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Won-Ton Reflects

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An Even Stranger Day

June 19th 2011 12:28 am
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Yesterday was a strange day. Today was even stranger.

My dad took my litter box out of the nearly-empty bathroom and put it in the hallway next to the paper sacks full of stuff. Then he took the sink off the wall and put it in the garage (I didn't know sinks came off the wall). And then he covered everything in the bathroom with large sheets of plastic. Then he shut the door and for the next several hours there was all kinds of commotion in there: scraping noises; loud noises like The Beast only twice as loud; clanking and thumping noises; then muffled swish-swish noises. And after a while a peculiar, noxious smell came out from under the door. Finally he emerged covered in a fine dust and holding a paintbrush in his hand. A huge mass of noxious-smelling air came wafting out from the open doorway. I have smelled this smell before, but not nearly this strong and usually from much, much farther away. It was bad enough when it was faint, but this is really strong here in the house and I don't like it. Hanging out by an open window helps, but it's so pervasive that it's hard to be free of it. The whole house smells like it, no matter where I go. After my mom and dad put all the stuff back in the bathroom I almost had to hold my breath when I went in to use in my box. I went wee as fast as I could and got away from there pronto.

Well, I must say that the bathroom looks really nice now, after all the commotion is over. The smell is awful but it looks nice. So I don't feel quite as crabby as I did yesterday. And once the smell goes away even more, I'll be even less crabby than I am now.


Strange Day

June 17th 2011 10:07 pm
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Today was strange. My hip hurt and I felt crabby. My mom was acting sad and upset and my dad was acting worried. I meowed and meowed but they just looked at me and then away again, my mom staring blankly at the floor and my dad looking at her.

This annoyed me, so I meowed a few more crabby things and went into the other room. A little while later my dad began moving things out of the bathroom and placing them in 2 paper sacks in the hallway. This was peculiar. I did not like how peculiar it was. I've learned that when peculiar things happen around here, the next thing I know I'm at the vet, and that's the last place I want to go. I was just there 3 days ago and it was no picnic, let me tell you. So I was afraid I was going to wind up there yet again, judging by the level of tension in the house. So even though there was no direct connection between the bathroom and the vet, I decided it would be best to go hide behind the living room curtain for a while anyway. So I did.

I heard my dad rummaging around in the garage for a while, and I heard my mom pushing The Beast around the house. Then I heard them searching for me and calling my name, in the house, in the garage and in the yard. But I sat still and didn't make a sound. Not a peep. I heard them look under the bed in the bedroom, searching for me. I heard them lift up the living room couch, searching for me. I heard them look in my dad's closet, calling my name, searching for me. And I sat still and silent, not a peep.

Then I heard my mom's footsteps get closer and felt the curtains move. "Oh, here she is," she said. The curtains fell back into place and my mom's footsteps went farther away. I was still kinda crabby so I was glad they left me alone.

I came out later and investigated the paper sacks of stuff in the hallway. They were full of cleanser, sponges, towels, brushes and combs, a hairdryer, a box of cotton swabs, some cotton balls, a can of shaving cream, tubes of toothpaste, bottles of rubbing alcohol and hydrogen peroxide, kleenex, baby powder, a scale and a little whisk broom; and a shelf unit and 2 paintings leaning against the wall. Very peculiar. The bathroom looked bigger without so much stuff in it, and it was even a little echoey when I went poop-poop in the box. Very peculiar. It seemed very sad. I don't think I like it this way. I like it the way it was, with all the familiar things around me, not all empty and bare like this.

I feel crabby about it still. Maybe I'll go back behind the curtain again, just because. Yeesh, what a strange day.


*Red Alert*

June 2nd 2011 12:27 am
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*Red Alert!* *Red Alert!*

Everybody, take cover! Stand back! Clear the decks! Hairball alert!

It's going to happen. Any minute now. I can feel it, in the pit of my stomach, growing, escalating, getting ready to launch itself free. Here it comes, watch out! Don't say I didn't warn you!

. . .

*gak* *gak* *gak*

. . .

Uh . . . um, false alarm, sorry.

Go on about your business.


Evil Cat Attacks Our House (Sort Of)

May 9th 2011 11:41 pm
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Apparently there are no depths to which Evil Cat will not stoop. The other night he attacked our house! (Sort of.)

It was a quiet evening. My mom and dad were reading and listening to music and I was taking a nap next to them. Suddenly there was a THUMP against the wall of the house. We all turned our heads and listened very carefully but there were no other noises. My mom looked out the window but didn't see anything because the motion-sensitive security light did not come on.

A few more minutes went by, and suddenly there was another THUMP, and then I saw him -- Evil Cat on the side gate! It was his jumping up on the fence and onto the cross-brace for the clothesline that made it thump into the wall of the house, disturbing our evening.

My mom and dad went to the window, but Evil Cat was gone before they could do anything else. I didn't even have a chance to let out my war cry (a bloodcurdling long, low, loud menacing moan). I would have told him a thing or two if I'd had the chance, you can count on that.

Can you believe how evil he is, thumping our house? Just what kind of place does he think this is, some cheap, flea-ridden hovel he can just THUMP whenever it pleases him? Is nothing sacred? I ask you, can we not have an evening of quiet enjoyment with nice music and naps inside our own home without being rudely assailed by neighborhood riff-raff?

Sometimes I just don't know what this world is coming to.


I Go Back To The Vet

April 28th 2011 1:39 am
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I have had all kinds of ups and downs here lately. My thyroid medicine keeps changing and sometimes I feel really meh and other times I feel really irritable. Thyroid disease is no fun! It is a roller coaster ride of emotions and feelings. One week all I want to do is sleep, the next I feel like fighting everyone and everything around me. It is very frustrating to deal with.

My mom and dad try as hard as they can to do the right thing, and they are very patient with me through all my ups and downs. Unfortunately, part of doing the right thing involves taking me to the vet every few weeks, where I scream and yell and try to escape or hide, to no avail of course, and then they take me in the back and draw some blood. I don't like that part at all.

The vet techs keep telling me I'm really sweet and I'm their favorite cat. I think they're lying. They coo in soft voices and give me skritchy-scratches behind my ears, and then they insert the thermometer to take my temperature. Is that any way to treat a "favorite cat"? No way! Why don't they just ask me? I'd be perfectly happy to tell them I'm feeling fine, not feverish at all, thankyouverymuch kthxbai, instead of going through with that thermometer rigamarole.

You know, I'm beginning to think that it's that thermometer business that's the worst part of going to the vet. If we can skip that, it wouldn't be quite so bad.

I think I'll go kill one of my toys now and pretend it's the vet.


I Feel Bleh

March 7th 2011 8:15 pm
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I feel bleh.

That is all.


The Return of Evil Cat

February 13th 2011 7:44 pm
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After a long time gone, Evil Cat has returned.

At first there were just a few instances of sitting on my back fence, looking stupidly at me through my window for a moment, then disappearing for a few days.

Then it advanced to prowling in my back yard -- MY back yard! -- several times, sniffing at everything stupidly as though the place was its own stupid territory.

Then it escalated to staring evilly at me in the middle of the night, sitting stupidly on the ledge outside the house below the bedroom window, acting evil. And stupid.

All those occurrences are bad enough. But this afternoon really took the cake. This afternoon was the worst of the worst. This afternoon Evil Cat totally stepped over the line with its utter evilness (and stupidity): this afternoon Evil Cat prowled in my yard inspecting my mom's laundry hanging out there to dry.

Ooh, that made my blood boil! No one is allowed to be Laundry Cat around here except ME!! No one! No one!

I became so enraged at this violation of my territory that I climbed onto the top perch of my cat tree by the window and let out my war cry -- a long, low, loud, menacing moan!

Evil Cat is so stupid that it just crouched there next to one of my mom's sweaters, staring stupidly up at me in the window.

I let out my war cry several more times, to no avail. Any other cat would have fled in extreme terror from my fearsome threats, but Evil Cat is so stupid it just sat there, staring instead of fleeing, oozing evilness and stupidity in equal measure.

My mom squeezed in next to me to peer out the window. Through my intense fury I barely heard her admonishing Evil Cat, "Uh-oh. No, no, don't touch, don't touch, no," but I was too beside myself to pay much attention.

The next thing I knew, I saw my mom out in the back yard, and that's when Evil Cat sprang into action, first by turning to stare stupidly at my mom, then leaping up onto the fence and slinking over it, with one last stupid glance at my mom.

If I didn't have arthritis I would have clawed a hole in the window screen to get out and give that stupid feline a good thrashing. How dare it invade my turf?! How dare it saunter stupidly through my back yard and perch its evil little cat butt on my fence?! How dare it express an interest in my mom's laundry?! That laundry is *mine*! I am Laundry Cat! I am Won-Ton the Fierce, Warrior Princess of Wontonia, Defender Of My Home and Everything Else I Can See Out The Window Which I Can't Get To But I Can Still See So I Consider It My Turf! I cannot let Evil Cat get away with these trespasses! Evil Cat must be driven away! Evil Cat must be vanquished! Evil Cat is evil! Evil! Evil!! (And stupid.)


I Find Out Why I Went Back To The Vet

February 11th 2011 10:26 am
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I found out why I had to go back to the vet yesterday. The dose of my thyroid medicine was incorrect and had to be adjusted. That's why I've been so tired all the time lately, and why I gained a quarter pound this month.

Also my kidneys aren't quite right either. There was a lot of complicated things about my thyroid and my kidneys that the vet explained to my mom that my mom didn't fully understand, but I think it's like this: once my thyroid dose is adjusted, my kidneys ought to be okay.

I think my kidneys are already okay right now. I drink, I pee, no problem, everything's fine. I don't know what the big deal is. But it would be nice not to be tired all the time. So finding out my thyroid medicine had to be adjusted is good.

But it means I have to keep going back to the vet. I thought once I was getting shots at home I wouldn't ever have to go back to the vet, ever. But I was wrong about that. It was too good to be true. I was too eager to see the silver lining. That's how I am; I like seeing the rosy side of things most of the time, because in spite of losing my temper sometimes, I really am a sweet girl. And I can't hold a grudge for long, so I'm not mad at my mom anymore either.

But I'm still not ready to forgive the [CENSORED] vet.


I Go To The [CENSORED] Vet

February 10th 2011 5:22 pm
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I am absolutely furious at the [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] vet, [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] vet techs, [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] needles, [CENSORED] [CENSORED] cat carrier, [CENSORED] car, and at my [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED] mom.

I am livid.

I have been betrayed.



I Get Another Shot At Home

February 9th 2011 1:04 pm
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I got another shot from my mom, at home, instead of at the vet.

You know what this means?

I never have to go to the vet again! This is good news. I'm glad I can get shots at home from my mom or dad, and they don't even hurt, and not have to go the vet vet anymore.

Life is good.

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