To clip or not be clipped...

Myzmomma hads toos doos myz claws
lash nites. An whiles I wuz a berry gud boy wen she did it I dids gets her paw a cuppla times wen sheese wuz snippin myz nails. Momma iz alweys sayin to clip or not to clip wen sheese iz doodin ours nails, soos Ize deshided toos look up Hamlet's speech an Say its in myz own wurds. I tink itz cute. No offence to shakespear. I gots momma to change it jush furr my own pleashure. an ob course ifs eberryones elshes likeses it dat iz cool toos.
ENJOYS
Soos heres itz iz:

To clip or not be clipped.
Nows dat iz da questshun.
Wud itz bees nibblier in da mines ob cats eberywhere
Toos suffers da clippers an da files
Ob catrageous Furrtunes
Ors toos takes up claws an teefs
Aginst a litter box ob trubbles.
An den byz opposin da clippin ob my claws stops dem,
Frum makin blood lettin ob da senselesses hoomin slaves an eberydey ting.
Fur them toos wills awakenes, toos sleeps no mores.
Ohs da longin, da heart-aches da towsand natural shocks frum da rugs
Static elecric shocks. Dat myz furr iz heir toos.
Fur weese will bees watchin an
Yea weese toos wills sleeps Purr chances toos dreams,
Aye an dere’z da Rub. Ifs weese is lucky it’s a rub in da skritchy spot
Rite unner my chin or betweens myz earses
An wat dreams may come?
Dreams of High spots, an boxes, an bags.
An toos bees sharpennin myz long sharp claws .
An big bowls ob fresh cream and speshal crunchies
Sitting up high on Perches tufted and stuffed wit feathers
An beds ob soft furrs surrounded bys sun puddles.
An warm safes spot to rest

An wen weese haz shuffeldes offs toos ours cumffy beddiess,
Toos sleeps da sleeps ob kitty-cat rest,
Den da onlee ting weese haz to doos is Purr an Purr
Untils itz times toos doos its all agin on da meowrow.

Heese dids itz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mrowl mrowl mrowl. rml rnl rnl. Ize jush cants stops laffin. Dat dum dog dids itz. Affer weese alls gots ins trubbl wit tryin toos sets him up furr trashin da house an momma figurin it outs soos ez, heese dids itz alls bys hisselfs. Wen Ize seed hims dooin its, Ize called alls myz broders an hissters an tole dem to gets a gud seat an get comfurrble. Dis wuz gonna bees fun. Dat Sam wuz puttin ons a show. An Most ob usses wuz der to sees it. Weese all feels vin-da-cat-ed. MROWL MROWL.
Momma wuz goin toos bed lash nite ans almosh alls ob usses sleeps wit momma. Eben da dog. Momma an Poppa haz a gate at the bottoms ob da steps dat dey shutses atz nite toos keeps Sam the Shameless one upstairs an out ob da trash. Well sumhow (an nones ob usses gud kitties ken figgurr outz how exactuallllllllly ) sumhows da gate gots undun. An Sam bein Sam well heese iz a dog an jush cudnt resist da calls of cat fud cans an odder smelly tings in da trash. Momma wuz upstairs callin Sam n heese wuznt comim soos shees wen looking furr him. Wells (snicker snicker)she foun hims. Der he wuz, standin in da middle of a bunch ob trash, wit a cat fud can hangin offs hiz snout. Momma hads toos cober her face an turns away becuz sheese wuz laffin at hisses fool self. Den sheese lookeded atz da mess heese made, an boy, o boy, o boy, wuz heese in trubble den. He shreded a tied up big bag an den empteed da trashcan all ober da floor. I tinked dat Sheese wuz gonna haz a catnipshun fit ats him. Sheese haz dids dis a cuppl timez wit usses furr wat ize thought wuz a relativlee minor infrac-shun (a brokem bowl, Sheese wuz screamin dat itz wuz a blu willow. an an anteek. Dat meens Itz wuz old. I tink its wuz Poppa mother's. i tried explanin dat it shudnt have been on da spot in front of da window where I likes to play but..Cudnt talk toos her) Catnipshun- Likes Ize sed it aint pretty. Sheese rolled up a newspaper an shook it atz him wile sheese ranted. Wells Heese wuz soos scared heese tinkled on his own leg. Nows dat iz embarressin. Heese iz such a woosey. Almosh mades meese feels sorry furr him. Ize said almosh, Ize iz a cat affer alls. Ize doos haz standurrs. Nones ob usses wud eber doos dat. Da tinklin not da trashin. Weese always knock da trash ober. I tink its in our contrax as part ob our free play time. An at least not for a rolled up newspaper shook atz usses. An momma wud neber hits him ors anys obs usses wit it. sheese jush threatens hims wit itz. Soos heese ran up on da couch an sat ins shame wile momma picked up da trash. Den heese ran toose da door cuz heese needed toos goos outside to makes peepees. No kiddin weese alls knew dat alreddy. Soos momma lets him out aan heese out der smellin eberyting in da yard an examinin alls da peeceses ob grass. Heese jush dint want to comes back inside an bees in trubble agin. Heese wudnt come wen momma called him soos sheese wuz reely gettin mad.
Weese dont haz a fenced yard soos momma bought a long cable dat hooks on hises harness. an ons da odder end its hooks on da railing right outside da door soos ifs its cold an hees jush needs too do #1 momma hooks him up an he can romp a play an not wander away an gets hurts. Hees dont always lissen da best. likes now. Also momma is in hers nitegown an its toos cold to goos out likes dat.
Soos momma reached out an grabbed da cable an reeled hims in likes a big tuna Ize saws a fishyman catch ons cat TV. Heese came in an momma held onto him an sent hims upstairs an relocked da gate. Shees tolds usses nots toos doos dat agin. Weese had no idee wat shees wuz talkin bout.
Den sheese wen back up an got ins bed agin an dat silly dog came back downstairs agin. Heese wuz waitin furr sumone to open da gate agin, Ize thought bout its buts Ize wuz in enuf trubbl for tryin to fake hers out da odder day an Ize reely wuznt da one who openedes it tonite. I tink ones ob da hoomins dint lock it rite. dat iz myz purrshunal opinyun. Buts yew knoe hoomins, its wuz neber dem. Well momma looked dwn doose stairs an called him up an he came dis time. Sheese wuz gettin tired of allseda back an forth. Sheese sed sheese hads enuf an sheese locked da bed rum door with the hook. Ize can open it affer a lot ob work butz I wuz outsides da door an figured i wud stay out fur tonite. mommma wuz in no mood fur meese to gets intoos anyting else tonite. Zeus an Tabitha an MrsKitty were in wit dem. Dey will report ins da mornin on wat da nite wuz like. Sleep well all Catster cats.

thwarted.

Weese thought weese hads a way toos gets da dog in trouble an wud neber bees foun out. Oh weese wuz soos wrong. Heese iz a trasher. An poppa always yells ats him fur dooin it. An den heese haz toos hangs hiz silly heds in shame fur bein bad. Mrowl mrowl. I likes dat part best. Soos weese (Mimi, Raggs an Isis,) all desides toos keeps hims in trubble. Weese throwed da trash alls ober da place ans ripped up momma's favorite box of dry kibble. da stuff dat smells like chocolate but is all artificial. But sheese likes it anyways. Weese reely mades a mess. Poppa came downstairs an da place was gud an recked. Heese wuz walkin roun mutterin gonna kill da dog. weese wuz alls bery prouds ob ourselves. Jake sed dat weese blew it buts weese dint beliebs him. soos heese said fine you'll sees. Momma cames home wit da dog a little while later a poppa sed do you sees wat heese did dis time? Momma looked round an sed Sam dint doos dis. dey did. She pointed her paw at usses. Weese wuz all lookin az innoscent az possible unner da circunstances. Den sheese sed Dis wasnt likes dis wens weese went out 3 hours ago. and Sam wuz wit me. She piked up the piece of hers kibble box dat Ize had reely worked hard on an sed deese are cat teeth. sam's teeth are bigger an farther apart. Dey ares settin him ups to gets yelled at bys you. Poppa wuz speechless. Weese is gonna habs toos haz a meeting an try dis agin an not leeve evidence of our involvement. Maybe weese cud knok out a dog tooth an leeve it at da sceene ob da crime. Weese hab toos wurks on it. Jake iz laffing hisses fool tail off sayin told yous so. Yous cant makes a mess an blames hims ifs heese not home. Weese reely dint tink ob dat. Well better luk nex time. hehehehe.

I do not steal dog fud

Mrowl mrowl, I jus red wat dat silly dog said bout meese an my broder Muggs an Hisster Tabitha doos. Nows I don't deny dat Tabbie cobers ups his fud. Its dog fud an it haz a furny smell. Soos sheese is bein purlite an coberin it up. Can't haz da hole place smellin like dog, rite? And alls Muggsan Ize doos is to try toos eats it so itz don smell ups da house. I tink dat is a gud ting toos doos. nHehehe. Muggs agrees. But here cums dis silly dog awooin an agga agga agga all ober da place. He he. Waving does paws like a crazy dog. He really don't want usses toeats hiz stuf. I tole Muggs if weese eats hiz fud maybees heese wud goos away, but momma always makes sure dat weese alls haz food. Sheese really iz a gud momma. An I hates to admit it I kinda likes dat silly dog ats dis point heese iz furny. Heese always gettin into sumptin an dat take3s da heat offs usses. Poppa yells ats him an leabes usses alone. Not really but weese gets away wit more cause poppa blames Sam ebery time da trash is knocked ober an torn up. Heese furgets dat weese knoes how to trash toos ;) Yeah he is gud fur sumptin. I haz trashin to do and blame to lay..Mrowl mrowl. :D

my Gotcha day annee verserry

Hard to believe that Ize haz bins heres fur 5 years. Seems likes yesterday when I wuz walkin up an momma scooped meese up an Ize wuz neber gonna haz toos looks fur fud agin. Ize wuz pretty mean at furs toos muggs mrowlmrowl. catually I still gives hims a gud nip on da tail ebery nows an den. I did it tonite az a mutter ovs fac. I wound up with a mouthful of fur but it wz wurth it Mrowl. Ie iz gettin easee er goin az Ize gets older. OOH gotta goos. Momma's offerin snaks.

Our nemisis

Well Ize wuz jus readin over Zeus' shoulder an I haz to agree these JRT tings haz way more energy than is safe in a house full of cats. I mean after alls weese haz our rutine an he jus blows that away. I mean I have speshul time with momma at nite in bed anheese layin in my spot. An he chases alls of us includin Jake. Now dat aint cool. Jake isn't feelin well an dat dog shud leev him alone. Weese alls haz taken turns watchin out fur Jake. He iz our senior cat an weese don like him beein bullied. If he don watch himself Ize iz gonna get hims one nite an pull his curly tail of an wak him with it. He'll find out what it wud be like toos bees a longtail cat at a rocking chair convention. MROWL MROWL MROWL. I wont really but it souns good. But jus tink bout it, it wud bees funny. He'd jus go cryin to momma like a leetle girl anyway. Thats wat happens when Mimi steps in an stops him from botherin someone, or from eatin our fud. He runs off yipin and hides behin momma. Well Ize iz gonna goos toos bed. My spot best be there or there will be fur flyin.

Our nemisis

Well Ize wuz jus readin over Zeus' shoulder an I haz to agree these JRT tings haz way more energy than is safe in a house full of cats. I mean after alls weese haz our rutine an he jus blows that away. I mean I have speshul time with momma at nite in bed anheese layin in my spot. An he chases alls of us includin Jake. Now dat aint cool. Jake isn't feelin well an dat dog shud leev him alone. Weese alls haz taken turns watchin out fur Jake. He iz our senior cat an weese don like him beein bullied. If he don watch himself Ize iz gonna get hims one nite an pull his curly tail of an wak him with it. He'll find out what it wud be like toos bees a longtail cat at a rocking chair convention. MROWL MROWL MROWL. I wont really but it souns good. But jus tink bout it, it wud bees funny. He'd jus go cryin to momma like a leetle girl anyway. Thats wat happens when Mimi steps in an stops him from botherin someone, or from eatin our fud. He runs off yipin and hides behin momma. Well Ize iz gonna goos toos bed. My spot best be there or there will be fur flyin.

I doone tink dis dog iz rite in da hed. Momma takeses hims outs fur "walks" to do hisses biznes but heese come home an peeses on da tile floor. Weese alls tried toos tells hims dat momma wud not bees happy bout dis but he iz a dog. dey ares not da smarnessed creeters arun. Momma sez he must ov bin used toos doin on tile floor ins hises lash home. Least itz not da rug. Momma sez weese needses toos be pashent.I done knoe hows pashent Tabitha iz gonna bees. Sheese tinks dis is rude.
Now about dat barking. Ize haz herd doggs bark bfur, but dis ting haz da weerdestess ""voice" Ize haz eber herd. Souns like "arabba arabba" Momma sez it souns weerdes toos hers toos. Speekin of his weerdness heese needs to bees 'walked' ain. Momma haz to go. Weese will write murr later
Scritches and head butts to alls MROWL MROWL. Thor the God Of War

Dis iz da Dog Dayz of August

Nowz I haz a new playmate. Momma brout home a dog. Sheese sez heese a puppy. wich iz likes a baby dog. Heese taller dam meese. weighs bout da same. Heese haz to eet diffent fud da weese dood. I haz a problem wit my kidneys an get bloked up sumtimez. So momma haz usses alls eets da same fud cause it wont hurt my broders an hissters. Dis wey sheese don haz to buys diffent fuds for usses cattsess. Now doggies iz a differnt ting compurreeetlee. Momma sez dey needs diffent tings in dere fud. Also since heese a baby he needs speskal fud.
Momma sez sheese luvs dis uncat I will makes an effert to bees nice. I know we had a meeting about Sam an Ize suggested Smudderin hims butts Ize wuz onlee kiddin. Dey alls knew dat.
Besides Sam seems to like Jake an Jake likess Sam. Jake is our Elder Cat. 0k Tabbie's gonna train hims, Everyone iz gonna takes turns trainin him an helpin tabbie.fur rite now weese gonna sees wat happins. Alls Ize knows iz dat I luves myze momma an ifs dis iz wat sheese wants den dis iz wat wese gonna doos

Lies

Ya knoe just becuz Iz occashunalee tune him up or takes a taste of hiz creemy culured fur, duzen meen Iz steelses hiz fud. Duz Iz looks likes a kittie hoo wud steels anudder kittee's fud? Of corse not. Nows Eye knoe dat Jake dint mention me specifically or momma wud have had me in lock down. Besides My pain in the post-ear-ree Muggz, follows Jake ever time heese goeses to eats an stans guard soos no onez budders Jake. To think dat wen Muggz furs came heres to live he hated Jake. Momma cuddnt leeveses dem alone. Muggz wud attak Jake all dat time. Iz Never sawed dis wit my own toos eyeses but dere are staories Ize haz herd. Now Heese like Jake's bodyguard. Considering how much mor heese weighs maybee Iz shud try to take a bites of him. I tink heese wud kills meese ifs Iz did tho. Everbody seems toos haz a bodyguard. I dunt knoe why. Maozer haz Mimi. Isis haz Jake who haz Muggz. The kids haz Tabbie. Nobodee guards meese. I feels left out.
Hmmm... Well Iz ize ginna go see who wants to play. Maybe Kittie or Isis.... I luvz it when dey screams. he he he.
Mrowl, mrowl, mrowl