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Toby's Diary

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Spring cleaning

March 30th 2014 10:42 pm
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If your mum gets up and says it's a lovely day and time for Spring cleaning don't be fooled. Tell her you're busy - maybe some naps to catch up on or some particualrly cheeky spiders need chasing. It sounds like fun, everyone likes to spring, but it isn't.

Mostly it involves removing paw print features that have been months in the construction, wiping down things so they don't smell nicely of you any more but smell of cleany of stuff and removing your favourite dust bunnies that had sat peacefully in corners not bothering anybody.

Josie and I spent the day avoiding mum so we didn't have to help. Luckily it was sunny outside so we were happy there.

Then Josie had to get her revenge and did her most impressive barf - sitting on mum's laptop, leaning over - she got some on the laptop, and some down the wall over an electric socket. Mum reckons the chest of drawers one was still worse - she is very careful about closing drawers now - but it was pretty good all the same.

Mum's pretty pleased with her work but don't worry - we'll fix it.

I did remember to wake mum an hour early today which was thoughtful of me. Mum said she had remembered to change the clocks and this was an hour before an hour early so please to leave her be. There is no pleasing some people.

 

My tummy

March 27th 2014 11:49 pm
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Everything about a cat is perfection. Our delicate velvet noses, our exquisitely formed pointy ears, our expressive tails, everything and our soft, fuzzy tummies. And what my soft, fuzzy tummy needs every day is plenty of stokes.

I gather not all cats like that. Josie says she doesn't. Mum said that when I was tiny she rubbed my tummy a lot so I would come to like it as she loves to touch a cat's tummy (but of course she does) but she never realised how demanding I would become on the subject.

I don't call it demanding, merely asking.

And yesterday I had to do a lot of asking. My mum was in a flibber as she had to go into central London for one of her training things and there were "severe delays" on her tube line so she was rushing about and said she had no time for tummy rubs.

I even jumped up at her and padded her shoulder with my paws to show her how it should be done but no joy. I am now owed fifteen minutes of tummy rubs!!

She'll make it up to me over the weekend. Talking of which our clocks spring forward so she'll have to get up early. Josie and I have been waking her early so she can get used to this but she isn't as appreciative as you would expect.

 

The fox

March 25th 2014 11:53 pm
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We were sitting innocently watching my mum pootle around and get ready for work yesterday when she said, "That's a big cat in the garden."

We all looked and then she said, "That's no cat" and it wasn't. It was a fox, brazen as anything sniffing at our window. Mum walked up to the window and foxz and mum looked at each other. She must have had her fierce face as he trotted away.

If you've not seen a fox close up then they are about ten feet tall with enormous bushy tails and sharp teeth. If you have then you'll know how scary they are.

To everyone's astonishment after he had gone Josie went out to have a sniff and she came back in saying it did not smell good. I have not been out since. No sense in taking unnecessary risks!!

 

A naughty ghost attacked my mum

March 24th 2014 11:50 pm
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I didn't see this, I only heard about it. I was nowhere near the scene at the time, nowhere near at all.

Mum was on the sofa watching TV when she felt something grab her elbow, something sharp. She looked down but could see nothing. Most odd. Maybe she had imagined it. She heard a little chuckle, then her elbow grabbed again and a distinct bite but there was nothing to see.

Moments later I appeared.

"What's up?" I asked, seeing mum rub her elbow. She gave me a grumpy look. "I think you have some explaining to do, young man," she said.

"Did you actually see a cat bite you?" I asked. She had to admit that she hadn't. "So it must have been a ghost," I said, "I'm sorry I missed that."

Hee Hee! Did you guess? It was me all along. I had squiggled myself under the throw so every last bit of fur was concealed and attacked mum's elbow from under my cloak of invisibility.

This was too good a jape to keep to myself so I woke her up bright and early this morning. She reckons she knew all along but I don't see how she could have. I love being a cat!!

 

The sky threw stones at us

March 23rd 2014 11:37 pm
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Josie and I were innocently enjoying ourselves pootling about in the garden when...ouch..ouch...and ouchier. The sky was pelting us, not with rain which is bad enough, but with stones.

We both ran as fast as we could to the door. I reached it first and was frantically scrabbling to be let in while Josie muttered behind me.

Luckily mum came fast and she looked out. "Gosh," she said. Gosh indeed!
Then "That's big hail-stones," she said.

"What's hail-stones?" I asked, watching them fly down in the garden from the safety of the back of my armchair.

"Ice," said my mum and sure enough as fast as they landed they melted.

The only ice I like is ice cream and I'm not allowed that as my tummy doesn't like it as much as my mouth does. If they sky threw ice cream down that would be great but ice, that's no use to anyone.

Luckily it didn't last long and the sun came back. I hope it never hails again.

 

What's in the box?

March 20th 2014 11:39 pm
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On Wednesday as well as all her rushing around my mum brought home a box from work. This box had a lid on so we couldn't see inside but we had a good sniff.

"Don't worry," said my mum, "it's empty. I'm going to put all the stray cables in it."

While she was at work yesterday we started to get curious. Was it really empty? Could a cat be hiding in there? Or food, maybe mum had filled it with treats while we weren't looking.

There is nothing that can come between a couple of persistent cats and their goal. It took us a while, we had to knock the box on its side and tug and pull and twist and the box ended up half-way across the room but we got that lid off.

Josie jumped in straight away. "It's not empty," she reported. "It's full of space."

I laughed, "and now it's full of cat." We had a lot of fun with that box and decorated it with our claw and teeth marks so it would be fully ours.

When mum came home she scooped it up and put the lid back on. "Can't you two leave anything alone?" she asked. That is good as it means we get to open it and drag it round again while mum is at work today. Mum said we're breaking it and she'll have to bring home another. This box is the gift that keeps on giving!

 

Weak-willed Josie

March 19th 2014 11:47 pm
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When mum came home yesterday from work she didn't hang her coat up like normal. She threw it on a chair, gave us our supper and said, "I'm not home for long. I'm out for a meal tonight."

This did not please us. She never brings us back anything and she should really stay home and scritch our heads and entertain us, that's what she should do. So Josie had a bright idea. She jumped up on to mum's coat and made herself all snuggly and comfy. Everyone knows you can't move a sleeping cat and without her coat mum would have to stay home. Nice one Josie!

So mum's time to leave came and she looked at Josie and Josie did an excellent little snuggle and contented sigh like she was the most contented cat in Contented City and mum still looked at her and the coat lying beneath Josie and you could feel the thinking. Human versus cat, who would win?

Then mum cheated. The treats drawer. Obviously I went straight away for mine as soon as I heard that enticing slidey sound and the rustle of bag but I wasn't the one on the coat.

"Hold firm," I called to Josie. Or would have done if I hadn't been cruching down cheese and chicken pockets.

"Woudl you like some?" called my mum. "They're your favourite," and she scrinkled the bag.

Weak-willed Josie hardly even put up a fight and over she came for her treats. A handful each and mum grabbed her coat and was off.

We need a new plan!

 

Letters for me

March 18th 2014 11:43 pm
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Most days the postie pushes bits of paper through our door and there they stay until mum comes home and mostly she picks them up and sighs but yesterday there was something arrived that caught our eye.

Josie can't read so well but some things she can recognise.

"That's a picture of a cat on that package," she said, "Read it to me Toby, what does it say?"

I can read very well of course but I didn't want to spoil the surprise so I said we would leave it until mum came home.

Mum smiled when she saw it. "It's a free sample of new cat biscuits." I jumped up to my biscuit bowl expectantly. I knew that was what it was of course.

"We'll finish the box you have and then try them," mum said. That wasn't my plan.

Then she opened her other letters. "Hm. Council tax bill. And - oh Toby - this is for you too."

She waved the paper at me.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, it's a cheque."

I sniffed it. "Still not getting you."

"Remember I had all that trouble with the car insurers last year?"

Not really but I nodded to get on to the part about me.

"They've sent me £75 to say sorry and £75 is more or less the cost of a microchip cat flap so that's what we're getting with this."

I considered this. "What's one of them?"

"You'll be able to come in and out even without a collar on. You'll love it."

This is indeed good news but we don't get it today apparently. Mum has to take the cheque to the bank and she isn't sure when she'll do that. But do it she will and I'll have a new cat flap and no more getting mum out of the shower to come home. I don't know which of us is more pleased.

 

Who barfs best?

March 17th 2014 11:33 pm
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We have enjoyed eating the grass, it's chewy and tasty. Then it makes our tummies feel funny than ack,ack,ack - out it comes and we feel really good. Then there's the entertainment value of watching mum say "yeuch" and clean it up.

So who could find the best spot? We both think we won this particular contest.

Josie barfed over a pack of playing cards. She got enough that they had to be thrown away. That is pretty good but me, I ran to the back of the sofa and managed to get four different cushions so although there was no total destruction of anything it was quite a bit for mum to clean up.

Mum says couldn't we stay out with the grass but where would the fun be in that?

 

Being brave cats

March 16th 2014 11:45 pm
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Summer came back at the weekend and Josie and I were looking forward to a repeat of last weekend - bug hunting, sunbathing, generally being happy cats all round.

But then my mum started moving things out of the kitchen again. I hope this isn't her new hobby. I preferred the card-making.

Then that man came again and he lined the whole kitchen in plastic sheeting. Josie and I ran for safety under mum's bed. What if he decided to wrap us in plastic too? We were pretty sure we wouldn't like that.

We cowered listening out and heard odd noises - but not bangs. Hm. Then Josie said, "I wonder if mum is OK" and we thought maybe she wasn't and maybe was as worried about being wrapped in plastic as we were. So we crept out and found her. She was sitting in her armchair so we went to sit on the back of it to guard her. No-one wraps my mum in plastic!

Mum looked at the two of us and said, "Ahh - you're in exactly the same position side by side. You look so cute. I'm going to get my camera."

Cute? Cute! How about brave and caring? Cute, my paw. And no, no photos so by the time my mum came back I had moved.

Anyway the good news is that no-one got wrapped in plastic and the man did leave after a few hours. Our kitchen ceiling is all white and we have a new light fitting.

We didn't mind the old one but mum seems happy that all the damage is fixed now.

So we spent the rest of the weekend doing happy sunny things. I love Spring.

 
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