May 16th 2009 7:08 pm
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Last night, Zack was restless. He kept following me to the refrigerator, and when I would offer something, he would just lay down. His face looked thinner than ever, and his eyes more sunken. He was also more wobbly than he had been.
I shared my fears with my husband, and we both watched him very closely.
This morning, I purposely let David get up first because I was afraid I might find Zack gone, but there he was, sitting up. My heart filled with hope.
Later this morning we were gone, visiting Harry at the vet's. It took longer than we expected because they had lots of instructions because he was being released from the hospital, after lunch.
When we walked in, there was a commotion in the kitchen.
Several cats were gathered around Zack, who was lying flat on the floor, with his whole body twitching. We instantly realized he was having a seizure. But this one was different than his usual ones, which were very violent. David looked at his pupils, and saw they were very dilated. We carefully moved him to a cat bed away from the others. I lay beside him, and cradled his head in my hands, and talked to him. The seizure seemed to go on forever. His normal ones lasted less than a minute, but this one was more like twenty minutes. I think it was multiple ones because at times it would stop, and I would catch a glimpse of recognition in his eyes, and when I told him I loved him, he partly closed his eyes, as if he understood.
Finally the twitching stopped, and he began to take slow breaths and I knew he was passing away. All I could do was keep telling him how much we loved him, and telling him he could let go. He fought to stay alive. He did not want to go. I told him he did not have to stay for me, that I would be okay. I am far from okay, but I didn't want him to try to hang on. An hour passed, and slowly his breaths came further apart. Each time I thought one was his last, he would gasp again, and I would burst into tears again. He didn't want to die, and he tried so valiantly to live. At one point I would have traded my life for his.
I prayed to God to be merciful, and take him to Heaven. Finally that prayer was answered. I held him to my chest for a long, long time. So long that his tiny, bony body started to grow cold. My husband had to come and take him from my arms. I didn't want to put him down.
I can't believe that he is gone. I look for him in every room. I stared at his litter pan, and cat bed. I started to wash his bowls. It is an unreal feeling.
I will never stop loving my little gray cat. I will never stop missing him either.
We feel honored to have shared nearly fourteen years with him.
In the coming weeks, I will probably share some stories, and memories with you.
It will take me a long time to write to everyone who has been part of Zack's Catster life, and properly thank you all, but I will. For him.
We love you Zacky, Rest in Peace my love.
~Momma and Daddy
May 16th 2009 1:29 pm
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My precious, my beloved boy is gone.
He died quietly beside me a short while ago.
I will write more soon, but for now I just want to send my heartfelt thanks to everyone who has been a blessing during these past painful months. I know Zack felt every purr and heard every prayer, as did I.
With so much love and gratitude,
Teri and David and my beloved angel >^,,^< Zack
May 15th 2009 9:39 pm
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I had a dream, while I was laying on the cool concrete of the garage floor.
I like it just in front of the refrigerator because I can feel the cool air blow under it.
In the dream, I was a young cat, and I was watching a lizard bloat out it's ruby throat to attract an insect. It was changing from green to brown, to match the bark of the tree. I felt so alive.
I think I will not be here much longer. Mom had a dream too, and woke up with a terrible start. In her dream, I was gone.
She can tell that I don't want to give up. I still walk around on my unsteady legs, and look at table tops with hopes of jumping there, but I can't do that anymore.
I stumble, and I pick myself up with such dignity that it makes her cry.
I can see her heart is breaking. I know that if she and daddy could make me well and whole again, they would.
I am not afraid of dying. Everything that ever lived, dies someday. I just wish I could put that "someday" off longer...so much longer.
I know that there will be friends who will grieve. Please don't remember me as a sick old cat. Remember me as I will remember myself...intently watching that lizard with the heart of a kitten.
I love all my wonderful Catster friends, and most of all you, Kiwi.
I had plans to marry you someday. We are running out of "somedays" now.
I am going to rest now. Each time mom kisses me goodnight, we both know it might be our last goodnight's to each other.
But keep up those purrs, and I will do my best...
A loving goodnight to all,
May 14th 2009 11:15 am
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Purrs my friends,
I'd jump up and down, but my balance is a little rotten these days, so you'll have to settle for a high-five's paw!
Someone must have sent some magic angel dust to help me feel better.
I am back to eating again! Last night I ate a little, and today I had some canned food and some turkey lunch meat, and even a little vanilla ice cream!
The vet said maybe the infection in my eye, (it's actually in the tear duct) may have made me feel bad, and that the puss (sorry to be graphic) is nature's way of the body pushing the infection out. I have some ointment for it, but it is already better than it was yesterday.
So I think those Wings can stay in lay-a-way, a little longer, Purrrrrrr
Lately I have been keeping company with the dog, Lizzy. She lets we share her water bowl, but she looked concerned when I stuck my head in her food dish. I took a few sniffs, and walked away. Not interesting.
She and I both like the turkey lunch meat though. Mom hides Lizzy's pills in it. So now we both stand side by side, and get little bites.
Lizzy chews faster. I told her not to bolt her food. That dog can demolish a rib bone in under a minute.
Well, Mom is pointing at the clock. She has to go earn some money to pay for this expensive family, MOL. Thanks for purring for me and my brother Harry, and Stinky too. The winds died down today, and he is feeling chipper, and not coughing as much.
Love and purrs,
May 13th 2009 7:15 pm
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Hello my friends,
And kisses to my beautiful fiancee Kiwi.
I'm not feeling so great tonight. Another complication has come up.
My eye is infected. It is weeping and draining an awful, icky mess. Daddy cleaned it twice, but it comes back. Nothing like this has ever happened.
They will have to get me some medicine for it.
Momma is a mess. My brother Harry is in the hospital. He has a diary now. I am going to try to post a link, hope it works.
I did manage to eat a little. I had a few bites of tuna and shrimp cat food, and a small piece of turkey lunch meat. That is more than yesterday, so maybe I can hang on a while longer. I will try.
I am going to go and answer some mail now.
I continue to marvel at the depth of love on Catster.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, for everything.
May 13th 2009 6:19 am
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Everything changes in a instant.
Zack was eating like a horse, as many as six meals a day, plus his broth.
The last two days Zack has refused to eat, except to take a few bites and then look at me with those sunken, forlorn eyes. He walks around the house, and calls out, not in pain, but it sounds like despair. It is tearing my heart out, and I am afraid I can't hold off the decision much longer.
Then, to add to all this, Harry is very sick. He has chronic Stomatitis, (gum infections) and we thought he was having another flare up. I re-newed his prescription yesterday, and we started him on it, but this morning he is lethargic, and won't eat or drink.
I was supposed to go to work with my husband, but the vet agreed to work Harry in, so David said he will drop me there, and do the job alone.
I am terribly afraid that I may be losing both my boys.
Typing this through tears, so please forgive mistakes.
In all the thirty-plus years that I have rescued cats, I have never had so many sick babies. I blame myself...I must be neglecting something, doing something wrong. Beating myself up won't help though, but purrs will.
Please pray and purr for my Zack and Harry. Stinky too, has been having fits with all our wind and pollen making his asthma worse.
I have to go now, but I will up-date this after I return from the vet.
Much love and gratefulness,
May 4th 2009 7:56 am
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Spring was barely here, and now Summer is already trying to crowd it out! It's in the mid 80's here, and the birds are nesting and singing everywhere.
I can hear them from the open window in the office. From the bedroom windows, which are lower, we can see a Cardinal mom hopping on the ground. Her bright mate sits higher, in the branches of a Nandina plant. It has berries that they must like.
I've always loved to smell the blooms. Kiwi and I were talking about putting on our harnesses, and enjoying the fresh air on our decks. The other day, mom scooped me up in her arms, and carried me outside. We spent time at each hanging basket, with me sniffing the leaves. Then she carried me to the ground cover. The jasmine has white blooms that are very sweet, but it's been too dry for them to flower, but I love to smell the foliage.
I can barely imagine what the flowers at the Bridge must smell like. I will keep that thought in the back of my mind though, because I am nearly to my second goal, which is Mother's Day. If I make Mother's Day, and I feel sure I will, then Dad's birthday, in June, will be my next big goal.
Tomorrow is a sad anniversary for our mom. It is the day that Grandma left for Heaven, way back in 1998. I remember how much grandma loved me too, and always brought us Pounce treats when she came over to visit. At Thanksgiving, I would sit by her side for the entire meal. I would pat her leg gently (not using claws) to let her know I wanted a bite of what she was eating. I used to be a terrible mooch. Well, I still am, I just don't have much success at it, these days. :)
Thanks to all of my treasured friends, for their notes and rosettes. I am living on Catster love!
I am in the process of catching up on those wonderful thank you's, and I have a line of siblings waiting to use the computer next! Birthday month is finally over with fourteen family birthdays in April! Whew!
I hope you all have a wonderful week. Purr on, my friends, purr on!
Love, >^,,^< Zack
April 29th 2009 5:45 am
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Hello my beloved friends, and so sorry for the long silence.
My momma messed up her hands, doing too much spring yard work, and then the computer keyboard finally broke all the way. Late last night, daddy installed a new one, and momma is trying to type with her sore hands, so I might have to catch you up in a couple small entries.
Mom added a photo. It is hard to take one of all of me now, because there's not much of me left. I am very bony, and getting a little unstable on my feet. I don't attempt the desk jump anymore, mom gets up, and lets me use her chair. Mostly I sleep, eat, and sleep. I have gotten grumpy with my cat siblings, and have growled at them, so only a few cats visit me now, Charlie, Harry, and sometimes Hannah. I don't like them crowding me.
The tumor is larger, easily felt, and seen, because I am so thin. Mom talked with the vet, about any possibility of surgery, and he said he did not think I would survive it, and advised against it. Mom and dad want to give me every chance, but not put me through misery, I am not in pain. I am still very loving with mom. Also very insistent that she spend time with me. When she tries to get on the computer, I stand in front of her, or I lay down on her arm, or across her hand. I walk on her keyboard too. I think that is partly what ruined the old one, but I'm forgiven already.
I have gotten behind on my thank you's again. I have such loyal and loving friends, and I will be in touch, very soon.
Thank you for the purrs, they are powerful medicine.
Much love and many purrs,
April 12th 2009 10:33 pm
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Hello my friends.
It's after midnight here, so officially not Easter anymore. My parents were gone today, because they received a last minute invitation to visit Grandma, and our Uncle Marc, and momma's two nieces, home from school. It was a rare opportunity for them, so they couldn't pass it up.
Hannah was upset, because she wanted to send out lots more rosettes than she had time for. I missed sending many of you one also.
My most humble apologies for that.
I did want to say that I proudly have made my Easter goal!
I'm still here, and still purrin'!
Mom is starting to call me her Energizer bunnycat, because I keep going and going... :)
I feel pretty good too. No pain, except for the usual old cat complaints. I am still eating soft canned food, with no more bleeding from my mouth. I get about six small meals a day, to spread my calories out.
Yesterday, I did have one mis-hap. I decided to jump to the kitchen counter. I missed. I re-calculated the math, tried again, and missed.
This was starting to get embarrassing. So I gave mom (who was doing dishes), a forlorn look, and she picked me up and let me drink from the faucet. I will have to review my geometry notes to see where I went wrong.
I think I'll call it a day now.
Special kisses going to my sweet Kiwi.
Many wishes that you all had a great Easter.
Lots of love and thanks for the purrs and gifts.
Your skinny Energizer bunnycat, >^,,^< Zack
April 6th 2009 11:49 am
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Hello my furry friends,
I'm still here, and still purrin' !
The vet's assistant keeps calling, checking to see if I kicked the bucket yet...but I just tell them, "Fill that bucket with Easter candy, because this old guy is not going to miss this Easter!".
You see, I decided something...instead of being a cat dying of cancer...I am going to be a cat living with cancer...and I will be that until the angels come for me.
Speaking of angels, my gray friend Ashley, had his mom send me some harp music, because it is soothing and comforting. Mom put in the CD, and when I heard it, I thought for a minute, that the angels were on their way! Wait! One more can of Fancy Feast first!
But it was just the music, whew...close one. :)
Thanks Ash, ole' buddy. The music is great.
Kiwi, don't listen to this part...for you who don't know, Ashley and I go w-a-y back, and when we first met, I actually flirted with him because I thought he was a girl! *still blushes at the thought*
N0w you can listen again Kiwi. :)
(I love you, honey, smooch, smooch)
(That kiss is NOT for you, Ashley)
Also, one more piece of good news. The last couple of days, I am off my liquid diet. Yay! I can't have kibble, probably never again, but I can have pured, soft food. I'm growing fond of the new kitten's canned food. Fisher has been kind enough to share. It's extra nutritious, and tasty too! The prescription food was too bland, and mom got tired of me turning my nose up, at $1.50 a can!
That's about it again. I thank you all for following my progress, and for all those purrs.
Gentle bonks, and soft purrs,
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