Timo's Tall Tales

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Hairball tonight

February 26th 2012 11:14 am
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In today's newspaper: 'Hairball performs tonight at the Iowa State Fairgrounds.'
I need to get over there and get in on the act. I throw a good hairball.


Story Time - Elsie

February 18th 2012 10:32 am
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Die Ilse, die Ilse
keiner will se.
Da kam der Koch
und nahm sie doch,
weil sie so nach Käse roch.
The Elsie, the Elsie
nobody wants her.
Then came the cook
and her he took
because she smelled like cheese a lot.

The moral of the story: If you smell like cheese, the cook in your house will like you.


Somebody won the lottery

January 28th 2012 8:55 am
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Before you come banging on my door, we didn’t win the lottery. Otherwise I'd be writing you from Maui right now. At least I don't think it was us. Nobody actually knows who won the Hot Lotto prize worth as much as 14.3 million. You have purrobably heard of the lotto saga here in Iowa. The prize went unclaimed for a little over a year. Then some mysterious lawyer from Mew York stepped forward, two hours before the ticket was to expire, and said: I claim the prize on behalf of the winner. Who’s the winner? He says he represents a trust. He had the winning ticket. The police investigated and found that it was the real ticket.

But the Iowa Lotto officials refused to pay because Iowa law says the names of the people behind the trust have to be made know to the Lotto officials. So they set this Mew York lawyer a deadline, which was yesterday, to tell the names. Everybody in Iowa was waiting to hear: who is the winner? why didn’t they claim this prize earlier?
Well, Furrsday evening the lawyer said ‘forget it’ and withdrew his claim. He says he doesn’t know the names of the people behind the trust.

Now a lot of people are wondering: Why would the people in the trust not want their names to be known? Who would turn down 14.3 million?
Somebody who has lots of money already and doesn’t need any more? Donald Trump, Mitt Romney? Is there something shady going on?

What’s a trust you say? Well, it works like this. Let’s say Pipo, Finney and I realize that we got so many presents for Christmas, we can’t play with all of them. So we decide to pool all our extra toys together in a trust. This way we’ll have them for leaner times. Also all our mousies together are probably going to multiply. That’s what the humans call interest. Now we need a safe place to store our abundance. How about Belize? A small country in the middle of Central America with a nice beach. Our mousies will feel great over there. Now we need a name for our trust so that the Belize people know who’s toys those are. Hmmm, help me think here, how about The Three Stooges Investment Trust.
Ha, extra bonus. The Belize people say we don’t even have to write down our names anywhere. They give us a secret password and so nobody knows who’s really behind the Three Stooges Trust.

Now on a side note: Mom has shopped in that QuikTrip where the winning ticket was bought. More than once actually. It’s in our neck of the woods. Hmmm, that makes me wonder…… Mom always says money won’t make you happy…. But really, Mom….


Today is National BURD DAY

January 5th 2012 7:13 pm
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Oh my gosh. I had no idea. Mom saw it on that FB thingy. Today is national BURD day. Quick. Help me think. How should we celebrate this occasion?

I'm thinking a big, juicy turkey maybe? Nope, takes too long to make.

We need a burd! How can I celebrate national burd day without a burd in the house? I know cats who have finches and parakeets and fun things like that. Why can't we have burds, Mom?

I know. I can finally get that burd off the Christmas tree. Yes, it's still sitting up there. Yes, we still have the tree up. Mom says they usually leave it up 'til January 6 in Germany because that's Three Kings Day. You know. The three kings from the east who brought presents to baby Jesus. I love our tree. I bat at it sometimes. I'm happy that it's still up. Yes, I will remove my Christmas music off this page, eventually.

Need to take a nap now and dream about burds.
Peep, Peep


The Bacon Fest is sold out!!

January 1st 2012 5:47 pm
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Happy New Year from me also.
While Mietzi reported on trivial stuff, like doing squat or not doing squat, I need to inform you about the important news.

The 5th Annual Bacon Fest is sold out!!! Sorry, all 4,000 tickets were snatched up in only 25 minutes. If you want to try to sneak in to the Des Moines Bacon Fest, be at my house on February 18th at 11:00 a.m. central time, and I'll distract the ticket taker. Wear something that blends in, OK?


About cream and stirring up anger

December 28th 2011 2:07 pm
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Found this cat-related item in Mom's big book. The one that's laying on the coffee table and she has her nose in it every day:
As the beating of cream yields butter
and striking the nose causes bleeding,
so stirring up anger causes quarrels.

In other cat related news:
"Police dog helps nab man after chase"
Whoo hoo. You go Canine. Good work. This is the sixth time this guy has been arrested this year. He thought he could outrun a Police doggy. Nope. He got bit in the ankle too. The man, not the dog.

Copycatright - Des Moines Register, 12/28/2011

The moral of the story:
The man should not have stirred up anger in the Police dog. He should have instead just stirred cream. Much safer.


He is here!

December 24th 2011 5:25 pm
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For unto us a Child is born;
Unto us a Son is given;
And the government will be upon His shoulder.
And His name will be called
Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
Of the increase of His government and peace
There will be no end.
Upon the throne of David and over His Kingdom,
To order it and establish it with judgment and justice
From that time forward, even forever.
The zeal of the Lord of hosts will perform this.

Thank you Lord Jesus for coming to us, and living among us.
All this to save us.

Glory to God in the highest,
And on earth peace, goodwill toward men!

Merry Christmas


There's a Burd on my Tree

December 23rd 2011 9:55 am
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So like Mietzi reported, Mom was gonna spend more time with the Lord because she just committed her life to following Him and I understand. I mean, we know the Lord. He's the one who made us and we spend time with Him too. Do you really think we're sleeping all the time when our eyes are closed? Sometimes we do, but sometimes we are praying for our friends and reflecting on what a wonderful life He has given us. I found the purrfect solution for Mom's time management problem! It's easy. She just has to get up earlier. Mietzi will help her accomplish that. Mietzi is a good alarm clock (the girl can be so annoying when she wants something). There. Problem solved.

Now to my Burd News. There is a Burd in my wonderpurr Christmas tree!!!
A big, red Cardinal. Up until now our tree was burd free. We have three cats sitting in the tree. They are nice. A Purrsian, a Meezer (my favorite) and a Tabby. Now Mom hung the burd in the tree. He was a present from a co-worker. That co-worker must not like Mom, giving her a burd. Mom likes the Cardinal. She says it's her favorite burd. I have to keep a close eye on him now. Knowing burds he's going to kaka all over our nice tree. I tried to get him out. I was standing on my hind legs and had one paw up on a branch as high as I can reach but Mom caught me and said I'm a bad boy and I'm NOT to touch the tree or Santa won't bring me anything.

May the burd fall out of the tree soon. May your tree always be burd-free.


Mom is going under water!

December 22nd 2011 5:07 am
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see Mietzi's diary please about Mom getting totally, completely WET *shudder*


It'll be Christmas in 12 days !!

December 1st 2011 6:43 pm
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Whoopee only 12 more days 'til it's Christmas!
No, make that 11. I won something at Newman's "The 12 Days of Christmas giveaway" because I bought his Poopology book. You know, the funny one with all the stuff about poopies. Anyway, I'm winner number one, so only 11 more days and it'll be Christmas. If you bought the book you'll be entered automatically in the drawing.

Newman dude, feel free to put a link to your book in the comments so that my friends can win too. Mom has no patience with links on Catster.

Thank you very much for the present, Newman. You rock! I think I won a toy. Mietzi thinks the winners are MIETZI and Timo. That must be a mistake. Mietzi didn't even read the book yet. I read it. I hope the toy has nip in it.

Poop on.

Pee Es: another sure sign that it'll be Christmas very soon is, today we had a few of them little white things falling from the sky. Not many. Not enough to cover the ground. What is that again? Oh ya, I remember from last year. They are cold and wet if you step on them.

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