Colette's Diary

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Taxing Moments

April 13th 2009 12:30 am
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Like I was there, laying on the table like I usually do when Mom does her paperwork. But unlike usual, it was sign the tax forms day.

Mom had picked up the forms from the accountant and he put them in one of those yellow envelopes with the self-seal flaps. Take note, long-haired kitties. DO NOT LAY ON THOSE FLAPS! When I went to stand up, that stupid big envelope came with me. Who needs a Furminator when you have one of those!

I should also note my now twice daily taxing moment. I'm supposed to be getting my itchie medicine twice a day. Mom and I are learning how to best get that pill into me. Today is the first day that (Mom got the pill into me) I let Mom give me the pill both times. I hate it--I complain, but at least she's stopped wearing the rubber gloves. (The gloves were for some, now forgiven, temper tantrums.) If I have to take the pills, at least I get a lot of love and kisses in exchange.

Purrs & headbonks...


3 Glove Day

April 4th 2009 11:01 pm
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Akin to 3 Dog Night. Mom and I got sooo angry at each other today.

I wouldn't eat my food. Like a dork, Mom was putting my allergy pill in it and it tasted all bitter. (She finally got the message when she took one of them for her own allergies.) I didn't eat until I was so hungry I kept jumping on the stove. I finally gave up and downed it with a bit of dry kibble in it.

Then Mom discovered knots in my coat. I scratched her while she was trying to get the knots out. Out came the rubber goves--I can't get my claws into them properly.

She was still so angry about the scratch that while she had the gloves on she kept them on so she could trim my nails. I haven't let her do that since she adopted me. Glove routine number 2. (Usually I bite and scratch her when she tries to do that.) Dang--she got my nails cut.

But I'm supposed to take that pill twice a day. Supper time came and I wouldn't eat again.

If you're thinking that I usually try to scratch Mom when she's giving me a pill, you're right! Glove routine number 3. That was the worst. She finally wrapped me in a towel too. I didn't trust her when she put fresh wet food down--wouldn't eat it--nope.

I finally got my kibble and we've both calmed down and made up.




I've Been Tagged!

March 31st 2009 1:15 am
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I've Been Tagged!

By my cutie-pie furriend, Lucy

And to think that I gave her a really pretty Easter egg only to find out that she's ALLERGIC to Eggs. My Mom says not to worry, it's a virtual egg. Is that like the plastic ones they give kids in their Easter baskets?

Anyway, if you've been tagged then you need to answer the following questions and tag 5 more furriends.

Here they are:

What is your favorite color for Easter eggs?
Turquoise and silver or salt 'n pepper and orange. I have exotic taste.

Would you rather be a bunny or a chick?
I would rather be a bunny. At least that's what Mom says I look like when I'm running around the house.

Would you rather EAT a bunny or a chick?
I take the 5th; see my lawyer.

How many Easter eggs do you think you'll find when you get to hunt them at your house? I don't think I'm going to find Easter eggs but I might find a few matzoh balls. They don't roll as well when you bat them.

What kind of Easter basket are you hoping for? One that I can curl up and go to sleep in. If they make Easter baskets with pillows in them, I'd like a blue one to match my eyes, please.

I am tagging:

This is one incredible kitty that's found his furrever home and not one but many loving mommas. Before he found them he spent more than a bit of his time using up several of his 9 lives. Visit his page. He has a pawsome story.

Alabama is a sweetheart of a girl with tons of food allergies. She has blossomed under the loving care of her very special dad.

Pawlette Nip-NoNo
A lovely girl with asthma and a very, very smart mom.

Who needs no introduction. We're all purring like crazy that she gets better really soon.

Missy just recently joined Catster. She is a gorgeous Himmy/Siamese mix and her arrival story reminds Mom of just the kind of thing Mom would have done under the same circumstances. Check out Missy's page and say hello.

Purrs & headbonks...



I'm So Excited! I Get Real Food!

March 26th 2009 12:26 am
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We got my allergy test results! Yay... I can eat!

Okay, here goes.

The baddies:
dust mites
brewer's yeast

The goodies:

That should keep me happy for a while! Spots Stew and Natural Balance here I come! I even got some fish mixed in with my food tonight. Mom says we have to take it slowly so as not to upset my digestive system again.

I'm also getting 2mg Chlortrimeton twice a day to help with my itchies. The doc told Mom to get an ion air purifier too. That's going to have to wait a bit.

As far as fleas and roaches--we don't have them. But Mom is going to be doing a thorough spring cleaning. Anyone want to come over to help get the dust bunnies out of the hard to reach places in the kitchen, and take down and wash the crystals from the chandelier?

New York living. When you rent an apartment, the appliances usually don't fit flush with the spaces they're in. There are always gaps you can't reach into and things you can't get behind.

Wish us luck.


Don Quixote Obama

March 17th 2009 8:54 pm
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MOL! Mom's fellow cabaret performer just placed a video on YouTube.

Presenting the quixotic William Minifie performing "I Am I, Don Quixote" from the Man of La Mancha. His version: "I am, I, Barack Obama, the Leader of the Free World!"

Filmed in the lovely, New York, Central Park. A must see! mail


Copy Cat or Smart (Aleck)?

March 16th 2009 11:39 pm
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I'm a good sneak. Mom spends time in the bedroom in front of the computer, I spend time in the sofa.

We go through the same routine every day. I hear her coming down the hallway, I jump out of the sofa (phlump) and greet her in the middle of the living room. Works, right? Well, it would except for the evidence I leave behind. You know, body heat, tumble weed... She's left a throw blankie on the sofa for me now.

Tonight we had a small change in the routine. Nothing much mind you. I greeted her with the same "who me?" look on my face. Innocence incarnate, you know?

She cracked up laughing and said, "who me???" I said, "me?"

She sung out, "me, me, me?" I answered, "me, me, me?" And yawned.

Mom says that she used to hear Misha calling "myew hoo..." when he heard people in the hallway.

Mom, you're working too hard.


Trip to the V-E-T

March 15th 2009 12:10 am
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Mom didn't give me a chance to even begin to plan my escape this morning. She caught me by surprise and had the carrier open and waiting in the bathroom where she could shut the door. She collected my back legs and tail in one hand and in I went downwards--again.

What a sinking sensation!

Well, we got compliments on my pretty new case. And I complained to everyone on the bus about being stuck in it. It didn't help, they didn't let me out. All we got were compliments on how pretty I am.

Anyway, the vet took my blood and asked Mom some questions. From the answers she got the vet still isn't convinced it's allergies that I have. She sent Mom home with FrontLine Wormer for all three of us, thinking we may be passing parasites around. (We did that for me already a couple of months ago. Wouldn't it stand to reason that Samsara and Marrakech would also have the itchies and funny looking poops if that were the case?)

You had to tell her, Ma, that I had the biggest poops you'd ever seen for a cat!!! Now she's talking about doing tests on my pancreas. Whoa!

She finally settled on just taking the blood today and having Mom put the wormer on us. She said that my bloods were alot better than 2 months ago and that I'm well out of danger zone with the anemia I had. I also gained another pound.

We should have the results back in about a week.



One More Day!

March 13th 2009 12:40 am
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I'm not sure if I should be happy or scared. It's one more day until I have my allergy tests done.

Mom bought me a new nylon carrier to go to the v-e-t. It's pretty. It's light brown with pink trim, but let me tell you, I was NOT happy when I saw it. She bought it for me because she realized that she really can't handle the big clunker she used to carry the boys in anymore. Her elbow has been giving her trouble lately.

Well, between her size and my size, we had a bit of a conflict. She was happier with the size of the smaller case (medium). I'm svelte, but I'm kinda long; she's svelte and kinda short. Mom's budget said medium, my size said somewhere between medium and large.

I make it! Just... :-( The medium is supposed to be for furs up to 10 inches shoulder height and 16 inches from shoulder to tail. I'm 10 x 13. Whew. Let me tell you, there's no wiggle room. At least I don't need to stay in there for a long time.

Mom guesstimated my size and brought the thing home. Now she needed to try it out to make sure I fit.

No problem, right? After all, I walked right into the clunker without being asked first when she adopted me.

She tried toploading me first. I wouldn't go in. Could it be because my legs were splayed across the top and I kept struggling and trying to get away?

Next move. Behind the sofa. Then down the hallway. You get the picture.

She finally turned the case for a side load, open to the ceiling. AND UNCERMONIOUSLY DUMPED ME BUTT FIRST!

I'm plotting my revenge for Saturday morning. We WILL be late for our appointment!


Harrowing Experience

March 7th 2009 4:49 pm
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I walked out into the hallway of the building to explore yesterday. And woe is me! The door closed behind me. Mom was with me, but so what? I couldn't get back into the apartment.

Nyeh, Nyeh. I was pushing at the door and it was too heavy for me to open. I was so afraid that I would have to go back to the shelter.

Mom scooped me up and hugged me and told me that I really have a furrever home, and that I'd never have to go back to that nasty shelter again.




A Little Humor

February 28th 2009 12:06 am
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Auntie Nicole sent Mom this wonderful e-mail that puts a new spin on the English language. Mom's only sorry that she didn't think of some of these herself. We thought we would share it with all our furriends. Enjoy!

Subject: neologisms

This is the Washington Post's "Annual Mensa Invitational", which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

The 2008 winners:

1. Cashtration (n.) : The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an a-hole.

3. Intaxication : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone ( n.) : The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high .

8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenouslywhen you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido : All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.) : Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:

1. Coffee, n. - The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted, adj. - Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate, v. - To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade, v. - To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly, adj. - Impotent.

6. Negligent, adj. - Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. Lymph, v. - To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle, n. - Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence, n.- Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash, n. - A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle, n. - A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude, n. - The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon, n..- A Rastafarian proctologist.

15. Frisbeetarianism , n. - The belief that, afte r death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent , n. - An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men

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