November 12th 2009 7:47 am
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It's been a while, my friends.
I was watching my momma as she cleaned yesterday. While cleaning out a drawer, she came upon a heart.
A small stainless steel heart.
She recognized it instantly as an old ID Tag from one of my collars. The tag was so worn from many years of wear, that the writing was almost completely rubbed off. Faintly on the back, were the initials ZKTM. That stood for Zack Kato Turbo Monster. My full kitten name. *grin*
You will have to read back to my very first diary, for an explanation of that. :)
As she caressed it with her fingers, I saw tears fall. I hovered closer, hoping she would feel my presence grow stronger.
I miss being with my family as much as they miss me. I miss life. But I know I will be always loved and always remembered.
I wanted to give everyone of you a reminder too, to love and never forget your angel friends, and your angel brothers and sisters.
We are here waiting.
August 24th 2009 10:28 am
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Just a fast love letter to my girl, Kiwi, who turned 13 today!
I wish you a wonderful day, my little love.
I wish I could have mailed myself to you, all tied up with ribbons, to tell you how much I love and miss you. But instead, watch for a card, and a little gift following a day later. I hope they arrive today, in time, but Maine is a long way from Texas, and mom was late in getting to the post office.
Have a fun day sweetheart, with your pawsome parents and loving family.
Know that you are in my thoughts always.
Love and kitty kisses,
Your >^,,^< Zacky ♥
P.S. an apology to my friends for our families silence and absence this summer. We are getting our act together, and should be back full-time soon.
August 14th 2009 8:00 pm
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Hello my dear friends, and my lovely fiancée Kiwi.
Please forgive this old boy for being so quiet this summer. The Texas heat is pretty unbearable, and my typist has gotten very behind.
Tomorrow, August the 15th, would have been my fourteenth birthday. Some of you may still have it down as the 18th, but that was an error. (Mom found my original vet records)
Please do not make a fuss over me. I was so honored by all the kindness during my long illness, and after...no more is necessary.
My mom is still pretty sad. Does any angel cat know any funny tricks or jokes to make her laugh?
I have tried tickling her in her sleep, with my wing tips, but she only screamed because she thought it was a bug on her! That didn't work. :(
I thought, don't worry mom, I won't let any bugs get to you. Remember, I am Zack, the Bug Slayer.
I thought, in honor of my birthday, I would tell you how >^,,^< became part of my name. You see, long before I was born, long before computers, and email and emoticons were around, people used to write letters. Remember those?
My mom has always been a cat person. When she would write a letter, or send a card, she would draw the little cat face next to her cats names. Yeah, she signed the cat's names too. Silly lady. When visitors came over, they always remembered me. I was a people cat, very social. I greeted everyone, and never met a human I didn't like. (possible exception, the white coat guy) Anyway, people would even ask on the phone, "How's Zack?" So when mom sent a letter, or thank you note, she always added my name, and the >^,,^< cat face. When we joined Catster, many years later, it seemed only right to put it there too. So now you know!
Purrs to you, my friends. I love you all deeply and sincerely.
>^,,^< Zack, the Birthday Boy
June 17th 2009 6:44 pm
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Hello my friends,
Mom promised a story tonight, so I am going to hang close to make sure she gets the details right.~Love, >^,,^< Zack
The Bug Story
This happened many years ago, when Zack was about five. My husband had taken a part time job on Saturday nights, as a scorekeeper at a local car race track. Secretly I thought it was just his clever way of getting "a boy's night out". He would be gone from early evening until nearly one am. Not being used to being alone at night, I used to get jittery. This one night I had been watching TV, when I heard a noise in the kitchen. Now I have to break away, and tell you a side part.
In our coastal town, we have thousands of Palm trees. While interesting and statuesque, they are home to the infamous "palmetto bug", or the large Texas coachroach. (shudders just typing it) Now, it is not a matter of how clean you home is...if it rains, these big bugs come inside. I have been deathly afraid/repulsed by them since I was a child. If I see one, my husband says my shriek can be heard to the next street. (probably so)
So it has always been my husbands responsibility to be the "bug slayer".
Well, back to that night. Yes, you guessed it. The noise was a big bug. BIG.
I was utterly terrified, and had no idea what to do! If David had been home, he would have rolled his eyes at me, lectured me again, for the hundredth time, on how silly I was being, and how much I was overreacting. But he wasn't home...
So I took a chance. "Zacky!" I yelled. Bug! Bug! He came at a mad dash. I pointed to the kitchen. "You have to help mom, Zack", I said. He looked at me, and I could see he totally understood what he had to do. He ran into the kitchen, (I was standing a full room away, such a chicken) and I could hear him jump onto the counter, then leap at the wall. Zack knocked the bug to the floor, and put his front paw on him. I told him "GOOD BOY", and he blinked at me, and held his prize. Now it was still almost an hour before my husband was due home. What was I going to do now? So I had another talk with Zack. "Zacky...listen carefully to mommy". "You can't let that bug go until daddy comes home, understand?". He looked at me, and blinked again. Now, I tell you this in total honesty. That cat laid there on the kitchen floor, for an hour and fifteen minutes, with his paw on that bug. Normally he greets his daddy at the door, but this night, when David came home, he stayed in the kitchen, completeing his mission.
That is the kind of cat that I was blessed to share my life with for 13 1/2 years.
Zack...you were a once in a lifetime friend, and I will love you forever~
~~~~note: This story was read and approved by Zack ~~~~
June 16th 2009 3:47 pm
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A month has passed, since I left this earth.
All my angel friends have been so kind...helping me learn, showing me the ropes. I have started to visit my friends and family, and the wings are really a nice way to travel. I am glad now, that I never ate a bird.
I see my family still grieving for me, though, and I wish I could purr away all the sadness.
Time will help to heal them.
Harry is doing somewhat better. He is not out of danger yet, but we think he is strong enough to pull through.
Dalton is approaching a year, and growing so fast now. His personality is becoming more like mine all the time. I am coaching him, you see. *smiles*
Hannah just got some new pictures added. They are pretty funny. She is the ham of the house, she and Lily.
Well, that's all for right now, but I am going to tell you a story tomorrow, so stop back if you can.
Please remember how much you all mean to me, and how lucky I feel to have had so many friends at my side, when I needed them. You all are undoubtedly the BEST.
Purrs, >^,,^< Zack
May 29th 2009 7:05 pm
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Tomorrow is two weeks since you have left us. I lit your candle tonight, and said that two minutes would have been too long...
I miss you so much sweetheart. I owe all your friends so much, but I can't bring myself to write in your voice. All that you were, I put into your Catster life. That was you, not me, and you are gone. You need to help me. You need to help me stop crying every time I go to your page. You need to send those angel vibes down to me, so I can feel that you are safe.
I long to feel you jump into bed beside us. I even miss those sharp claws as you knead my arm. For so many years we have slept at the opposite end of the bed, so you could jump down easily if you had a seizure. I still can't sleep at the other end now. Your place is still there.
Hannah has been so sweet. She seems to understand my sadness. She licks my tears away, and last night, she pressed her cheek against mine, and purred almost silently, so I could fall asleep. When I turned over, she climbed over me, and placed her face against mine again. We all miss you being here, Zack.
Tomorrow, my gray man, prayers for you, tears for you, and hopefully some smiles for you, as I remember all the years together.
Always know that momma loves you..always...always.
May 26th 2009 6:58 pm
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Hello my friends,
I've been pretty quiet here, just getting adjusted to these wings. They can be a bit tricky, but I've got lessons lined up with some of my angel pals.
This halo is a bit difficult too. I run into stuff with it. I may have to ask for the collaspable version, you know, the ones that fold back like a car's hood ornament.
*smiles at the thought of his halo as a hood ornament*
But the reason I am writing tonight is because I had the pleasure and honor of being selected as a Diary Pick today. It's the first time for me!
It was very nice. I got pawmail congratulations from Wally, Hazel Lucy, Buddie, Peaches, and soc. Thank you, dear friends.
I received comments on my diary from soc, Chef Rooster, Maggie Moo, Aldo, Little Bit, Spunky, and Captain. You guys couldn't find anything more interesting to read? :)
Thank you also, for the support. Your comments really helped mom feel better. I see her crying every time she visits my page. I am going to ask the experienced angels how to send sweet dreams,
The goodies didn't stop there!
Wally sent a heart with the Diary Central choices for today. There I am!
Hooch and his family sent a refreshing grape drink, and Edgar, Emily, Gabby and Lucy sent a heart also. Kittanna sent a rainbow, and Karma Kitty and her family sent a gleaming emerald.
All these rosettes came with wonderful messages of love. and congratulations.
My friends Mouse, and Mipo sent a mouse and a lady bug! I bet I can catch those now. Thanks guys! That was very thoughtful.
Plus, my new angel friend, Jackson (his real name is All The Ladies Fancy), sent an Earth.
He went to the Bridge on May 4th, just about a week and a half before me. We are newbies together. I also met a lovely gal named Snow White. She also became an angel just days before me. She has the prettiest blue eyes you will ever see. Her momma is grieving like mine is. Maybe you could send her some love.
Two other new angel friends I would like to mention, are Scrappy, and Harvey. Harvey left for Heaven the first week of May. (Harvey, sorry I do not know the exact date). He was dearly loved by his family. Scrappy and I joined paws, as we crossed the Bridge the same day.
I hope their families are starting to heal.
Well...enough of my rambling. I started this out to say "Thank You" to everypaw who congratulated me.
Until we meet again~
Love and purrs,
May 22nd 2009 1:08 pm
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I haven't quite gotten the hang of this Angel business...it's very different. It's kind of like being in a dream.
I think momma wants to try to remember me with joy, instead of tears. She changed my wallpaper to a happier one.
Some cats sent lovely poems, and dad printed them out and put them in my burial box. Mom almost put in my favorite toy when I was a kitten, but then she decided she had to keep that.
I told her to give it to Dalton or Fisher. They are the youngest, and would enjoy it. It's a fleece man, that I called "wrestle buddy", because I used to grab it, and rabbit kick it to pieces. Mom said she must have washed it a hundred times over the years. It still looks great.
That's all I have time for now, but I will try to write more soon. You'd be surprised how busy it is here. :)
Harry is going to get the computer first, for his get well thank you's, then I will begin. I love you all for caring for this old gray cat, so much, and for helping my family get through this hard time.
Soft purrs and much love,
Angel >^,,^< Zack
May 19th 2009 7:18 pm
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How much space can one little gray cat take up in a house?
Not much, in a house so full of cats as ours.
....but it seems enormous, and empty without him.
How much space can one little kitty take up in your heart, when it is promised to so many?
....enough so that it feels shattered into a million pieces when he is gone.
How much can the loss of one cat affect your world?
....So much that it causes a hole in my world, a black hole trying to collapse in all the joy, all the hope, into a pit of sorrow.
I love you my Zacky, and I miss you so desperately.
Please wait for me, and know that each remaining day of my life, I will look forward to seeing you again.
With love, always and forever,
May 16th 2009 7:08 pm
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Last night, Zack was restless. He kept following me to the refrigerator, and when I would offer something, he would just lay down. His face looked thinner than ever, and his eyes more sunken. He was also more wobbly than he had been.
I shared my fears with my husband, and we both watched him very closely.
This morning, I purposely let David get up first because I was afraid I might find Zack gone, but there he was, sitting up. My heart filled with hope.
Later this morning we were gone, visiting Harry at the vet's. It took longer than we expected because they had lots of instructions because he was being released from the hospital, after lunch.
When we walked in, there was a commotion in the kitchen.
Several cats were gathered around Zack, who was lying flat on the floor, with his whole body twitching. We instantly realized he was having a seizure. But this one was different than his usual ones, which were very violent. David looked at his pupils, and saw they were very dilated. We carefully moved him to a cat bed away from the others. I lay beside him, and cradled his head in my hands, and talked to him. The seizure seemed to go on forever. His normal ones lasted less than a minute, but this one was more like twenty minutes. I think it was multiple ones because at times it would stop, and I would catch a glimpse of recognition in his eyes, and when I told him I loved him, he partly closed his eyes, as if he understood.
Finally the twitching stopped, and he began to take slow breaths and I knew he was passing away. All I could do was keep telling him how much we loved him, and telling him he could let go. He fought to stay alive. He did not want to go. I told him he did not have to stay for me, that I would be okay. I am far from okay, but I didn't want him to try to hang on. An hour passed, and slowly his breaths came further apart. Each time I thought one was his last, he would gasp again, and I would burst into tears again. He didn't want to die, and he tried so valiantly to live. At one point I would have traded my life for his.
I prayed to God to be merciful, and take him to Heaven. Finally that prayer was answered. I held him to my chest for a long, long time. So long that his tiny, bony body started to grow cold. My husband had to come and take him from my arms. I didn't want to put him down.
I can't believe that he is gone. I look for him in every room. I stared at his litter pan, and cat bed. I started to wash his bowls. It is an unreal feeling.
I will never stop loving my little gray cat. I will never stop missing him either.
We feel honored to have shared nearly fourteen years with him.
In the coming weeks, I will probably share some stories, and memories with you.
It will take me a long time to write to everyone who has been part of Zack's Catster life, and properly thank you all, but I will. For him.
We love you Zacky, Rest in Peace my love.
~Momma and Daddy
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