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Timo's Tall Tales

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Car Hunting

April 21st 2012 5:14 pm
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Mom only caught and tested two cars today, her back kinda hurt. But we're making progress. Toyota RAV4, oh yeah. Like.
Nissan Rogue, hmmm, maybe.

On the way back from the dealer, on I-80, something funny happened. Mom was driving along and suddenly all the displays that show the speed and how much fuel you have and stuff, went black. She could just very faintly make out how fast she was going. Normally our Vibe's display is red on black. Mom thought, oh well, if she can't see how fast she's going she'll just eyeball it. I wonder when the Police stops her, if they accept the argument: hey Officer, sorry, i can't see how fast I'm going. Not my fault if I was going too fast.

When Mom was back home she fiddled with the dial and the display came back on. Thank catness. Mom wasn't going to get that fixed but it's just safer if you can see how fast you're going.

Now Mom talks alot about fog lights and moonroof (huh, the moon doesn't have a roof) I've been thinking about the important extras that this new car needs to have:

a cat bed - why are there no cat beds in cars? We would not need to sit in pet carriers if there was only a comfortable cat bed. That's why we scream and holler in our carriers.

a velvet blanket to knead - a friend of mine has a velvet blanket and he says velvet is the best

an automatic kibble dispenser and water bowl holder - Mom, you snack in the car, so why should we go hungry?

a litter robot for when we need to go. You don't want to make a pit stop every time a cat needs to go, right?

the back of the drivers seat should have a surface for scratching. Sisal, carpet or cardboard. Why hasn't anybody thought of that? Turn the back of the seat into a scratching post.

Nip cigars and nip bananas need to be kept in the glove box, yeah.

What other extras do you think we'll need?


What car should I buy?

April 20th 2012 6:23 pm
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Hi furs:
I'm looking to buy a new car. Well, actually Mom will pay for it but I'm helping her select one. What kind do you drive, um ride? Do you like it?

Mom's car is almost 10 yrs. old and got over 100,000 miles on it. So I figured it's time for a new one.

I want one that's very quiet, doesn't stink, has nice soft cushions and never drives to the vet. It needs to have room for two to three cats and a chauffeur. (no dogs allowed!)

Mom wants one that's dependable, cheap and has some room in the back. We are thinking maybe Ford Escape, Toyota RAV4, Chevy Equinox, Honda CR-V, Kia Sportage. Maybe Subaru Forester would be nice because all of them drive with all wheels. Nissan Rogue? Does anypurr have a Rogue?

The new car needs to have food bowl holders, a automatic water fountain and a built in litter robot. Very important: it needs to have WCAT TV. We need our WCAT with Newmie's traffic updates from the hot air balloon and Samoa McBoa with the latest breaking news.

What car do we have now? *hangs head in shame* An old Pontiac Vibe. Mom likes it a lot. It got lots of room in the back, more than you'd think from looking at it. Let me know what you think.

Thanks. Vrrooom, Vrrooomm


I got a tire for my birthday

April 9th 2012 7:54 pm
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Thank you SO MUCH everypaw for all the neat gifts, comments, mails, photos for my birthday. You guys are great. I was so happy that somebody at least remembered my birthday. Thank yous are coming. Mom is slow with this as always.

Mom has somewhat made up for it that she forgot my birthday on Friday.
Saturday she rushed to the pet supply store to find something for me. She got me a tire. No, not the one around my waist. This one you can play with. You can jump through and on top and you can chase your sisfur around it. You can sit on top of it and shapen your claws too. (see photo on my page)

Sunday I got a mouse (photo on my page also). And then Mom sprinkled nip on the carpet for us to enjoy. This is special, wonderful home-grown nip from dear friends of us. Whoo Hoo, we had a nip pawty and went all crazy. We started chasing each other and wrestling. Guest cat, who stays here sometimes, really had to get out of the way, because Mietzi was zooming by with top speed and made those weird meows that almost sound like barking. Guest cat is weird, she is not affected by nip at all. And to top it all off we got these pawsome natural Salmon treats that Mom got from the Brown Dog Bakery a little while ago. Yes, Mom met a brown dog there. But he was just a customer, he doesn't live there. He begged Mom for some of our kitty treats because his Mom was chatting and slow to pick out his treats.

So it was a nice birthweekend. But I think Mom still owes me. I'll think of more ways to collect.

Hope you all had a nice Easter weekend.


I have the worst Mother ever

April 6th 2012 7:41 pm
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Oh my cat. You won't believe this. This mother of mine is the worst one of all. Do you know what she did? She FORGOT my birthday. It's my birthday today Mom!

Mom came home from Good Friday service and checked her email. I heard her mumbling: why are there so many from Catster?
Well, because it's my birthday, Mom!

So I got nothing today. No 'Happy birthday dear Timo', no gifts, no snacks, no extra snuggles. What am I supposed to do with this human?

I am glad that my birthday is on Good Friday this year. It is a Good Friday indeed. The Lamb has paid the price once and for all. We will praise your name, Jesus.

That's from a song that the choir at church sang and Mom has been singing it ever since she came home.

Thank you so much for your gifts and pawmails. I have to go do something about Mom now. I just don't know what yet. I'm open for suggestions.

birthday boy Timo


Geese get a handout, Turkeys don't

March 24th 2012 7:23 am
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Some burd news for all my cat friends:

Geese first - Father and mother goose found a perfect spot for their nest. A big planter in front of a Mexican Restaurant here in Des Moines. The mom has laid about three eggs (it's hard to get close enough to get an exact count). Father goose is busy protecting his future offspring. If people walk too close, he will hiss at them. If people go way too close, he will try to bite them. Father goose also sits on top of customer's parked cars just to make a point about who's territory this is. The restaurant staff is happy about their new neighbors. They report the happy couple doesn't like chips but they eat crumbs. Who knew that geese like Mexican.

Turkeys next - The Department of Natural Resources, in a certain Iowa town, is asking people NOT to feed the wild turkeys. They don't want the dozen or so turkeys to get used to handouts. Also, the males can get aggressive in the springtime protecting their hens. If you find wild turkeys on your property, chase them away and tell them: Go find your own food.

Copycat rights: freely retold after Des Moines Register articles from 3/23/12 (geese) and the other I don't know. Somepurr ripped the date off that page.


Hairball tonight

February 26th 2012 11:14 am
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In today's newspaper: 'Hairball performs tonight at the Iowa State Fairgrounds.'
I need to get over there and get in on the act. I throw a good hairball.


Story Time - Elsie

February 18th 2012 10:32 am
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Die Ilse, die Ilse
keiner will se.
Da kam der Koch
und nahm sie doch,
weil sie so nach Käse roch.
The Elsie, the Elsie
nobody wants her.
Then came the cook
and her he took
because she smelled like cheese a lot.

The moral of the story: If you smell like cheese, the cook in your house will like you.


Somebody won the lottery

January 28th 2012 8:55 am
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Before you come banging on my door, we didn’t win the lottery. Otherwise I'd be writing you from Maui right now. At least I don't think it was us. Nobody actually knows who won the Hot Lotto prize worth as much as 14.3 million. You have purrobably heard of the lotto saga here in Iowa. The prize went unclaimed for a little over a year. Then some mysterious lawyer from Mew York stepped forward, two hours before the ticket was to expire, and said: I claim the prize on behalf of the winner. Who’s the winner? He says he represents a trust. He had the winning ticket. The police investigated and found that it was the real ticket.

But the Iowa Lotto officials refused to pay because Iowa law says the names of the people behind the trust have to be made know to the Lotto officials. So they set this Mew York lawyer a deadline, which was yesterday, to tell the names. Everybody in Iowa was waiting to hear: who is the winner? why didn’t they claim this prize earlier?
Well, Furrsday evening the lawyer said ‘forget it’ and withdrew his claim. He says he doesn’t know the names of the people behind the trust.

Now a lot of people are wondering: Why would the people in the trust not want their names to be known? Who would turn down 14.3 million?
Somebody who has lots of money already and doesn’t need any more? Donald Trump, Mitt Romney? Is there something shady going on?

What’s a trust you say? Well, it works like this. Let’s say Pipo, Finney and I realize that we got so many presents for Christmas, we can’t play with all of them. So we decide to pool all our extra toys together in a trust. This way we’ll have them for leaner times. Also all our mousies together are probably going to multiply. That’s what the humans call interest. Now we need a safe place to store our abundance. How about Belize? A small country in the middle of Central America with a nice beach. Our mousies will feel great over there. Now we need a name for our trust so that the Belize people know who’s toys those are. Hmmm, help me think here, how about The Three Stooges Investment Trust.
Ha, extra bonus. The Belize people say we don’t even have to write down our names anywhere. They give us a secret password and so nobody knows who’s really behind the Three Stooges Trust.

Now on a side note: Mom has shopped in that QuikTrip where the winning ticket was bought. More than once actually. It’s in our neck of the woods. Hmmm, that makes me wonder…… Mom always says money won’t make you happy…. But really, Mom….


Today is National BURD DAY

January 5th 2012 7:13 pm
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Oh my gosh. I had no idea. Mom saw it on that FB thingy. Today is national BURD day. Quick. Help me think. How should we celebrate this occasion?

I'm thinking a big, juicy turkey maybe? Nope, takes too long to make.

We need a burd! How can I celebrate national burd day without a burd in the house? I know cats who have finches and parakeets and fun things like that. Why can't we have burds, Mom?

I know. I can finally get that burd off the Christmas tree. Yes, it's still sitting up there. Yes, we still have the tree up. Mom says they usually leave it up 'til January 6 in Germany because that's Three Kings Day. You know. The three kings from the east who brought presents to baby Jesus. I love our tree. I bat at it sometimes. I'm happy that it's still up. Yes, I will remove my Christmas music off this page, eventually.

Need to take a nap now and dream about burds.
Peep, Peep


The Bacon Fest is sold out!!

January 1st 2012 5:47 pm
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Happy New Year from me also.
While Mietzi reported on trivial stuff, like doing squat or not doing squat, I need to inform you about the important news.

The 5th Annual Bacon Fest is sold out!!! Sorry, all 4,000 tickets were snatched up in only 25 minutes. If you want to try to sneak in to the Des Moines Bacon Fest, be at my house on February 18th at 11:00 a.m. central time, and I'll distract the ticket taker. Wear something that blends in, OK?

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