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Toby's Diary

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My neglectful mum

August 5th 2014 10:43 pm
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"What do you mean you didn't do my blog yesterday?" I swished my tail to let her know I was serious.

"You just went straight out and I didn't know what you wanted to say," she said.

And another thing - she had stroked me and watched the haze of fur, softly drifting off my back onto the floor in a little cloud. "You need a brush, young man," she had said.

I do like a brush so later I went up to her, "Ready for my brush."

"But I'm trying to sleep." All I ever hear are excuses.

Apparently she had been on standby all evening, brush poised, but evening is hunting time and she knows that. I was out until the last possible minute, coming in when it was bedtime and now here I was, all ready for a thorough brush, and she wanted to sleep.

Anyway it's morning again so I am off out, all ungroomed. Mum says if I would just stay inside for five minutes she would have things to blog about and would brush me - but those birdies won't chase themselves, you know.


The Mockturtle

August 3rd 2014 10:39 pm
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Mum was bad at the weekend and kept going out. She shouldn't do that. She should be here to open doors and kitty food and give us head rubs.

On Saturday she was having lunch with her friend Rebecca. Rebecca is also lucky enough to live with a black cat which is called The Mockturtle.

Rebecca was telling my mum that The Mockturtle will walk in a room, look all round and then sigh heavily and mutter to himself about how unsatisfactory it all is.

"Rebecca needs to fix it then so it is right," I said. Do I have to explain everything?!

Mum pointed out that whilst many cats don't get a choice in where they live The Mockturtle had just walked through the cat flap one day and never left (they did check for a chip and missing cat posters but never found anyone looking for him and he had clearly been homeless for some time) so it hardly behoved him to complain.

"Maybe he took pity on her as she needed a cat," that would be a kindly action on his part.

"She already had two - and another one's arrived since so they have sufficient cats," said my mum.

"I expect she needed a black one, and you already have one" I don't think I want any more cats.

But mum reassured me that's why we have a special door so cats can't just move in. That is a relief. If there's any complaining to do round here I'll do it!


A Cool Mat

July 31st 2014 10:41 pm
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I walked in the flat yesterday and nearly ooops.... a blue thing.

"Excuse me" I said politely, "I nearly stepped on your..." I sniffed it, "what is it?"

"That's actually for you," said my mum. "It's a cool mat. I've been worried about you and Josie in the heat but if you get too hot you can lie on it and it will cool you down."

Josie looked bewildered. "What is this thing you call 'too hot'?" she asked.

When my mum is tossing and turning and has kicked off everything and can't sleep Josie assumes that what mum needs is a warm furry body to nestle up to. Josie can never be too hot.

"I've seen Toby stretched out on the kitchen floor tiles to cool down," said my mum and it is true. I do do that. "It works like that only it isn't tiles. It's magic cool filling."

As you can imagine we're steering well clear of it.


Black Cats are the Best!!

July 30th 2014 10:39 pm
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Mum was reading the paper yesterday when a photo caught my eye - a handsome black cat.

"He's a splendid fellow," I commented. "Why is he in the newspaper? Something very brave and heroic no doubt."

Mum scanned the story. "It's saying that people don't want black cats because they don't photograph so well for web pages."

I was flabbergasted. Josie sniggered and licked one of her ginger patches.

"I think you photograph beautifully," said my mum hastily.

"You KNOW I photograph beautifully," I corrected her. "And, after all, I was pick of the litter for you."

There was an awkward silence.

"Actually you were the last one left," she finally said.

My mum is so silly. I was pick of the litter by Henry of all the kittens that he auditioned to mend mum's broken heart when he went to the Bridge. Of course I was the last one left - I was Reserved for her. And, though I say it myself, I did a pretty good job on the whole heart-mending thing.

But Catster is full of extremely photogenic cats of all colours including black and if people aren't choosing black cats they are missing out.


Josie - getting weirder

July 29th 2014 10:33 pm
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Where Josie is happiest sleeping at night is cuddled up with mum, under the duvet; invisible to any dragons that might fly past, soothed by the feeling of mum's breathing; feeling warmedly and loved. That's what she likes best - she wakes my mum to burrow her way in and my mum likes Josie cuddles too so it's all good.

Except at the moment mum doesn't have a duvet. She doesn't even have a sheet to sleep under so what's a cat to do? Well - Josie is a resourceful creature. If she can't bury her way under the duvet she'll bury her way under the pillow instead.

I know this because I saw her - and heard my mum saying "What are you doing, crazy cat?" then "How can I sleep with you pushing my pillow like that?" (but she wasn't sleeping much anyway so I think that one was unfair. Crazy cat was fair of course.)

Turns out under the pillow isn't a great place to sleep so Josie took one pillow for her bed and swished her tail in disapproval. Mum threatened to attach a fan to Josie's tail so at least the swishing could be usefully cooling mum down.

I am glad I have my own chair for night time sleeping and am well out of it.


Crunchy what?

July 28th 2014 10:40 pm
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One of the loveliest things is when your mum has your bowl in one hand, a box in the other and she says "I have a special treat for you."

That's what happened to me and Josie last night. I couldn't wait but it seemed to take forever for our bowls to be placed before our hungry mouths.

But what was this? I looked at Josie. She was looking at me with the same bewilderment I was feeling. I looked up at mum.

"Excuse me - there's stuff on our supper," I said.

"That's right. It's Crunchy Crumble topping especially made to delight you."

"Really?" I took another sniff. "I suppose I could work round it."

So I had to sort of eat sideways so as not to eat the little worm things. I ate a couple accidentally and they tasted Ok but why would any cat want their kitty food sprinkled with worms?

Mum should stick with what she knows we like but I think the kitty food manufacturers see her coming and say something is all new and delicious and bless her she buys it for us.


A happy, sunny weekend

July 27th 2014 10:36 pm
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It stayed all hot and sunny and I loved it. Although when I am snoozing and have my tummy toasting in the sunshine that is not an invitation for my mum to kiss my tummy as she seems to imagine.

I helped my mum in the garden - although one thing she did was weird. She crinkled egg shell and put it with the chilli plant. I'm pretty sure that's not how you grow eggs and so I told her.

"It's to discourage slugs. Dee told me to do it," she said.

"She was pulling your leg." A slug that cheerfully munches through a chilli pepper is hardly going to mind the odd bit of egg shell.

"I thought it worth a go. I don't want to use slug pellets in case a bird eats the slug and a cat eats the bird and gets poisoned."

"Eat a bird!? Opportunity would be a fine thing. Off you dash with them whenever I bring one near the flat."

"Kindly don't"

Actually I haven't been that succesful lately so I pretended it was out of consideration for my mum. It is cheating when the birds fly.


Mum should have knowed where I was

July 24th 2014 10:37 pm
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When my mum comes in the front door she calls out a cheery "Hello" so we know it's her and that's what she did yesterday. She is always extra cheery when she comes home from work.

Then I heard her say, "Hello Josie" as Josie went to greet her. Then a pause, then "Where's Toby?"

She looked in the sitting room but I wasn't there. She looked in the bedroom but I wasn't there. She looked in the kitchen but I didn't seem to be there either.

"Where is the boy?" I heard her mutter.

She must have knowed where I was, It was so obvious. I could hear cogs whirring and then, finally, "Oh!" and she found me.

Hot, sunny day - I wanted to be out, hunting. I didn't want to waste one single second inside, I was by our magic door, poised for mum to open it. She pulled the curtain back and saw me.

"Hello little one," she smiled.

"The door!" I reminded her. She opened it and I was gone in a flash.

"And good to see you too," I heard her say as I left.

I didn't really listen, oh sweet freedom!


Cats are great. Really.

July 23rd 2014 10:38 pm
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Yesterday mum was all grumpy on account of Josie waking her up and being too hot. Time for drastic action to make her smile again. It was hard but I did it - one bird, freshly caught, dropped at her feet.

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooo! Toby!!" she exclaimed. In delight I assume. She certainly vanished with it quick smart.

"Why do I have cats?" she asked. There are, of course, many excellent reasons she gets to have cats but I didn't like the way this was going. All day I pondered my plan. How to make sure she knows she loves us.

Bingo. I had it.

In the evening I waited until she was eating her supper and I went out and got in a fight. Big cat roars. Josie said it sort of worked. Mum put her tray on the floor and went running out.

"Where is he?" she asked, looking all round for the source of the yowls. She grabbed a chair and peered over the fence and looked down at Smudge.

"Is that you threatening my boy?" she asked but Smudge said firmly that no, it wasn't, so mum ran with her chair to the other fence and peered over. "Where is he?"

If she couldn't see me being all brave and heroic this wasn't really such a good plan. I leapt up on the fence so she would see my bushy fur and know I had been imperessive. She was gratifyingly pleased to see me and we went in.

The whole 'Cats are great and you love living with them' theme was then somewhat undermined by the fact Josie had seen the tray on the floor and was tucking in to mum's supper.

We need to work together on these things!!


Josie was naughty again

July 22nd 2014 10:43 pm
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Mum couldn't sleep last night. She rolled this way and that way, she squidged the pillows, she sighed, she put on pillow spray and cooling body spray and her fan, she muttered.

It was most inconsiderate, very hard for us cats to sleep through. Eventually, very eventually, there was sweet blissful silence.

"Is she asleep?" I called across to Josie from my chair.

Josie peered at mum's face. "Yes" she called back. Then there was a snigger. "Wasn't she funny?" Josie does a very good mum imitation. She rolled about on the mattress and she pawed at the pillows and she sighed and I laughed but then....

"What do you think you're doing?" came the voice.

Josie was so carried away with her own fun she didn't think her repsonse through but carried on thrashing her tail around and padding into the pillows. "I'm being you," she said.

"Do you know how long it took me to get to sleep?" asked my mum. Which was a foolish question as we knew exactly how long she had been keeping us awake for. Then mum sighed again, "You used to be so well-behaved." there was further argument about the desirability of a lively tortie amusing herself beside a tired human bean but exhaustion won the day and mum falled asleep, Josie curled up on mum's back and all was back to normal.

It's good entertainment for me when Josie unleashes her inner naughty tortie. Mum says it's sort of good that Josie must finally believe (after seven years) that this is her furever home however she behaves and partly bad as she did used to be so quiet and easy to live with. I say it's all good - except when Josie attacks me.

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