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Toby's Diary

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Spring

March 16th 2016 11:23 pm
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I do like the sun. I do like seeing lots of birdies (I only caught one last year; determined to do better this year!).

I do not like my mum mowing the lawn. Anything else in the garden is fine - playing with us ideally but even cutting things back is OK but what's with the lawn mower?!

She did that yesterday. I hid. Better safe than sorry.

 

We are my mum's cats

March 15th 2016 11:45 pm
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Yesterday was not sunny. I asked my mum to make it so but she just couldn't be bothered, just kept saying that the weather is out of her control.

When there was a loud knock on the door and a policeman was standing there I assumed he had come to arrest her for kitty neglect but this was not so. He had come to give her some magic water.

She was to dab it on everything that she values. If some thief stole it the magic water would prove it was hers.

She dabbed some on her laptop and tablet and then looked all around. "Hm, what else do I have that is valuable?"

I looked at her. "Does it work on cats?"

"(A) You would just lick it off and (B) You are both already chipped so we know you're mine," she said.

So it's official then - Josie and I are more precious than mum's laptop and her tablet and any of her gadgets as we were chipped and marked as hers long before any of them were.

(Although when I say "hers" I mean her owners rather than anything else. I'm in charge and then Josie in this house.)

 

My toasty space

March 14th 2016 11:31 pm
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Not Josie's!

I am loving Spring. In the day it's sunny and I lie on the back of the armchair by the window, letting the sunbeams do their thing, warmed and delightfully snug. Then when the sun goes to bed and it starts getting cold I move across to be toasty by the radiator. It's perfect.

Except for just one thing.

Yesterday there I was, asleep in the sun, dreaming about dragons and epic battles. I woke up to turn over and became aware of something. While I had been soundly asleep that sneaky Josie had crept up and settled herself next to me - in MY sunbeam.

She was stealing my warm. I looked at her. She looked back at me anxiously, for she knew she had done wrong. I intensified my glare and she got the message and skedaddled off.

"You're so mean," said my mum, "There's room for both of you there."

To the victor, the spoils. I made myself all comfy again. Mum picked Josie up and put her on the sofa where the sun was also shining. But it had already passed over me at that point so I had the best bits and I don't mind Josie having leftover sun.

"I will fix this," said my mum. Tap, tappety, tap on her keyboard. I don't know what she did but Josie took a look and it made her purr. We'll see.

 

Mum's interview

March 13th 2016 11:37 pm
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I gave her lots of advice as she was getting ready on Friday.

"Try scritching their heads. We always like that. Oh and take some treats. And if all else fails show them your tummy. Everyone likes a tummy. And another thing...."

"Shhh Toby," she said, rather ungratefully. "I'm trying to concentrate."

One last check of everything before she left. Then disaster. A button flew off her trousers.

"It's alright. I caught it." This was really playing to my strengths. Finding small things that are rolling.

Mum looked horrified. "I don't have time to sew it back on and I don't have another outfit ready. I'll just have to hope the other button holds."

She came back with a new suit in a bag so we can take it the other button did not hold.

"Stupid suit," she said. I looked at her squidgly soft tummy that Josie so loves to pad. "It may not entirely be the suit's fault," I pointed out. There has been some sitting about eating chocklit since mum stopped work.

So my mum has a new suit, a resolution not to be doing so much snacking - and another interview this morning. I'll be standing by for stray buttons.

 

I was very brave

March 10th 2016 10:05 pm
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As you would expect.

My mum came home yesterday evening and got out the ironing board. Josie likes ironing - smooth and gently warmed clothes in a big pile is her idea of heaven. But I don't.

I hate the ker-klunch when my mum opens it up and I hate the way the iron hisses and I hate the ker-klunch when she folds it up again. I normally stay well away.

But yesterday I came in the room. I know! Fearless and 96% tiger.

The reason mum was ironing was she has an interview this morning. Every day she sends applications and CVs and off it all goes and nothing happens and then suddenly, weeks later, they phone her and want to see her right away.

She says she really wants the one today so we are purring at max mode.

 

Staying dry

March 9th 2016 10:55 pm
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Yesterday it rained and it rained and it rained. And my crazy mum went out in it.

When she came home she was drenched and had to change. She came in, rubbing her hair with a towel, and looked at me and Josie.

"Have you two become one with the sofa?" she asked, "I swear neither of you have moved a muscle since this morning."

I twitched an ear to show that I was still capable of independent movement, then buried my face deeper in my paws. Sofa, how we love you!

Peoples are always going on about being the most intelligent species but Josie and I had an awesome day, sleeping and dreaming and, most importantly, staying dry. My mum got wet.

She had just washed a load of jeans so didn't have any dry ones to wear so was in scaggy sweats and a big cardigan with a towel around her neck when the phone rang.

"Yes, that's right," she was saying, suddenly in professional mode. "I applied for the role because..." she was frantically scrabbling through her notes to remember the details of this one. Hopefully she answered all their questions Ok and they'll want to meet her. We'll see.

 

Mum has to learn

March 8th 2016 10:42 pm
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On Monday evening it was cold out. Josie made herself all comfy on mum's lap and I was on the arm of the sofa next to them. I slid gently down so I was nestled against my mum's warmth and we were the cosiest beings in Cosy Town.

Until.

"Right - dance class," said my mum, shoving us brutally aside, and off she went.

Like that, is it?!

So last night, she settled herself, patted her lap enticingly and looked at me.

"I'm in for the evening," she said. "Come and be cosy."

It doesn't work like that. You can't spurn us one night and expect is to want you the next. We both ignored her.

Serves her right!

 

96% Tiger

March 7th 2016 11:07 pm
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Yes, that's me. My mum was watching a programme about cats (her favourite topic of course) and they said cats are 96% tiger.

"Your DNA is," says my mum. Same thing. I always knew that.

We also learned that purring is very good for our bones and general health so my mum must do the things that make me and Josie purr as much as possible. For our health!

Mostly they showed our big cat relatives hunting and my mum wouldn't look but we hunt just the same.

Next week they will explain why cats came to live with peoples. Mum looked at me toasting my face on the radiator and Josie curled up all snuggly on her fleece and said she doesn't think that one is a particularly difficult puzzle.

 

My birthday

March 6th 2016 10:01 pm
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I woke my mum up on Saturday. "It's the 5th; I am 5 and it's 5am," I told her in great excitement. Strangely enough she wasn't as excited by all those fives as I was.

She didn't even get up to give me my special birthday breakfast.

She went out for the day which was a bit disappointing. To a Scrapbooking Crop.

"Did you do a page about me or about Josie?" I asked her when she got back.

"What makes you think I did either of you?" she replied.

"Knowing you for more than five minutes," I said.

Turns out she had done a page about each of us so I was right. Us five year old cats are pretty awesome and know everything.

My main present was catnip infused crinkle paper that my mum threw for me. I wasn't sure at first but once I got into it I really loved them. Josie got quite skittish too. And I had some ham but I had to share that with Josie as well. It's not her birthday.

But all in all a good day and I think being five is going to be even better than being four which I hadn't realised was possible.

 

I would not like to meet a dog

March 3rd 2016 10:16 pm
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Mum was sponging down her coat yesterday, washing off what looked like enormous paw prints.

"They look like enormous paw prints," I commented.

"They are," she said.

I knew she had been with a dog. He had slobbered all over her and left a doggy smell. They had gone for a walk and he had jumped up at her a few times with his big enormous muddy paws.

"This is why you have cats," I said. "We are so much more refined."

Josie slightly undermined my argument by choosing exactly that moment to come haring in at 90 miles an hour, see us, do an exaggerated double-take and zoom off in the opposite direction.

"But at least she doesn't leave paw prints on your coat."

Mum looked at the arm of the sofa, where I had left a dainty pattern of my foot prints. "Mine are works of art," I said swiftly.

Seeing my mum about to argue I moved the conversation on. "What are you getting me for my birthday?"

For yes, indeed, all can celebrate. I turn exactly five years old tomorrow. I cannot wait to see what fun being five is.

 
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