I'm So Excited! I Get Real Food!

We got my allergy test results! Yay... I can eat!

Okay, here goes.

The baddies:
grasses
dust mites
fleas
roaches
brewer's yeast
rabbit
duck
beef
lamb

The goodies:
fish
turkey
chicken
venison
grains

That should keep me happy for a while! Spots Stew and Natural Balance here I come! I even got some fish mixed in with my food tonight. Mom says we have to take it slowly so as not to upset my digestive system again.

I'm also getting 2mg Chlortrimeton twice a day to help with my itchies. The doc told Mom to get an ion air purifier too. That's going to have to wait a bit.

As far as fleas and roaches--we don't have them. But Mom is going to be doing a thorough spring cleaning. Anyone want to come over to help get the dust bunnies out of the hard to reach places in the kitchen, and take down and wash the crystals from the chandelier?

New York living. When you rent an apartment, the appliances usually don't fit flush with the spaces they're in. There are always gaps you can't reach into and things you can't get behind.

Wish us luck.

Don Quixote Obama

MOL! Mom's fellow cabaret performer just placed a video on YouTube.

Presenting the quixotic William Minifie performing "I Am I, Don Quixote" from the Man of La Mancha. His version: "I am, I, Barack Obama, the Leader of the Free World!"

Filmed in the lovely, New York, Central Park. A must see!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_H8GY3Filx4&feature=e mail

Copy Cat or Smart (Aleck)?

I'm a good sneak. Mom spends time in the bedroom in front of the computer, I spend time in the sofa.

We go through the same routine every day. I hear her coming down the hallway, I jump out of the sofa (phlump) and greet her in the middle of the living room. Works, right? Well, it would except for the evidence I leave behind. You know, body heat, tumble weed... She's left a throw blankie on the sofa for me now.

Tonight we had a small change in the routine. Nothing much mind you. I greeted her with the same "who me?" look on my face. Innocence incarnate, you know?

She cracked up laughing and said, "who me???" I said, "me?"

She sung out, "me, me, me?" I answered, "me, me, me?" And yawned.

Mom says that she used to hear Misha calling "myew hoo..." when he heard people in the hallway.

Mom, you're working too hard.

Trip to the V-E-T

Mom didn't give me a chance to even begin to plan my escape this morning. She caught me by surprise and had the carrier open and waiting in the bathroom where she could shut the door. She collected my back legs and tail in one hand and in I went downwards--again.

What a sinking sensation!

Well, we got compliments on my pretty new case. And I complained to everyone on the bus about being stuck in it. It didn't help, they didn't let me out. All we got were compliments on how pretty I am.

Anyway, the vet took my blood and asked Mom some questions. From the answers she got the vet still isn't convinced it's allergies that I have. She sent Mom home with FrontLine Wormer for all three of us, thinking we may be passing parasites around. (We did that for me already a couple of months ago. Wouldn't it stand to reason that Samsara and Marrakech would also have the itchies and funny looking poops if that were the case?)

You had to tell her, Ma, that I had the biggest poops you'd ever seen for a cat!!! Now she's talking about doing tests on my pancreas. Whoa!

She finally settled on just taking the blood today and having Mom put the wormer on us. She said that my bloods were alot better than 2 months ago and that I'm well out of danger zone with the anemia I had. I also gained another pound.

We should have the results back in about a week.

Colette

One More Day!

I'm not sure if I should be happy or scared. It's one more day until I have my allergy tests done.

Mom bought me a new nylon carrier to go to the v-e-t. It's pretty. It's light brown with pink trim, but let me tell you, I was NOT happy when I saw it. She bought it for me because she realized that she really can't handle the big clunker she used to carry the boys in anymore. Her elbow has been giving her trouble lately.

Well, between her size and my size, we had a bit of a conflict. She was happier with the size of the smaller case (medium). I'm svelte, but I'm kinda long; she's svelte and kinda short. Mom's budget said medium, my size said somewhere between medium and large.

I make it! Just... :-( The medium is supposed to be for furs up to 10 inches shoulder height and 16 inches from shoulder to tail. I'm 10 x 13. Whew. Let me tell you, there's no wiggle room. At least I don't need to stay in there for a long time.

Mom guesstimated my size and brought the thing home. Now she needed to try it out to make sure I fit.

No problem, right? After all, I walked right into the clunker without being asked first when she adopted me.

She tried toploading me first. I wouldn't go in. Could it be because my legs were splayed across the top and I kept struggling and trying to get away?

Next move. Behind the sofa. Then down the hallway. You get the picture.

She finally turned the case for a side load, open to the ceiling. AND UNCERMONIOUSLY DUMPED ME BUTT FIRST!

I'm plotting my revenge for Saturday morning. We WILL be late for our appointment!

Harrowing Experience

I walked out into the hallway of the building to explore yesterday. And woe is me! The door closed behind me. Mom was with me, but so what? I couldn't get back into the apartment.

Nyeh, Nyeh. I was pushing at the door and it was too heavy for me to open. I was so afraid that I would have to go back to the shelter.

Mom scooped me up and hugged me and told me that I really have a furrever home, and that I'd never have to go back to that nasty shelter again.

Purrs...

Colette

A Little Humor

Auntie Nicole sent Mom this wonderful e-mail that puts a new spin on the English language. Mom's only sorry that she didn't think of some of these herself. We thought we would share it with all our furriends. Enjoy!

Subject: neologisms

This is the Washington Post's "Annual Mensa Invitational", which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

The 2008 winners:

1. Cashtration (n.) : The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an a-hole.

3. Intaxication : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone ( n.) : The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high .

8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenouslywhen you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido : All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.) : Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:

1. Coffee, n. - The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted, adj. - Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate, v. - To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade, v. - To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly, adj. - Impotent.

6. Negligent, adj. - Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. Lymph, v. - To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle, n. - Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence, n.- Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash, n. - A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle, n. - A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude, n. - The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon, n..- A Rastafarian proctologist.

15. Frisbeetarianism , n. - The belief that, afte r death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent , n. - An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men

Busted Twice

I had a pretty good morning yesterday.

Mom left some really tasty dry kibble in the bedroom for Marrakech and Samsara the night before. (She shuts the door so I can't in.)

Some furrs have all the fun! That food is really yummy. I know 'cause Mom forgot to take it away yesterday morning and guess who got some?

It was on the floor by the computer where she was working. When she saw me there she put the bowl up on the printer so I started to follow it.

She told me she didn't care how cute it looked seeing my two ears and my eyes coming up over the top of the printer, I wasn't getting any more. Darn.

I didn't get enough to make me really sick, but I didn't feel so good yesterday and barfed last night.

Mom said that I'm in the proverbial dog house. I don't believe her. She's a softy.

Colette's Balanced Budget Plan

Mom tried to pay the bills again today for the umpteenth time. And guess, what? She couldn't find them--again.

She said that we girls needed to stop emptying her bank account, didn't she?

Mom says she was wondering why she was almost late with the bills for the last few months and then she figured it out--it's because of me! I've been trying to help. Here's Colette's surefire balanced budget plan.

Phase 1. Sit on the bills or the checkbook so Mom can't find them because when she finds them, she starts writing.

Phase 2. Bat at the pen. She finally gets the check written and I go for operation 'make it impossible.'

Phase 3. Mom can't find the envelope. (Shh... I'm sitting on it.) Aren't I clever?

Dear American Express:

I can't pay your bill because my cat....

Giggles and Purrs...

Colette

Out of Jail -- Free at Last -- for Now

Ever since Mom brought Samsara home from that silly run-in she had with the can of shellac she isn't going after me anymore (at least most of the time).

(The dummy--she tried to clean up the mess herself and had to be shaved, and she sure does look funny with that naked belly of hers hanging down.)

Anyway, this is the third night that I'm going to be out of the bathroom. And, guess what? Mom bought me a really pretty new bed. Even though she put the bed in my nice sleepy corner in the living room, I wasn't sure it was my bed so I didn't want to use it. Then Mom brought my blankie out of the bathroom and put it in the bed for me. MOL, a bed just for me! It didn't take me long to figure out how comfy it is.

Purrs and good night to all...

Colette