Toby's Diary

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Testing Mum

August 18th 2013 10:38 pm
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My mum was all happy on Friday. She said that her oldest nephew had his exam results and they were extremely very good.

"It's lucky they never made you take exams," I commented.

"They did. I've taken loads," she said, "and passed them before you say anything else."

I decided to test her with some basic maths.

"If you have two cats and eight treats, how many treats does each cat get?"

"Four," she said, with confidence. Mis-placed confidence.

"No. Toby gets six, Josie gets two and you open another bag. Let's try another. Toby has two six hour sleeps and two forty minute naps. He spends fifteen minutes eating, twenty minutes having his tummy rubbed and the rest of the time he is adventuring. Thinking of Toby's day, make a pie."

"Don't you mean a pie chart?" she asked.

"No, a pie. Any flavour, fish, chicken, you choose, surprise me," I replied.

I did not get my pie.

Her other happy was that they put a picture of her and her friends in the Borehamwood Times on account of the gardening she did. She thinks she is famous but that hardly compares to being an internationally famous Catster Diary Pick of many occasions! 3.Insurance_company_mucks_in_for_charity/

She's in the middle pretending to be in charge, all smiley because they hadn't actually done any work at that point.


A night time emergency

August 15th 2013 10:35 pm
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Mum was soundly asleep when I realised. I jumped up on the bed and tapped her face.

"Fnogglum," she muttered and rolled over.

This was a real emergency. I don't use violence lightly but it was time to unleash the claw. I tapped her face again, claws out. She opened her eyes and looked at me.


"We're having an emergency," I explained.

She looked bemused. "I don't think we are."

"A real one," I assured her. "You have to get up."

With persistence and gentle guidance I persuaded her to leave her bed and come into the kitchen.


She looked. Our biscuit bowl was EMPTY. Josie and I could have starved in the night.

"Aren't you glad I woke you now you know?" I asked.

Funny how her glad face looked so similar to her grumpy face right then.

Other than that it had been a good day. I had been practising my English accent for my appearances on Monster's show. Mum told me I don't have to practice it, it's something I just have but I was getting smooth at saying, "And now over to Monster for the headlines." And I was a Diary Pick again. Mum said she wished it had been a happier topic but I'm alright now and the sheets are all clean and dry so I don't know why she's worried.


My poorly tummy

August 14th 2013 10:44 pm
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I was out most of yesterday evening trying to see the meteor shower. My mum said I wouldn't be able to see it because it was still light but I'm not allowed out after it gets dark so I had to look then. I didn't see anything and came in.

I had some supper but something just didn't feel right. Normally I sleep on my chair but last night I snuggled close to my mum hoping that she would make me feel better. She kissed me good night and turned off the light and we settled to sleep.

But my tummy would not sleep. It rumbled and it grumbled until...oh no...oh no!

My mum woke up and turned the light on just in time to see everything bad that had been in my tummy coming out, all along the bed. Mum said, "oh dear" and started taking the sheets off the bed and then she looked at me, "Poor Toby" but I felt much better by then actually.

The sheets went in to soak and fresh ones on and I had a long drink of water and snuggled up with my mum again. She looked at me suspiciously.

"You're not going to be sick again, are you?"

"I hope not. I didn't like it the first time," I replied, which apparently wasn't as reassuring as she had hoped. But she let me stay and off we went to sleep.

I wasn't. I am feeling much betterer this morning and the sheets are in the machine. I had some breakfast. I am a little sleepy but that's more being up in the night I think. Mum says I seem Ok so no vet unless I keep doing it. I won't.


Bad Josie (again!)

August 13th 2013 10:33 pm
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Surely it's horse time now.

It was at sleepy time again. We had all had a happy evening playing in the garden and were ready to set off to see what dreams the night had in store for us. I was on my chair but Josie wanted some mum snuggle time.

One thing Josie likes is if my mum bends her arm on the pillow to make a circle. Josie then nestles herself in there all surrounded by mum and that makes her purr. And if she's feeling really mellow it makes her paddy-paw.

Usually her claws go in the pillow but she wanted mum to know just how happy she was feeling so she reached out a paw and a claw...

"Ow," said my mum with some force. "That's my nose."

I can see that having a claw in your nose wouldn't be very restful.

"I bet horses don't do that," I called.

"They have hooves and I think a hoof on your nose would be worse," said my mum. Josie had vanished to her own bed. She doesn't mean to hurt mum and was feeling bad.


Josie's wish

August 12th 2013 10:37 pm
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I was being a good boy last night, curled up on my chair sleeping and my mum was in her bed sleeping and Josie had gone off to her bed but not sleeping. She was wishing.

We were woken by the crumpety-crump, slither type noise.

"Try again," Josie was encouraging herself. "Nearly got it. Claw in, little tug."

My mum sat up and peered over the bed.

"What are you doing?" she asked. Not an unreasonable question.

Josie backed out from under the bed, dragging the distinctively shaped object that she had been manoevering out of its box.

"Your Christmas stocking?" said my mum looking at it.

"Yes," said Josie. "I want some toys and treats so I'm leaving it out for Sandy Claws."

"But Sandy Claws only comes on Christmas Eve," my mum reminded her. "You did try this one before. He's busy at the moment making all the toys."

Josie looked quite crestfallen.

"But I've been really really good," she said.

"You have," agreed my mum. "Mostly. But you do already have quite a lot of toys."

So my mum put the stocking back and we all went back to sleep. I am hoping that this is softening my mum's attitude about the whole horse thing. I bet they don't go rootling under people's beds looking for Christmas stockings when other people and cats are sleeping.

I think Josie was just jealous because I was a Diary Pick but I can't help it if the Catster Diary People like my diary. Thank you for all the kind messages from the cats that like my diary too.


August 11th 2013 10:39 pm
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Mum came home all tired from her day at the stables on Friday - but happy. She said everyone was very lovely and they got to pat the horses. They even got to give them treats.

"Not my little fish?" I said, with an anxious glance at the drawer where they live.

Mum laughed. "Horses don't like kitty treats. They had special horse ones, green with herbs that horses like in them."

That got me thinking.

"Do you think they would like to swap one of their horses for a cat? They could have Josie and I could have a flat-mate who doesn't eat my treats."

But mum said no. Apparently I haven't grasped just how much bigger horses are than cats and one wouldn't fit here.

"Besides they have a cat, a handsome black one," she said.

Ah yes, they would need a cat to organise everything I suppose.

"And," she added, "They aren't your treats. I buy them for you to share with Josie."

"I do always get mine first so they must be mine," I said.

"That's because otherwise Josie wouldn't be able to eat hers, you would steal them. She has better manners," said my mum but I don't think that's true.


Mum's odd day

August 8th 2013 10:31 pm
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She started getting things together this morning that don't look like normal worky things. I commented on this and she says it's because she isn't having a normal worky day.

"I'm volunteering. I'm off to help out at the stables. Remember I told you my company chose to support a Riding for the Disabled place this year?"

I do. I remember a horse came to see them. I remember mum told me an interesting thing about horses.

"So you know that horses are bigger than cats. What else do you know?" I am always keen to learn stuff.

There was a pause.

"Yup, definitely much bigger than cats."

"How can you help? You know nothing about horses," I said

"Oh I'm not doing anything with the horses. We're clearing hedges," she replied.

I looked out of the window. How to put this?

"You don't know anything about hedges either. Look at the jungle out there." I favour the direct approach.

She looked a little downcast. "I'm hoping they'll tell me what to do."

I hope they don't tell her too much. I love my jungle garden.


Being a good cat

August 7th 2013 10:37 pm
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Sometimes I am. My mum was tired last night so when she called me indoors I ran straight over and in I jumped the door. She looked surprised.

"Who are you and what have you done with Toby?" she asked.

"Very funny," I sighed. "Where's supper?"

I had my supper and we all trotted off to bed. A little snuggle so she would have sweet dreams and then I settled myself on the window sill to sleep. It's still too hot for my chair although it's much cooler than it was.

Mum's all perky this morning on account of sleeping so well and I'm nestled beside her - the perfect cat.

(Don't worry - I'm just lulling her into a false sense of security! I'll find new ways to tease her.)


A good game

August 6th 2013 10:34 pm
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Try this one when your mum is in bed asleep and you aren't sleepy yet.

I walked over my mum then wondered if I could remember exactly where I put my paws and if I could repeat the walk. I jumped back. Hm. One paw there on her arm, one paw here on her tummy. Over I went. Was that right? I'm not sure. Jump back and try again. Paw here, paw there and so on....

Until my mum said, "Cut it out Toby". I knew she wasn't really asleep, only pretending and I needed my head rubbing.

I did let her get some sleep later but then Josie woke her. Josie is still being all happy mum is home again so wanted to snuggle and I could hear her purr. Apparently snuggling gets headrubs while walking on doesn't. Interesting.

I wondered what result a gentle tap would get so tested that one later.

Mum is grumpy this morning. She says she would like to know what it is to sleep a whle night without cats waking her. Just one more dream for her to aspire to!


Getting my own back

August 5th 2013 10:32 pm
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My Mum thinks I have forgiven her for going away and not buying me a bird table but I haven't. Here is how I have been getting my vengeance.

Yesterday it rained. Not just a little bit, a lottle bit. It poured and poured. I went out in it and got soaked right through and then came back. I pretended to love my mum, rubbing my sodden fur against her so she got wet and muddy too.

"Toby - you are saturated," she said and it was true, one stroke and water was everywhere. It took a while to get dry but it will take her longer to get the mud off everything I rubbed against so totally worth it.

Then at bed time I jumped in the middle of mum's bed and made myself all cosy so she couldn't get in herself.

Seh rubbed my head. "What's got into you, crazy cat?" she asked. "Abandonment and no bird table," I thought but I just purred like a cat who cannot be moved.

I am pleased with yesterday's plans. Now I just need to think of some more...

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