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Toby's Diary

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Josie the literary critic

January 14th 2016 10:19 pm
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My mum was reading a stupid soppy romantic novel so Josie barfed on it. Now my mum will never find out if the the hero got to enfold the heroine in his manly embrace.

Spoiler alert: I am pretty sure he did. They always do

Not that us cats disapprove of reading. Mum sitting quietly, probably with Josie on her lap, it's all good. We just don't want her getting ideas about men with square jaws, steely eyes and rippling muscles. We don't need one of them. We just need mum and us cats!

 

That's my seat

January 13th 2016 10:35 pm
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It's definitely getting colder now. Josie in particular feels the cold and will do anything to stay warm. She loves to use mum's warm so when my mum stands up, Josie takes her place.

Only last night she couldn't wait. Mum was just sitting there and sitting there and Josie was cold so she took direct action. She started by poking mum with a paw and then moved on to trying to push with her head.

"Hey!" said my mum, "leave me be."

I was fascinated to see how this battle of wills would play out. Cats usually win of course but mum was using her size to her advantage - and the fact she was already in the seat.

It looked like mum had won but lucky for Josie mum was going out so Josie did get her nicely warmed up cushion and was a very contented cat. She doesn't ask much really; just that mum plans her life around that tortie's whims.

Which is crazy. My whims are so much more important!

 

Cats Rule; Dogs drool!

January 12th 2016 10:18 pm
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It was raining when my mum came home from work last night, rainy and cold. She gave us our supper and made herself a bowl of pasta and we all settled down on the sofa to be cosy.

"This is the way to spend a winter's evening," she declared, and we could not disagree.

Turns out she was chatting with a friend at work as they were leaving. The friend has a dog. The friend was saying she would go home and her dog would be delighted to see her and run and fetch his lead. He loves his walks so out into the rain she would have to go.

Mum was quite contented to think that we would be happy to stay indoors. Don't worry - we got our exercise. Nothing like a good game of tag to get the system going and that can all be enjoyed indoors. Us cats are just awesome!

 

Thank you SureFlap

January 11th 2016 10:26 pm
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It was a couple of months ago I was heading out when I heard something of a clatter behind me. I thought nothing of it but Josie told me that my mum went rushing through to see "what has the boy broken this time?"

Turns out I had kicked the lock out of our magic door. Awesome! I could come and go as I pleased. No more being shut in at night nonsense.

But mum fitted it back in. So I kicked it out again. And she fitted it back. So I kicked it out...

Anyway she reckons if I kick the lock out then any old cat could come wandering in. So she contacted SureFlap who made the door.

Right away they have sent her a new lock and they didn't even ask for any money for it which is kind. Given how many cats live round here we need a door that keeps them out. Now if I could just work out a way to keep Josie out...!!

 

You can't fool a cat

January 10th 2016 10:26 pm
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When mum came home on Friday she was very tired. I think she forgot how to work a whole five days over Christmas and New Year and work had been a bit different so the whole thing was rather a shock to her system.

She had been to the soupmarket on the way home and she put her fridge stuff in the fridge and her freezer stuff in the freezer and a pizza in the over and she slumped on the sofa.

"I am soooo tired," she told me.

But I wasn't listening. For she had left the rest of the shopping bags on the floor to put away later and unless my nose deceived me there was something for me in there. And my nose never deceives me.

I went and had a good sniff. Ham. Definitely ham. I like ham. I wondered if I could scratch my way through the fabric of the bag and had a good go. Mum came out. "What are you doing?" she asked, although I would have thought that was obvious. "There's nothing in there for you."

"Oh yes there is." More scratching. Then I tried a new tack. Get to the opening, unfold everything, paw in, rootle, rootle, rootle, ah Success!!

This is when mum came out again and saw what I had got.

"Oh the ham. I had forgotten that. It is for you."

I knew that. She gave us some and it was delicious. I even let Josie have some even though it was me that found it.

So an excellent start to our weekend.

 

Normal for cats

January 7th 2016 10:24 pm
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Working in pet insurance naturally most of the people mum works with love cats (and some even love dogs) and they mostly have pets. But they do other products too so there are a few people there who don't.

One of these came to my mum this week.

"I have a kitten," she announced. "Now, you know I don't like cats, but this one is special."

Mum just smiled. All cats are special. But the conversation went on for mum's friend never lived with a cat before.

"Is this OK? Sometimes she just pounces on something that isn't even there and runs around. I don't know if that's normal."

Josie and I nodded as mum was telling us this. Puny human eyes miss so much. Belle, for that is the kitten's name, is probably playing tag with a former occupant of the house.

"And she chases her own tail."

Josie nodded. "Yes, absolutely normal and hours of simple fun." I looked at her. "No, not normal. That's your own tail, you freak!"

Anyway mum was quick to reassure her friend that Belle sounds like a very happy, healthy kitten and they are all set for lots of love and laughter in the coming years.

 

Being awesome via technology

January 6th 2016 10:23 pm
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Most evenings my mum has her laptop out (when Josie doesn't get to the lap first!) and she goes tap-tappety-tap. And sometimes she talks to it. Mostly "Ah! That is so cute" as she watches videos.

Yesterday she was talking a whole lot more so I went to investigate. She raised a hand in a futile gesture to ward me off but I was a cat on a mission.

"Incoming cat," she said, as I walked across the keyboard. And amazingly there was a mini-me in a little screen at the bottom. Mostly the screen was showing mum's friend Vicky. Vicky lives in a place which is called Dubai which is a very long way away but thanks to technology they could talk face to face.

Mum twisted the laptop round so I could see properly and Vicky twisted hers round so I could see her cat. Wow! It was hard to believe he was so far away. There we were, looking at one another.

He was, not surprisingly, intimidated by my brilliance and trotted off. We got Vicky's face back. Moments later there was a loud crash - we heard it all the way from Dubai.

"Don't worry, just the cat knocking things over," Vicky told us.

He must have been frustrated that he wasn't as amazing as me and taking it out on the furniture. I'm pretty sure that's what happened. (Mum's not so sure but what does she know?!)

 

Proud of Josie

January 5th 2016 10:20 pm
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And I don't often say that.

My mum was reading a magazine yesterday evening, rested on the arm of the sofa.

So Josie sat on it.

Mum looked at her. "You have your snuggle rug; you have your beany tray; you have the pouffe by the radiator; you have not one but two cat beds that you like; you have the other arm and the back of this sofa - and of all those entire options this is your choice? The only one place in the entire flat I don't want you to be."

Josie purred gently. Mum had grasped the situation perfectly.

Mum sighed and started stroking Josie. Josie purred some more.

When Josie left she was careful to kick the magazine onto the floor just to show it who was boss. Sometimes Josie gets it spot on right.

 

I bit my mum

January 4th 2016 10:43 pm
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And I'm not sorry. It was her fault.

I had a busy day yesterday, sleeping, snoozing and catching up on those all important naps. Mum came home, gave us our supper and then made her own while I went on patrol.

I came back in and was ready to love her so we sat down. She scritched my head and stroked my back and then I lay down so she could rub my tummy but then I heard the dreaded sound.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. The kitchen timer. This cannot be ignored. Apparently. Things will burn or boil dry or some such nonsense and nothing should be more important than my tummy rubs so I didn't even give her time to go. I grabbed her hand and bit her.

It did not go down well. Luckily I have a forgiving nature and I have let her pet me since.

 

A new neighbour

January 3rd 2016 10:24 pm
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On Saturday morning I was helping my mum with her resolutions - I have LOTS of suggestions of how she can improve - when there was a knock on the door.

Paul and Charyl - they have a new kitten. Would my mum like to go and meet him?

Naturally she said, "No thank you, I have two cats of my own to admire."

Did she heck?! That's what she should have said. Actually I have rarely seen her move so fast and off she went.

We got a full report. His name is Maurice and he's very fluffy with big paws so the reckoning is he'll be a large cat. He's very dark, not quite black but almost and he's getting on very well with the other cats there. He came from Wood Green Animal Shelter and they loved him the minute they saw his picture.

And mum kept going on - he's so cute; he's so gorgeous; he's so.... We get the message! We're all these things and so much more! He's not allowed outdoors yet. I hope he doesn't start thinking he can come in our flat when summertime comes like Jasper does.

 
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