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Timo's Tall Tales

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About cream and stirring up anger

December 28th 2011 2:07 pm
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Found this cat-related item in Mom's big book. The one that's laying on the coffee table and she has her nose in it every day:
As the beating of cream yields butter
and striking the nose causes bleeding,
so stirring up anger causes quarrels.

In other cat related news:
"Police dog helps nab man after chase"
Whoo hoo. You go Canine. Good work. This is the sixth time this guy has been arrested this year. He thought he could outrun a Police doggy. Nope. He got bit in the ankle too. The man, not the dog.

Copycatright - Des Moines Register, 12/28/2011

The moral of the story:
The man should not have stirred up anger in the Police dog. He should have instead just stirred cream. Much safer.


He is here!

December 24th 2011 5:25 pm
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For unto us a Child is born;
Unto us a Son is given;
And the government will be upon His shoulder.
And His name will be called
Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
Of the increase of His government and peace
There will be no end.
Upon the throne of David and over His Kingdom,
To order it and establish it with judgment and justice
From that time forward, even forever.
The zeal of the Lord of hosts will perform this.

Thank you Lord Jesus for coming to us, and living among us.
All this to save us.

Glory to God in the highest,
And on earth peace, goodwill toward men!

Merry Christmas


There's a Burd on my Tree

December 23rd 2011 9:55 am
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So like Mietzi reported, Mom was gonna spend more time with the Lord because she just committed her life to following Him and I understand. I mean, we know the Lord. He's the one who made us and we spend time with Him too. Do you really think we're sleeping all the time when our eyes are closed? Sometimes we do, but sometimes we are praying for our friends and reflecting on what a wonderful life He has given us. I found the purrfect solution for Mom's time management problem! It's easy. She just has to get up earlier. Mietzi will help her accomplish that. Mietzi is a good alarm clock (the girl can be so annoying when she wants something). There. Problem solved.

Now to my Burd News. There is a Burd in my wonderpurr Christmas tree!!!
A big, red Cardinal. Up until now our tree was burd free. We have three cats sitting in the tree. They are nice. A Purrsian, a Meezer (my favorite) and a Tabby. Now Mom hung the burd in the tree. He was a present from a co-worker. That co-worker must not like Mom, giving her a burd. Mom likes the Cardinal. She says it's her favorite burd. I have to keep a close eye on him now. Knowing burds he's going to kaka all over our nice tree. I tried to get him out. I was standing on my hind legs and had one paw up on a branch as high as I can reach but Mom caught me and said I'm a bad boy and I'm NOT to touch the tree or Santa won't bring me anything.

May the burd fall out of the tree soon. May your tree always be burd-free.


Mom is going under water!

December 22nd 2011 5:07 am
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see Mietzi's diary please about Mom getting totally, completely WET *shudder*


It'll be Christmas in 12 days !!

December 1st 2011 6:43 pm
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Whoopee only 12 more days 'til it's Christmas!
No, make that 11. I won something at Newman's "The 12 Days of Christmas giveaway" because I bought his Poopology book. You know, the funny one with all the stuff about poopies. Anyway, I'm winner number one, so only 11 more days and it'll be Christmas. If you bought the book you'll be entered automatically in the drawing.

Newman dude, feel free to put a link to your book in the comments so that my friends can win too. Mom has no patience with links on Catster.

Thank you very much for the present, Newman. You rock! I think I won a toy. Mietzi thinks the winners are MIETZI and Timo. That must be a mistake. Mietzi didn't even read the book yet. I read it. I hope the toy has nip in it.

Poop on.

Pee Es: another sure sign that it'll be Christmas very soon is, today we had a few of them little white things falling from the sky. Not many. Not enough to cover the ground. What is that again? Oh ya, I remember from last year. They are cold and wet if you step on them.


DDP and Mom is going away

November 17th 2011 6:51 am
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Whoo Heee. I'm a DDP today. Thank you so much, Diary Girl.
See Tabbies - If you write about a turkey bird you get a DDP.

Thank you to Teddy Bearz and Big Harry who made lovely pictures for me. Teddy Bearz also sent me a blue ribbon. I'll wear that for sure. It gives me the distinguished look I need when I'm running for major. I'm considering if I should run, because a small town in Iowa just elected a dead man as major. I think I would be a better choice.

Teddy Bearz might be my campaign manager. Oh and talking about my pawsome new friend Teddy Bearz, please keep purring for him. He needs your purrs. THAT'S ALL I WANT FOR MY DDP. Keep you zealies please. Just purr for him. Thanks. He commented on my last diary entry. You can click on his picture there and get to his page.

Mom is going to work in a minute and then tonight she will watch 'Wicked' and come home late. I have no idea why she wants to watch something Wicked. And tomorrow she'll have a long day at work. They have a seminar and stuff and lots to do. So she'll let me back on here eventually for my Thank You's. After she's done being busy.

Have a great day everypurr. It's cold in Iowa, 23 degree.
your TK


Coloring a bird and I might run for Major

November 16th 2011 11:08 am
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Oooh, there is a contest in the mewspaper. You color a turkey bird and you can win prizes. The deadline is today. I have to hurry and finish my bird. They have three different CATogories:
under 5 years
6-8 years
and 9-12 years.
I'm 8, so I can purrticipate.

Also in today's mews: You just gotta love Iowa. The people in a small town in Iowa (not our town) elected a new major. Only problem, the major had passed away 5 days before the election. Everybody knew that he wasn't around anymore but they elected him anyway for sentimental reasons. I think I might run for major at the next election. If they can elect a major who is already in heaven, then they can elect a cat too.

First orders of business:
Close our dog park, Yay.
STRICT enforcement of our leash law for dogs. If you don't keep your woofer on a leash, you'll be sentenced to scooping dog-poop for a week.



My Contract with Mom

November 11th 2011 5:50 am
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Well, it seems breakfast and supper are served an hour late around here now. Are they allowed to do that? Change the serving times on us like that? I need to find my contract and see if that is in there. You know that we all sign a contract before moving in with our humans, right? I think I signed mine when I was at the white coats a long time ago. I remember they had some paperwork out just before I fell asleep and some human was holding my paw too. So I guess I must have signed it. This was when I lost my front claws and I think I lost something else too. I just remember feeling different when I woke up. Not bad, just different. Calmer around girlcats for sure.

Anyway, back to my contract. If I remember correctly – and I might have dreamed this - the contract says that I, a cat, am to provide to the human(s):
• Warmth and snuggles when needed
• Comfort and purrs as much as needed
• Headbonks
• A listening ear when needed
• A happy disposition always
• I agreed to use my teeth and claws sparingly and never to cause any serious injury.
• I agreed to listen to whatever name the human chooses to call me.
• I am to allow the human to call me all kinds of cute pet names (*shudder* why is that in there).

In return the human will provide to me:
• Food as much as needed
• A warm place to sleep
• A litter box
• Protection from danger
• Healthcare
• Belly rubs and chin scritches on command
• Reasonable amount of playtime
• Will always look out for my best interests and never, ever abandon me, even when I’m old.

I think I had them put that last clause in there because the last humans I had, before this Mom, they actually abandoned me when they had to move. I think this is a pretty good contract. The woofers usually have more complicated contracts. They have to do all kinds of stuff. Now I need to find my contract and see if there are set food serving times in the fine print.

Off to look through Mom’s paperwork,


Guest Cat

November 6th 2011 12:52 pm
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So we have this guest cat. She’s been visiting off and on for, oh, two and a half years I think. Mom didn’t want us to talk about her because she’s ugly. MOL, just pulling your leg.
No, I think she’s purrty. But we live in a condo – not a cat condo, a human condo – and there are rules on how many cats can live here. So let’s count.
We got me - that’s one.
Mietzi – Mietzi is small, she counts as half a cat.
Guest Cat – Guest Cat is big, she’s as big as I am. So she counts as one cat.
Mom says we would be a little bit over the limit.

So therefore guest cat doesn’t really live here. She’s just a guest. She belongs to somebody else and just spends a lot of time here visiting. Oh, if any of you are friends with Mom on Facebook, pssst, OK? We don’t talk about guest cat on Facebook. Well, we don’t talk about any cat on Facebook. Facebook is for humans, Catster is for kittehs.

I think guest cat is purrty. Very, very purrty. More later.


I won a bag of dog food

November 4th 2011 7:43 pm
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Yippee, I won! I mean Mom won a bag of dog food at the pet store where she buys our food sometime. Mom had entered a drawing and was actually hoping to win the bicycle. Now how silly is that. I don’t ride a bicycle. Well, maybe if it had a little basket Mom could take me for rides. Anyway, Mom got a call about having won dog food and Mom told the nice lady thank you very much but she has no dogs, only cats. The lady said she could have cat food instead. Yessss.

So today, FINALLY, Mom goes over to the store to collect my winnings *jumping up and down*. So the guy in the store tries to give her dog food, Mom explains that she has cats, not dogs and could she have food for cats instead. No, says the guy, this was a special promotion by this one company and there is only dog food. Mom tells him but the lady who called said she could have cat food. So the guy says the lady is not working today but he’ll see what he can do. He goes away to make a phone call (most likely to the lady who promised us cat food). He comes back and YES that company also makes cat food and they have some in the store. He just didn’t know that they have it. Chicken, Duck or Salmon? Chicken, says Mom. Chicken is always good.

GOOD CHOICE Mom. Mom I love you. THANKS for not bringing home dog food or a bicycle. The new bonbons are delicious. Mietzi and I already tried. Mmmh yum yum. Only guest cat didn’t get any. Guest cat is supposed to lose some weight and she already had enough wet food. Oops. I’m not really supposed to talk about guest cat but Mom has decided, after much thinking, to kinda let you guys know about her. And besides. Today is guest cat’s birthday and Mom FORGOT. Ha. I know who Mom loves the best. ME. Because Mom didn’t forget about my bonbons.

More later about guest cat. But tomorrow Mom has to get her hair colored, her tires rotated, clean, wash, shop, cook. No – Mom doesn’t cook. Go out to eat. And then maybe she’ll let me back on here to talk about guest cat.

Nighty night. I need to beg for more bonbons. They are from Fromm.

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