Toby's Diary

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Being the man of the house

June 6th 2013 10:37 pm
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Last night Josie and I were in the garden enjoying the sunshine when bad cat started yowling, something about grinding our bones to make him bread. We didn't need warning twice. We skedaddled back into the safety of our flat.

Josie scrambled to the back of the armchair so she had a good vantage point to see if he came and I ran right past her and mum.

Then a horrible feeling gripped me as I realised. Mum doesn't really understand cat speak apart from a few basic commands and she was sitting happily unaware of the dreadful peril we were all in. She hadn't closed the door. Any second now he might attempt to come in and attack.

Being the only male in our household I knew what I had to do. I walked back to the open door and sat there. If he wanted to get mum or Josie he would have to get past me first.

He must have known I meant business as he didn't come but it was a relief when about half an hour later mum closed the door and I could leave my post.

She looked down at me, "Toby - I hadn't realised you were there. Were you guarding the doorway?"


She picked me up and gave me a big hug.

"That is so sweet."

"Sweet? I think you meant to say 'My hero'"

"That too."

I got a scritch under the chin and my choice of kitty treats and I would do it again. Someone's got to keep us all safe.


Scaring Josie

June 5th 2013 10:39 pm
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Mum had been right about the sun coming back. As soon as she was home the doors were open and I was out looking for my new pet - or anything else I could bring home. I found a particularly interesting twig, all knobbly bits and easy to carry and surely she couldn't object to that? I brought it in and dropped it near the door then off out again for more adventuring.

Now Josie is not such an adventuresome cat as me. She will come outdoors but mostly when she wants a little grass to much for her tummy and mostly when I'm out there or mum is so she has someone to scare off any dragons that pass by. So she had a little wander but then in she went.

We have a curtain across our doors. You can sort of see through it and you sort of can't. When we come in we have to scoot under it only one time I came in and it got stuck on my head. I didn't really notice and kept going.

Josie says she saw what looked like a gradually getting larger monster coming in. She was so frit that even when I emerged she wasn't sure it was me. Not only did her fur get big but she stood on her back legs and walked sideways at me. Most peculier behaviour.

I ignored her and mum told her it was just Toby.

"Just Toby!? There's no 'just' about me. Did you not see I am once again a Diary Pick? And was I not right to bring in the slug as people liked that story?"

Josie calmed down. She said that attitude had to be the real me. Mum said no more slugs, diary pick or no diary pick and she even threw my twig out.

You see what I have to live with!!


My pet slug

June 4th 2013 10:36 pm
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After all - why should mums get all the pets? Mum says she loves having us in her life, to care for and enjoy being with, and I wanted that too.

It was a beautiful day yesterday and as soon as mum came home from work and opened the doors I was outside, checking my garden, chasing birds and watching the bugs and then I saw him. He was only a tiny little baby slug. I was sure mum wouldn't mind.

"Jump on my fur little one", I said and he did and we went indoors. I think baby slugs are like kittens and probably need a lot of sleep so I ran through to the bedroom and deposited him gently on the bed. He looked so sweet against the white sheets. "Sleep well, " I called. "I'll be back at bedtime." And out I went again, not wanting to miss a moment of the lovely evening.

I'll admit I had pretty much forgotten him when mum called me in for bedtime. She brushed her teeth, pulled on her pyjamas and went to snuggle in to bed and then..."yeuch! What is that?"

I hurried over for a look.

"That's my slug."

"In my bed?"

"As you see."

"He'll have to go."

My mum is so mean. Out went my slug, no pet for me....for now!

It's cloudy today so less outdoors time but mum says the sun is coming back later. Hooray!


Post for us

June 3rd 2013 10:36 pm
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Mum came home yesterday and picked up the post.

"One from the bank. Hm. One from the British Psychological Society."

"At last," I exclaimed. "They've found out about you and you're going to get some proper treatment."

"Toby - I am fine. It's the renewal of my registration," she told me.

"They have a Crazy Cat Lady Register?" I considered this one. "That's a good idea actually so cats know where to go."

"No it's not that. It's to show I am a fit and proper person to do recruitment testing," was her theory

"What sort of things do you test?"

"Depends on the job - it's about what they can do and maybe about their personality to see if it fits."

This struck me as an excellent idea.

"I think you should do tests so we can decide if you are the best mum for us. A speed test on opening and serving of dinner, a creative challenge on making up new games for us and a practical on scritching technique." It's a winner.

Mum looked at me with that expression when she thinks I have overstepped the mark.

"The last bit of post is for you and Josie. If you aren't nicer to me I'll give it to Josie."

"Is it from the vet?" I wasn't going to get caught out by that one.

"No. It's from Go Cat who make some of your favourite biscuits."

"Then I'm sorry, you are the best mum and please can I have my post now?"

Mum called Josie to share and opened the package. Inside was a little bag of a new type of biscuit for us to approve. She poured some out in a bowl for each of us. Verdict - Josie loved them and finished hers all up. I liked them although I did go and have some of my old biscuits half way through to compare. Having said that mum left the open bag on the side and I did hop up later to finish them off. Mum caught me there but she let us have the rest in our bowls and there wasn't a single biscuit left after a while.

"Yes," I declared. "Tell them to send more."

"I rather think they hope I'll go to the hsop and buy you more," said my mum. And I expect she will!


Stressful events

June 2nd 2013 10:32 pm
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Mum was doing the housework and had the back door open. Josie and I don't really hold with housework anyway. We work hard to make our home a lovely one - our aim is that every hard surface should be beautifully decorated with paw prints and every soft surface should have a gentle dusting of soft cat hair. Housework seems to undo all our good work and don't get me started on the hoover.

But she seems to like doing it so we let her and just gradually put everything right through the week.

Anyway that's what she was up to, pottering in and out and I was on my bed enjoying the summer air when I saw him. That bad cat that's been hanging around. But not in my garden, oh no! He was trying to creep in through the open door and come in my home.

I growled my fiercest growl and popped my fur up so I looked at least twice as large and I was pretty fearsome I can tell you. Mum came to see what I was growling at and seeing me so big gave her courage as she ran to the bad cat and shouted at him to go away and I joined in and he was scared and ran. I can't believe he thought he would get away with coming in my home.

The other stressful thing is that mum threw my Cube away. I love that Cube. Mum said she had to - I've pounced on it at every angle and rolled it and skidded it along the carpet and the frame is coming to bits. She tried to fix it but metal ends were poking out and she was worried I would stab myself. She must think I am very foolish but it is true that I do get carried away sometimes when I am chasing Da Bird and don't always look where I'll land.

I've been promised a new one.

Other than that we did sleeping and we did playing and mum and I were in the garden and it was a pretty top weekend.


Importance of snuggles

May 30th 2013 10:21 pm
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Every morning, after patrol in the garden - it's snuggle time. I come in and find my mum eating her breakfast. I sit next to her and purr Then I give her kitty kisses, then I lie down and she rubs my tummy. That's what we do every morning.

Yesterday I came in from patrol and she was walking about.

"OK. I'm ready," I told her. "It's snuggle time."

She was in the kitchen making her packed lunch and then in the bathroom brushing her teeth and I followed her everywhere reminding her.

"What is it Toby? You have food, you've been out. What do you want?"

"Which part of meow aren't you getting? It's snuggle time."

Off to the bedroom to finish getting dressed. I kept following and calling.

"What is it Toby?"

Then the penny dropped.

Turns out I had been longer outdoors than I had realised but snuggles still matter. Mum went in the sitting room and sat down and I jumped up next to her. Kitty kisses, nose to nose.

"Why do you need those?" she asked.

"In case you meet other cats in the day. I want them to know you're already owned."

Then on my side, rub that tummy.

"Why do you need that?"

"I like it" She asks some foolish questions! It wasn't as much snuggle time as usual but we've both learned a valuable lesson. I had my snuggles before going out this morning and mum learnt not to attempt to skip an important part of my routine.


Freaking my mum out

May 29th 2013 10:38 pm
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This works best if you have a willing co-conspirator like Josie was mine. Quiet evening, both cats snoozing on different chairs, mum reading.

On my cue Josie and I both stared at mum. We had practised all day and I'm proud to say we did it pretty well. An intense stare as if neither of us had ever seen her before and wondered what she was doing in our home.

Mum looked up from her book and smiled, "Love you" she called. Back to her book. Then a moment later she looked up again.

We were still staring.

Back to her book, sneaky peek up - two sets of cats' eyes boring into her.

Nervous laugh, "Ok, stop that now. You know what I look like" She lobbed the remote across the sofa to make us look away. We did - and then right back.

"Knock it off guys"

In the end she had to go and make herself some tea to soothe her nerves. Josie and I laughed and laughed. She is so easy to tease. When she came back in the room we were once more curled up, snoozing. Mutters of "you're weird" but she has forgiven us. Of course.

It's still raining here. I quite like to go out in it, get really wet and then leave patterns of my paws everywhere inside.

Josie doesn't like any aspect of it apart from having a dry home to live in.


Noises in the night

May 28th 2013 10:39 pm
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It was about 4am when there was a strange noise. It woke us all up but we didn't have time to find out what it was before it stopped. But now we were all wide awake.

"Maybe it was my tummy rumbling," I suggested. "Maybe you should give us breakfast."

"You would only want another one at 6," said my mum. "Go back to sleep."

But the thought of food was making me twitchy so I went and had some biscuits.

"Do you have to crunch so loudly?" called my mum.

I did. But when I was full I went back to bed and settled down to sleep snuggled with my mum - where Josie likes to go.

This did not please her.

She sat on the bedside table looking at us. Then she expressed her displeasure in time honoured cat fashion - by knocking things off the bedside table one by one. Down they went, thud they landed.

"Josie! Knock it off!" said my mum, she sounded a bit grumpy.

Josie sighed. She did stop. There wasn't much left to knock anyway. She had been saving the glass of water for her grand finale but all that had been thirsty work so in went her head. Except selfishly mum had drunk most of the water. The only way for Josie to drink was dip paw in, shake off the excess water, lick paw.

This was quieter than the throwing things but turns out mum doesn't like having water sprinkled on her either. She is so very fussy.

Eventually we all got back to sleep but mum is still grumpy this morning. We've both given her encouraging head rubs and hope she is nicer soon.


Wanting to Prowl

May 27th 2013 10:35 pm
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We had a happy sunny day yesterday - although I will warn you, no matter how much my mum begs and pleads, never take her bird-hunting with you. She is hopeless at it.

A big, fat pigeon was on our lawn and Josie and I were both stealthily creeping towards it and my mum leapt up and tried to join in. We were both crouched low and moving so smoothly you could hardly see us, she just lunged towards the bird all excited and shouting and off it flew.

So we still haven't actually caught a bird but one day we will.

Anyway evening came and then bedtime but I was ready for more adventure. Mum had locked our door and I know from experience I can't push it open but would some nifty claw work do it? I tried hooking a claw under and tugging.

Mum came to see what I was doing and told me that it wouldn't work. I tried for a while and she was right. I could not get that door open. This made me grumpy so I went off to sulk. Josie and mum had gone to bed and usually I go and chat to mum before we all sleep but I was cross. Then I heard my mum call me. I ignored her.

Then she got up and went to the kitchen. The joy of being a black cat after dark is I am pretty much invisible so I watched.

"He didn't get it open, did he?" Mum was tapping the door. Hee Hee! This was almost as good as having got out. In the end she came and looked all round for me and turned lights on which is cheating but she did seem happy to see me.

Today our sun is all gone - hopefully off to my mate Ka-zar as he asked for it. It's raining. I'm going out anyway to see if I can find any frogs. Josie says she's going to spend the whole day in bed.


Happy Sunny Days

May 26th 2013 10:48 pm
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At long last I think summer is here. I have been outside as much as I can be and then inside on my bed, soaking up the warm. I think the sun loves cats and gives us special strokes. You can't feel them outside but inside you feel all snuggled like when your mum strokes you.

Mum did feed next door's cats. I had planned to go with her and see what a whole sachet of food looks like but then I remembered. Smudge. We haven't always seen eye to eye and he's a big boy. I would stay home.

Mum reckons Smudge is a sweetiepie now he has a loving home and has had his op but better safe than sorry I reckon. Mum says Smudge is still a bit wary of her remembering her chasing him off when he attacked us in his bad old days.

She came back carrying a broken cats' dinner bowl.

"Are they Greek cats now?" I enquired.

"What?" She looked bemused.

"You know - Greek. Finish the meal and smash the plate. Or have you been trying to juggle again? Or did Smudge get mean and you had to throw something, the only thing you had to hand? I don't think they wanted you to go over and start smashing the place up."

Mum looked at the bowl and explained. There is a counter running down the length of their kitchen and when she arrived Nipper, their oldest boy, was sitting on it, anxiously looking to see when his supper would arrive. Whst she failed to notice was that he had a china bowl with him. In his efforts to get every last trace of food out of the bowl he had pushed it right up against the door so when mum opened it - crash, down it fell, onto the stone step outside.

She brought it back to dispose of it safely and the next day bought them a new one.

They are home now and said mum shouldn't have but she couldn't help feeling responsible.

Today is a Bank Holiday so no work for my mum. Hoorah! And it's sunny again so I'm off out to enjoy that.

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