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Toby's Diary

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I am a neglected cat

June 12th 2014 10:36 pm
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Mum laughed when I said to type that and says she is a neglected people but she isn't because Josie keeps her company.

I'll explain why I feel neglected.

We are in-at-night cats. I don't remember agreeing to that but that is how it is. We have one last meal before we go to sleep and last night I was really really hungry when mum was dishing it up. And then I remembered why - I had no breakfast and I had no supper. How cruel is that?!

Mum said, "But you went dashing out in the morning before I could feed you and you went dashing out when I came home from work. You weren't there for your meal-times."

I remember now. There was a unicorn, a griffin and a couple of dragons to sort out. No wonder I wasn't hungry.

"What if I fade away into nothing?" I enquired. Then she would find out about all the dragons.

"You have biscuits," she said.

"I like biscuits."

So there we have it. Some things are more exciting than food. (Mum sighed and said she wishes she felt the same way!!)


I LOVE summer

June 11th 2014 10:46 pm
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As soon as my mum gets up I am outdoors, enjoying the warm. I pop back for snacks and the odd chat with my mum but mostly I am out.

Mum was grumbling, "How do I know what to say in your diary when I never know what you are up to these days?"

I looked at her. "You have no idea at all?" I sometimes see her watching me but turns out mostly, no, she has no idea.

So I told her. Yesterday I saw off six large, scaley, fire-breathing dragons that wanted to eat her. I hissed back and used swipes of my paw, all claws extended, and they were gone. The day before that it was an enormous green ogre, dripping slime as he walked. He took a little more cunning but I ran rings round him until over he toppled. And of course there was the snake-headed gorgon that...

"Are you absolutely certain?" Mum had that look. "Only Enfield isn't noted for its mythical beasts."

"Yes I am sure." Of course I am. You see what I have to put up with, no gratitude at all. Anyway I have to go. There's a unicorn at the window trying to get my attention. Toby to the rescue again no doubt!


How we are

June 10th 2014 10:32 pm
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Yesterday was all hot and sunny so when mum came home from work she opened all the doors and windows to cool the flat down. We like doors and windows all open so we can come and go as we please.

Thing is, when you see a cat shaped shape making its way around the curtains from the garden you can't always be sure it's your sisfur. It's best to attack first and ask questions later.

"It's always Josie," said my mum as Josie fought back from my well-timed pounce. But one day it might not be and then how foolish would we feel?!

Josie does the same thing to me. Mum asked if we don't use our excellent scent-detecting abilities or equisite hearing to know it is a family member coming in but it's much more fun our way!!



June 9th 2014 10:33 pm
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Mum was looking at me yesterday and I was looking at her - why was she standing in the kitchen looking at me and not feeding me? Then she slowly blinked.

I kept looking and she said, "Well - that didn't work!"

Turns out the cat programme had said that us cats like a slow blink as it's less threatening than a stare.

Josie wandered in so mum looked at her and blinked again. Now Josie prides herself on her good manners and blinked back.

"Wow" said my mum, and blinked again.

Josie blinked back. And on this went.

"How do we stop this?" asked my mum, after about the eighth time.

"I don't know. You started it," I replied. Awkward!!

If mum hadn't had to go out to her dance class I think they might be standing there still, blinking at each other.


A gift for Josie

June 8th 2014 10:39 pm
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My mum bought Josie a marvellous thing which is called a mattress topper. She said it wasn't for Josie but for her own comfort but who spends the most time on that bed? I rest my case.

Mum got it out of the bag and spread it over the mattress and Josie jumped right up to see how it would feel. Judgement was swift. She rolled on her side and wiggled with an appreciative purr.

"That good huh Josie?" asked my mum but Josie was lost in ecstasy. Mum then tried to put the sheet over it but Josie wouldn't move. I've walked on it and didn't feel like Josie did. I still prefer my armchair but my mum is pretty happy with it too.

It was a sunny warm weekend so I spent most of it outdoors hunting. My mum thinks it's funny to pretend not to recognise me when I come in. It's not. Josie spent most of the weekend enjoying the topper. There's no risk of mum not recognising her!!


Sometimes a cat's gotta..

June 5th 2014 11:13 pm
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Bounce!! You just feel so good to be alive that all that energy just doesn't feel like it fits in your body.

Josie got the bouncy bug this morning. About half-three as it happens.

When this happens she can leap so high she looks like she's flying, over mum's bed and onto mum, and off again - wow!! It was fabulous to watch.

Mum didn't actually get to watch it of course. She had a more participative part in this whole celebration of life.

She didn't look as pleased as you might think.

She sat up blearily and said, "You used to be so sweet, what happened?" but I don't think Josie heard her as she was off.

Mum reckons there are people who shut their cats out at night so they can get a good night's sleep but I'm pretty sure she would miss us too much if she did that so we're safe. I hope.


People ears

June 4th 2014 10:50 pm
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Another thing we learnt from the programme is that my mum has muscles in her ears. She never so much as twitches them so we did not know that. But obviously her ears are rubbish compared to ours - and last night she proved it. We weren't there but she told us.

We were actually out, Josie and I, hunting, when Josie had enough and went to go in.

My mum was in the sitting room and her version is that she heard a kerflump at the cat flap and then subdued squeaks. Oh no! she thought, what have they brought this time?

In mum's version she gets up immediately to see but I imagine there was a lot more dithering and steeling of core - she's peculier around prey.

Anyway off she went - eventually - to find the source of the squeaks. And there she was.

For it was Josie. She's not keen on the door, had one attempt and decided it would be easier to summon mum and be let in. Pads on the glass sliding makes an interesting squeak and sure enough - to Josie's delight- mum appeared and opened the door for her.

Now no cat would mistake what was obviously a feline-generated attention catching noise to the squeak of a catch. People ears aren't good.

Talking of things to catch I haven't actually caught anything in a couple of weeks now. Must try harder!!

And a couple of updates - Alfie and Ricky are getting along better these days and sharing beds to sleep on if not much more as yet but that is much better than was so there mum is very hopeful they'll be mates eventually.

And Matt came 11th out of 20 in his Strong Man competition which he was happy with as he hasn't been doing those events that long. He even came third in one event.


Cats on the TV

June 3rd 2014 10:42 pm
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I was out last night but had to come running in when the heavens opened. I do not care to be wet.

I found mum on the sofa with Josie by her side, both transfixed by the TV. A little tiny kitten was mewing. Mum was saying "Ahhhhh! She is the cutest thing," I caught her eye. "After you two of course" she quickly added.

They were watching a programme called "The Secret Life of Cats". I caught Josie's eye nervously but she gave a little shake of her head. Josie had been watching intently in case they gave away the important secrets - how we train people, how we know exactly where to be to maximise attention etc, all not in there thank goodness.

What we learned was good stuff. When our people stroke us they get a burst of happy hormone and lower their blood pressure and heart rate. They are a third less likely to get heart disease than non cat people.

Now my mum will realise that when I'm chivvying her for tummy rubs it is not a selfish desire for that delicious sensation but an entirely altruistic concern for her health.

And there are colours - called red and green - that we don't see but as we get by perfectly well without them they can't be that important. Whereas people can't see ultraviolet that stands out for us clear as day. Most peculier - they must feel all deprived not to see what we see.

We all enjoyed that programme. They should show it every night!


Mum attacked Josie

June 2nd 2014 10:34 pm
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It was brilliant. I haven't laughed so much in ages!!

It was last night. I was sitting next to my mum on the bedside table while she sat up in bed and read me my bedtime story. It was pretty exciting and I didn't want her to stop but she put down the book, said it was now sleepy time, kissed me goodnight and turned off the light.

She then stretched herself out in the bed all relaxedy but there was an unexpected flurry of tortie fur.

"What was that?" exclaimed my mum.

"A polite excuse me would have sufficed," huffed Josie.

For she had also been enjoying the story, curled up further down the bed. She had heard the sleepy time instruction and nestled herself down only to find herself turfed off the bed by mum's massive people foots suddenly pushing from under the duvet.

She is still sulking this morning and didn't come out for her breakfast. I'm going to hang around as if mum feels guilty enough there'll be a tasty morsel produced and Josie likes to share. Or I like to share Josie's stuff which amounts to the same thing.


We had visitors

June 1st 2014 10:41 pm
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We know when people are coming to stay as mum clears everything out of the spare room and Josie helped mum make up the bed. Oh - mum says chasing your own tail while someone tries to make up a bed around you isn't helping. Josie tried to look contrite but couldn't quite suppress her glee. She did have a marvellous time.

The guests arrived on Saturday night. It was one of mum's old college friend's son and husband. The son, Matt, was competing in a Strong Man competition locally on Sunday. They wanted him to get a good night's sleep before.

People who do Strong Man stuff are ...well... big. All those muscles. And fathers of people who do Strong Man stuff aren't small either. Our flat isn't so big and there was a lot of people getting in each other's way. I was glad to be small enough to slide round them all.

What I didn't like was Matt did sleep in the spare room and his dad on a mattress in the sitting room so all the doors were shut. Mum doesn't normally close doors much and I like to roam at will.

What I did like is that Matt may be able to lift cars and pull trucks but he can also give a friendly cat a pretty good head scritch!

Our flat is all back to normal now. I kept well out of the way while that restiration was going on but Josie helped, despite mum's ingratitude of before. She's very forgiving luckily for mum. And mum said "Helping isn't chasing...oh what's the use!!"

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