feed her in there, it was hard to pick her up as she cried every time I did…I felt I needed to let her lay there…then that evening I decided I needed to get her in her own bed the one that her boyfriend Merry sent to her just a few days earlier…she was happy to be in it, but she wanted to spread out, I think she was hurting when she was all curled up..
When I was ready for bed, I picked up her bed with her in it and she cried again and then she threw up which she never does…I knew that was not a good sign. Again I didn’t sleep I was so upset, crying and wanting to be with her.
Sometime during the night my sweet Tallulah found the strength to get from my nightstand I had her on to my bed…she wanted to sleep with me like she always did until recently. I lifted her even though I knew it was hurting her to get her to her spot near me…I petted her gently, loved her and kissed her. We both feel asleep for a short time, when I woke I knew what I had to do…she gave me her last gift of sleeping with me…I had to give her the gift of peace.
I got up around 5:30 am as I had to go take care of a dog, but I knew that my Tallulah came first, I had to let her go. So I called the Vet Emergency Hospital near me to see if I could bring her in, I couldn’t wait for her vet as I knew she would come to my home to help her.
The drive to the hospital was so hard and it was the worst drive I have ever had to do…I sat in the car for a short time trying to get the nerve to walk in and let my precious baby go.
They took us to a private room so I could spend some time alone with Tallulah before they took her to get her ready and to check her vitals. The Vet Tech brought her back to me and then the Vet came in. Told me to let her know when I was ready. I told her I will never be ready, but I knew I had to do this for her. We talked about Tallulah. She was still in her bed I didn’t want her last memory of me hurting her, so I put my face to hers, kissed her, lovingly petting her and told her I love her and I will see her again ..so around 7am she became my angel.
Know that she went peacefully, she was ready. Her fight had left her and her spirit was gone, her body just couldn’t take anymore…the bond we had will never be broken not even in death. The Vet spent some time with me and made sure I was OK…she told me her vitals were very weak she wouldn’t have lasted much longer.
The pit in my stomach that has been there for a long time was gone, I was at peace with knowing my Sweet Tallulah was an angel now being helped by all of her angel friends and guardian angels that have been watching over her this past year.
I brought her home to be buried in our yard with her other cat sisfurs.
This is the hardest diary entry I have had to write, but I wanted all of you to know about my sweet girl QT.
REST IN PEACE MY SWEET WHITE FURRY ANGEL WITH PINK WINGS…YOU WERE A QUEEN IN PINK, A FIGHTER AND A SURVIVOR…
Now my other gift to her will be to keep the fight going with me being on a campaign to spread the word that not only humans get cancer, but our precious pets, it is deadly to our little girl kitties…so please check back as I get ready to start my quest for my Tallulah that she did not die in vain…but in honor and to help others so they don’t have to hopefully go through what she went through..
For now I still need to heal and mourn my loss. Know that she loved you all she sat with me all the time and watched the computer screen…THANK YOU ALL….CRYING AS I TYPE THIS, IT STILL HURTS….Peggy QT’s mom
August 20th 2010 7:37 pm
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Well my friends I am not feeling well again it has been 2 weeks since my last chemo & the affects of making me feel better isn't working anymore. I am sleeping all the time now, not eating much; Mom is giving me baby food meat sometimes I lick it off a tiny spoon and other times I lick it off of her fingers..I don't want to eat my can food...
When I do get up and walk around I can't go far before I have to stop and lay down, it is too much for me to walk all over the house anymore.
Mom has been crying today because she knows my time here is short, we are going day by day now...she told me if I want to go to let her know and it is OK...but I am not ready just yet.
She told me she emailed an animal communicator to possibly talk to me about what I want and how I want to leave...she also ordered my casket it will be pink. Mom thought about having me cremated when the time comes but she just can't do it. So Mom is reluctantly accepting that I will loose my fight soon.
I am trying to tell Mom not to cry for me, I am OK and we will get through this together because we have always been together since the day she decided to adopt me, she told me we will always be together, we have now and forever, just not in body, but in spirit & in her heart, then one day we will be together again in heaven for always. But until then I am still here so don't give up on me Mom, just love me and be here for me like you always have been...and she is!!!!!!
Know we think of all of you, love you all and Mom will let you know how I am doing and what happens.
Breast Cancer Survivor and a fighter
Bless you all and please give your fur babies love
August 7th 2010 6:38 pm
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This is Tallulah's Mom Peggy
I haven't been on Caster lately because this past week Tallulah has not been doing well, she has been failing. So I have been spending my time with her and keeping watch.
I took her to her Oncologist appointment on Friday. Because QT hasn't been doing good and they saw that she was just laying in her crate, they examined her, did up blood work and the CBC. All her organs are good except of course her lungs and her blood was good. They weighed her she has lost 6 ozs. since her last visit 5 weeks ago. Her vet said she is now on borrowed time and she is a miracle because most cats would not still be here...that's my girl she is a fighter.
I decided to try the chemo one more time to help her feel better, she is suppose to go back in three weeks, but not sure if she will last that long only God knows...
She is weaker, slower and doesn't have much energy now...she does get up and walk around the house but just slower, she is sleeping most of the time and she is still eating.
We wanted all of our wonderful and special friends to know that QT's time here is short, not sure what tomorrow will bring or how much longer I will have here with me.
As a lot of you know it isn't easy, I am having a really hard time knowing I will be loosing my sweet precious Tallulah...I am cherishing every minute I have with her
With the sad news and knowing that I won't be on much or at all I won't be able to answer your pawmails right away, just pray for my baby...you don't need to send her jealies just prayers...
I will try to get on and let you know how she is doing but it is so hard for me to type this as it makes me cry....
I thank you all for the love, support and the care you have shown QT and me...words can not express how much it has meant to me....
We pray for all of the other kitties and doggies that are sick or have gone to the rainbow bridge...Bless all of you.
Peggy and my QT
July 26th 2010 7:54 pm
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I WAS TAGGED BY MUGSY!!!!!
1. Do you ever wake your parent up in the night? When I jump up on the bed and want to go to sleep with her on her hip..
2. Do you ever tear up things? No, I am the best kitty never do any damage at all
3. What is your favorite treat? I don’t like treats, but I have Mom trained to give me can food all the time
4. Can you fetch something when asked to do so? No but I chase the laser light, it’s a mouse, no a bug, no flying saucer, Oh it is only the laser light.
5. Have you ever lived any place other than where you live now? YES On the street, then at the place that rescued me “FRIENDS OF CATS” and finally the best place ever, my forever home with my Mom.
Now I am going to tag my sisfur Xena, brofur Zeke, friends Anna & Tabitha.
July 19th 2010 8:50 pm
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To All Of My Friends,
One year ago tomorrow I had my mammary cancer surgery as Mom and I reflect back on this past year we have realized what is important..
Catster Mom's and our kitty friends....not all of the other things that go on here in catsterland...we got so much support and love from so many. Mom doesn't know what she would have done without all of you and how much you have helped her and me...
SO THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU!!!! WE WOULD LOVE TO THANK ALL OF YOU PERSONALLY BUT THERE ARE SO MANY TO THANK.
SPECIAL THANKS YOUS TO HAZEL LUCY FOR MAKING MY PRETTY PINK BLANKIE & COLLAR FROM TYLER A SPECIAL FRIEND NOW AN ANGEL
DUSTY MILLER FOR MY ST. FRANCIS OF ASSISI MEDAL, HOLY WATER AND PRETTY BLANKET WITH MY NAME ON IT (QUEEN TALLULAH)...I MIGHT ADD THAT SINCE MOM PUT MY ST. FRANCIS MEDAL ON ME IT HAS NOT COME OFF & MOM PUTS MY HOLY WATER ON ME EVERY TIME I GO TO THE VET...
TO SKY FOR MY PRETTY TOWEL WITH MY NAME I SLEEP ON IT ON TOP OF MY CAT TREE...ALFIE FOR MY TEDDY BEAR THAT GOES WITH ME TO MY VET VISITS TO KEEP ME COMPANY (I NAMED HIM ALFIE)
TO MY SWEETHEART MERIDOC AND HIS FAMILY FOR BEING HERE FOR ME AND FOR SUPPORTING MOM THROUGH IT ALL...TO LOUISE LE BEAU WE ARE FIGHTING CANCER TOGETHER...
AND ALL OF MY SPECIAL ANGELS- BUDDIE, CALVIN, AVA AND SO MANY MORE.
TO MY MANY FRIENDS FOR ALL MY GIFTIES, LOVE AND BEING HERE FOR ME, HELPING ME FIGHT AND KEEP FIGHTING...
There were a couple of times when I had trouble like when I didn't want to wake up after my CT SCAN...but I knew I had my GUARDIAN ANGELS there with me telling me QT it isn't your time yet, you need to wake up, start breathing on your own, it took Mom along with you all to help me come back, my holy water and my blankie....I pulled through...
Every time I had to go in to get my chemo we prayed that I would be OK and the chemo would work, you all were there pulling for me and supporting me & Mom...even when my veins collapsed and I couldn't have the chemo...Mom made the decision not to continue if they couldn't continue without poking me in all my legs...I knew you all were there helping me to heal my veins, getting me & Mom through this..with your help I was able to get my treatment..
I am a survivor thanks to all of you, I feel the love and support from you all, it never leaves me or Mom...you and your Moms have been so supportive, you all love me and think I am pretty special, special enough to have Chai Latte's Mom want me to be her 3 day breast cancer walk teams mascot...WOW what an honor and I don't take it lightly I might add...thank you Chai Latte's Mom you honor me so..
I want to thank HQ's too for making me CAT OF THE WEEK & Diary of the Day many times...and for this wonderful place where me and Mom have gotten support from other cats and their Mom's who are cat lover's too we might not have gotten through this past year if not for all of you..
So me and Mom will be celebrating tomorrow on my one year survival of having mammary cancer surgery and surviving BREAST CANCER...not to say I am cancer free because I am not I AM STILL FIGHTING AND I WILL CONTINUE TO FIGHT...BECAUSE OF ALL THE SUPPORT AND LOVE I GET FROM YOU ALL..
THERE ARE NO WORDS TO SAY HOW WE FEEL ABOUT ALL OF YOU AND HOW YOU HAVE HELPED US THIS PAST YEAR...YOU ALL ARE IN OUR HEARTS FOREVER AND WE LOVE YOU ALL..
Catster is more than a place to put pictures, decorate, play and have fun...it is love, support and caring in good times, bad times and sad times, which I might say we have had way to much sadness here lately, but when there is sadness;when we all lose a good friend we all pull together to support the families, that is what catster is all about....let's not forget...
Lastly I want to tell all Moms love your kitties, cherish them each and everyday because none of us know what tomorrow will bring...we are precious gifts from God, to love, keep safe and cherish...
Breast Cancer Survivor and fighter
I made it a year WOW so good to be here...next on the 22nd I will be 11....another mile stone for me...
WE LOVE YOU ALL AND A BUG HUGE THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF OUR HEARTS FOR BEING HERE FOR MY MOM AND ME....
June 28th 2010 5:28 pm
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Mom told me to tell all of my friends sorry for not writing in my diary or being around lately...she has been in a funk she says and just hasn't felt like getting on the computer, she worked in the yard and hurt her neck and shoulders so she hasn't felt good....
Well now on to me, good news and bad news for me....I am holding my own and still doing good...my quality of life is good...
this round of chemo hasn't changed my tumors at all, they are not smaller or gone...but my Vet Specialist says he can see them better...is that good or bad? not sure....
he told Mom that I can have another round of chemo the same as last year, he hopes it will help me....he says if Mom decides to not do the chemo I will probably not do well and will get sick fast and not be around....
Mom said that I am acting normal and my quality of life is still good so she wants me to have more chemo....
Mom is upset and sad because she was hoping the news would be better, but that is not to be...I am a fighter I will continue to fight, I am not ready to leave my Mom and she isn't ready for me to go and as long as I am doing good she will keep fighting for me and I will fight too....
I did maintain my weight Mom was so happy about that and so was my Vet...
I still need all of your prayers and support because this fight is still on and I need you all to help with the fight...I am not giving up and neither is Mom, we love each other and we are here for each other....we love you all and thank you for your support and love for me...
I am the fighter and I will be here for a long time...not giving up,no I am not...
June 11th 2010 2:57 pm
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My very special friend Tabitha # 1125537 who also went through breast cancer surgery made a Light a Candle page for me..we want to THANK HER AND HER MOM for taking the time to do such a nice thing for me...yes I still need prayers and purrs....
Here is the site: http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/candles.cfm?l=eng&gi=Que en
Please light a candle for me and for all of our catster friends that need our prayers....
Me and Mom thank all of you for the support you have given to me during these last 11 months and we know you all will be here for me as I continue to fight cancer and to hang on...I am still doing good and feeling well...
We are also praying that Catster will soon be active again and we all will be happy...we are sad that so much has happened and changed...know we are here and we support all of you..
love to you all!!!
June 6th 2010 9:18 pm
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MOL I realized I haven't been writing in my diary to let all my friends know how I am doing!!!!
Well I am doing good, I am enjoying life I am...my days are filled with love, kisses, brushing and getting can food whenever I want...
I am spending my days sleeping in my nice warm heated bed, laying on the floor, sleeping on Mom when she gets home and at night I am with her for a while then I go sleep in one of our many cat beds....
Now that the weather is getting nice out before or after Mom goes to walk the doggies she lets me outside on my leash so I can soak up the sun and eat grass...I love just sitting in the sun and getting vitamin D....sun feels so warm and healing...
Hooray I haven't had to go to the Vet and I don't know when I go back but I am just happy Mom doesn't have to trick me and get me into the carrier and car....I am enjoying my life and Mom is enjoying me each and everyday...she loves me all the time, I gets lots of kisses, scritching and pets....oh that is so wonderpurr to have my Mom here with me and me with her...I love my Mom and I am ENJOYING LIFE...
THE PINK QUEEN AND BREAST CANCER SURVIVOR
May 29th 2010 10:12 pm
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HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY TO ALL OF OUR WONDERFUL AND SPECIAL FRIENDS...
MOM AND I ARE WRITING IN MY DIARY TONIGHT FOR ALL OF OUR FAMILY TO SAY THANK YOU ALL FOR ALL OF OUR YUMMY HAMBURGERS, HOT DOGS AND SWEET TREATS....MOM WAS TRYING TO SEND THANK YOUS TO EACH ONE THAT SENT US SOME GOODIES BUT AS ALL OF YOU KNOW WE ARE ALL GETTING SO MANY FROM ALL OF OUR WONDERFUL FRIENDS...THIS IS SO AWSOME THAT WE ALL CAN DO THIS WITHOUT IT COSTING US...THANKS HQ..WE JUST ARE UNABLE TO PERSONALLY THANK YOU...
SO WITH THAT SAID WE THANK YOU ALL AND WE HOPE EACH OF YOU ARE HAVING A WONDERFUL, FUN, RELAXING AND SAFE WEEKEND...
WE ARE JUST HANGING OUT WITH MOM AND DAD THIS WEEKEND...ENJOYING HAVING OUR MOM HOME WITH US...
LOVE AND HUGS TO ALL OF YOU FROM ALL OF US
QT, XENA, ZEKE AND KANDI
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