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Toby's Diary

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My mum stole another toy

May 5th 2016 10:54 pm
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It buzzed in yesterday, resplendent in black and yellow stripes. I knew I could catch it but mum said not to chase it.

"You're chasing it," I said. That was so unfair. She keeps all the best things for herself and isn't even very good at it. The wassop escaped and buzzed out again.

Then my mum painted some splodges on a wall. "I'm trying to choose what colour to paint the spare room," she said.

"You know you're not very good at painting walls," I reminded her.

"I'm not very good at lots of things but I never let that stop me," she said.

I considered this. "You are pretty good at head scritches. You should probably stick with those." She really should.


Surprises for my mum

May 4th 2016 10:58 pm
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Yesterday they were coming for the bed in the spare room so my mum pulled it out to give it a good clean. And she went, "Yeauch! That's revolting."

"What is?"

"I think it's...", she peered a bit closer, "yes, it is, it's a very dried up frog. Or what's left of one."

"I expect that's just one of my many prey for I am a mighty hunter," I said.

"It looks old enough even for it to be one of Henry's which is more likely," she said, scooping it up on the dustpan at very arm's length. People are weird. It could not do her any harm.

Then later she was cutting back the brambles at the end of the garden when she saw something else she wasn't expecting.

"It's Da Bird," she exclaimed, "How did it get here?"

"There is a clue in the name," I pointed out.

She gave me that look. "It did not fly. It's a toy."

It's my favourite toy and we had lost it. I was so pleased to have it back. Only mum put it in the bin. Turns out being out all winter isn't particularly good for things with feathers on (although real birds manage OK) so now it was more of a long stick.


Hunting season

May 3rd 2016 11:09 pm
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Spring is, of course, prime hunting season. I only managed the one bird last year and am resolved to do better this year.

My mum has been working on her technique as well. Normally she is terrible, you're patiently and stealthily poised, about to pounce, and she'll come running out, arms waving and shouting, and the bird gets away.

But yesterday I found her on all fours on the kitchen floor, intently focused and occasionally reaching out. I sat beside her to see what game she was playing. Out came a flailing arm, "No, no Toby, this isn't a cat game."

"Looks like one," I said but she was adamant that she was having all the fun for herself. I wasn't even allowed to walk through. She's so selfish.

Her story was that when she opened the kitchen cupboard a jar of honey had fallen and smashed on the floor. She had swept the floor and mopped the floor and yet was still seeing tiny shards of glass. That's what she was looking for. She worried about us getting them on our paws. I don't know how or why she made the honey jump.


Fixed fences

May 2nd 2016 10:55 pm
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Sometimes I like to snuggle with my mum. Yesterday morning I nestled right up against her arm, purring and snoodling and feeling all cosy and content.

She sighed. "I was going to do so much today Toby, but I can't move you."

"You're welcome," I muttered. For who wouldn't rather be on their sofa nestled with their cat than doing chores?!

How long we would have remained like that will never be known for their was suddenly a banging from our garden. We all got up to have a look. A man was there, fixing the falled over fences.

Since they blew over there has been a steady stream of cats walking through. I am worried that they will come as before, find the exit blocked, not know where to go and we will have a garden full of cats.

Mum doesn't see anything wrong with that vision but I most certainly do!


Strange goings on

May 1st 2016 10:49 pm
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I saw it first. I went back in to tell Josie and she went out to take a look. What was happening?

"I'm digging the flower bed," said my mum. "You've seen me do that before."

I'm pretty sure I haven't. "I'm only five," I said, "I'm pretty sure I haven't."

My mum considered this. "You're probably right. I bought a little rose bush and planted it about a month ago and I saw it's all choked up with grass and weeds so I thought I better help."

Gosh. It's a good thing my mum is going back to work or who knows what she might do in that garden!


Definition of empty

April 27th 2016 11:11 pm
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I am a reasonable cat. I will eat own label food. But I will NOT eat own label biscuits. Even Josie won't eat own label biscuits. So if they are in our bowl then our bowl is empty and so I tell my mum.

We are eating Whiskas biscuits at the moment and I like them. I like them all but I like the yellow ones the best. Once there are no yellow ones left the bowl is empty and so I tell my mum.

She's a bit dim and it took her a while to work this out. Many fruitless conversations. "It's not empty, I see biscuits," and I would just look at her and sigh. There were no yellow biscuits left. The bowl was empty!

But she has got it now and I see her peer in and check and when there's no yellow we get a top up. Human training does take patience but they get there in the end.

Uncle Bill has gone back to his family and cats in Scotland. He's quite tall so I wasn't that happy when he was walking about so don't miss him so much.


Uncle Bill is staying

April 26th 2016 10:22 pm
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We know when someone is coming to stay as my mum takes loads of things out of the spare room and makes up the bed. She was doing this and she said, "Toby! in a cross voice and "You horrible cat. When did you do this?"

"When couldn't you be bothered to buy me the right kitty litter?"

I have very strong views on that subject. If the tray's not right I use the bed. My mum is normally pretty good on that front but a few weeks ago they sold out as my brand was on special offer and my mum tried to fob me off on something different.

She should know.

Some stuff went in the bin and mum said I had helped make her mind up about something that had to go. I did my best big eyes just in case. She can't resist my big eyes.

"Not you," she said, stroking my back, "Even though you drive me nuts. The bed has to go. In my new job they want me to work from home sometimes and this room is going to be my home office. We hardly ever have overnight guests. I'll get a foldy bed for them."

Ah - her new employers had spotted the master hand behind her presentation and are hoping for more.

We have Uncle Bill staying. He sat where my mum normally sits so I sat next to him for my petting. Mum gave him my brush and that was nice. Mum said that is clearly the arm of the sofa that I love, not her. Probably true!


I've noticed a trend

April 25th 2016 11:18 pm
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Mum and Josie were bickering yesterday. Josie said that my mum was wearing Josie's bed whilst mum said it is in fact a fleece for people to wear and not a cat cosy bed. Josie was having none of it.

"Remember when you put that blanket on the back of the sofa?" I asked.

"Ah yes," said my mum, "I was going to put it over my legs on cold winter evenings."

"And why don't you ever do that?" I asked.

"Because Josie is asleep on it mostly," she replied.

"Correct. And why did you have to get a second lap tray?"

"Because Josie likes to sleep on the base of it," mum said.

I knew all this. I had a point to make.

"And why don't you get to wear your new fleece very often?"

A pause. A mumble.

"Speak up."

"Josie sleeps on it."

"That's right. Are you noticing a trend? Everything that you have to make your life cosier gets taken by the tortie."

Never any harm in reminding my mum of the many reasons that I am the superior cat.


A Celebration

April 24th 2016 9:57 pm
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We got beef. That's our favourite. My mum has been offered a job.

"I expect it was the one where I helped you with the presentation," I said and she agreed it was. I don't see why Josie got beef as I didn't see her leaping up to join in when my mum practised.

But we're all happy as my mum will be earning again. We don't know when she will start. She's going back to find that out today.


The stick with feathers on the end

April 21st 2016 10:43 pm
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I heard my mum in the bedroom. She was laughing, "Go on then" and some noises so I had to vestigate.

Josie was leaping and bounding and chasing the stick with feathers on.

"Do you want to join in?" asked my mum, waving the feathers towards me.

I looked at them both coldly. "Not really."

I do not get that game. Josie loves it but it's just our mum wiggling a stick around. It offers nothing like the thrill of a good red dot chase or Da Bird's aeronautics.

I do not understand Josie at all.

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