Toby's Diary

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Mum wanted to swap us

April 22nd 2013 10:44 pm
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but don't worry. I've made her happy again.

It began last night. When she came back from dance class Josie and I slipped outside. Mum called us after a few minutes and Josie ran indoors but I was having too much fun. I heard mum rustle a food sachet and call me again but night-time is full of excitement and I can eat any time so I ignored her.

So she came out and tried to catch me. It was brilliant. She is rubbish at catching cats who do not wish to be caught. I would let her get really close and think she was going to grab me this time then - zoooom - I was off. Best evening ever.

Eventually she was so pathetic I took pity on her and ran inside.

Then she fed us and got ready for bed. She was brushing her teeth and had a mouth full of white, minty foam but Josie chose that exact moment to jump in the basin for a nice refreshing drink from the tap.

"Myggfftt" said mum, trying not to spit toothpaste everywhere. But Josie couldn't understand her so she finished her drink calmly and then trotted off and mum could then rinse.

Off to bed. Selfishly mum had not left very much water in her glass but Josie was still a bit thirsty so she dipped her paw in and licked it. We are not meant to dip our paws in mum's drinks so Josie only did it when mum wasn't looking. Mum could hear her though and looked up.

"I know what you're doing and stop it."

Josie responded in top cat style with a purr.

"And don't think purring makes it all Ok because it doesn't"

But of course it does.

Lights out and all to sleep. Josie settled on mum which mum doesn't mind only Josie got curious about mum's funny sticky outy nose and started batting it with a paw. Apparently that kind of thing is hard to sleep through.

"That's it. Tomorrow morning I'm going to find two well behaved cats and I'm going to swap you both" said my mum and threw the duvet over her head in a grumpy way that precluded further discussion.

I was pretty sure she didn't mean it. But what if she did? I quite like it here. I pondered this for an hour or so then decided I had best wake my mum and tell her I love her with lots of headrubs and purrs and maybe a little bit of dribbling so she would know I'm for real. Strangely that didn't make her as happy as I had thought it might. Maybe we should be swapping her for a well-behaved mum!!

But I think we are all Ok really. Mum rescued me from scary cat this morning so I think she loves me and I will rescue her if any lions come calling.


Even more scary than scary cat

April 21st 2013 10:38 pm
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When mum comes in Josie and I like to have a sniff around the porch and see which cats have been in the area and sometimes we have a little wander out the front. Not for long. Mum doesn't really like us out there. She leaves the front door open and pretty much we only get the time she takes to take her coat off.

On Friday we wandered a little further than usual and met the most frightening thing I have ever seen and it was heading right for us. I ran as fast as I could to the safety of home.

Mum saw me hurtle in.

"Hide," I called out as I ran straight past her. "It's coming".

Mum ignored me and went to the door to see where Josie was in case she was in trouble. Josie was also running as fast as she could and hurtled past mum. Before mum could turn round and ask us what was happening it rounded the doorway in hot pursuit of us cats.

It looked at mum and mum looked at it and it about turned and ran away again.

Mum shut the door firmly and we were safe.

"I think that's the dog from two doors down. She lives with a cat so probably just wanted to play."

"It didn't feel like that," I said. "Would you have fought it if it had got one of us?"

Mum smiled. "Toby - I would fight a lion for you."

Mum is so silly. "Lions are family - you don't attack your relatives. More likely I would be rescuing you if a lion came in our garden. Would you fight the dog?"

"Yes I would fight the dog. And I'm glad we're unlikely to be able to test your lion theory."

After that scary start - it's the closest I've ever been to a dog and the closest I ever want to be to a dog - it was an top weekend. It was much warmer and sunny and mum had a bad cold so spent a lot of it snoozing on the sofa where we joined her so that was cosy happy.


I have forgiven mum

April 18th 2013 10:40 pm
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We are friends again despite her abandoning me and I'll tell you why. Yesterday a yellow package arrived in the post. Josie and I had a good sniff but couldn't make out what it was.

When mum came home she opened it - it's new Da Bird feathers. I am so skilled at catching Da Bird and when I catch him I bite him so he knows he is caught. Some of the feathers had falled out and others aren't quite as big as they were and he didn't fly so well. But mum hooked the new feathers on and he is good as new. We had a brilliant time last night testing him out.

Also I was having an innocent stroll in my garden this morning when the new evil cat in the neighbourhood came up to me. I made myself really big but so did he and he growled all blood thirsty. My mum heard and came running to our door. She opened it so I could dash inside to safety and then she did some pretty blood curdling growls at that cat herself.

He didn't like that. He didn't like that at all and he ran away. I am glad I have a mum who looks after me. We aren't allowed out unless she's home and that's partly why. He has gone but Josie and I are keeping watch in case he comes back.


My mum left us

April 17th 2013 10:38 pm
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She went to work like usual but dinner time came. No mum. We thought she would come in all bustling and muttering about traffic jams and motorway mayhem but more and more hours went by. No mum. The sun took himself off to bed and all was dark. No sign of her.

I sat in the window looking and looking.

Then it was gone ten o'clock at night and then she came walking down the path. She saw me looking out for her.

"Oh Toby!" she exclaimed as she came in. "Have you been waiting for me all this time?" She scooped me up and squoodged me.

"I was very hungry," I explained.

"I left you a hearty breakfast because I knew I would be late." She looked down at our empty bowls. "Not hearty enough."

"No, not hearty enough" I complained. Josie meantime went a bit crazy like she always does when mum disappears and comes back.

Mum had been at a training event.

"What was it about? I hope it was worth starving your poor cats for." I asked

"Mental toughness. How to stay positive when times are grim."

"Like still having faith your mum will come home and looking for her even when your tummy is sad and empty."

Us cats are extremely mentally tough!!


Biscuits versus chunks

April 16th 2013 10:41 pm
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Normally Josie and I have half a sachet of chunks each every meal time. Mum swears that's one packets shared but I always have to check that Josie hasn't been given something more tasty than me. And then we have biscuits pretty much whenever we want them.

Lately both of us are eating more biscuits and less chunks so mum has decided to starve us. You should see the squiddly little portions she has been serving up! She says she's happy to give us more if we finish what we have but she hates to throw food away.

One thing about more biscuits is they make you more thirsty. I am happy with the water in our bowl but Josie likes hers really fresh. She's been getting in the basin a lot to drink from the tap and yesterday when mum walked in the room holding a newly poured glass of water for herself Josie was following her mewing until mum put it down and then Josie drank from it.

Mum says if Josie keeps being so very thirsty she might think about taking her to the vet which is a mean thing to do just because some cat steals your water.

Josie says she's fine and needs no vet.

Each morning I help mum know what to say and then I sleep while mum checks the headlines. Yesterday we were all so shocked by what she read and are sending our purrs to everyone in Boston.


More signs of Spring

April 15th 2013 10:43 pm
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Yesterday we had the big furniture switcheroo. Mum swaps our bed and the armchair over. Our bed had been by the radiator to enjoy the warmth but now that's off mum has moved our bed over to the window so we can sunbathe.

Josie likes to ride on the chair while mum pushes it. The other exciting thing is seeing what's been lurking underneath.

Mum picked up our bed and exclaimed in delight, "My puzzle book! I wondered where that had gone. I lost that months ago." Then, "How the heck did it get there?"

She moved our bed out of the way and put the puzzle book on the sofa. Then started to push the chair. And there came a very different type of exclamation.

"What is that?" She peered from a safe distance. "Is it alive?"

Josie wasn't going to leave the safe vantage of her chair to find out. Mum got the broom and gave it a gentle poke with the handle. It rolled rather than walked suggesting an inanimate object and mum dared get closer. Then she laughed.

"So that's where your grape went Toby!" It was a black grape so now being rather shrivelled it did look somewhat beetle like. She had pushed her hand under the chair in the search but I had knocked it paw length under.

That has now gone to be compost.

Our other sign of Spring was our first indoor ant. At about this time every year they come and scout around and mum stomps on them until they realise this isn't a good idea. We have no idea how they get in. This one was cheekily crawling across mum's keyboard. So I am now on ant spotting duty as mum says there'll probably be more.


We saw mum on TV

April 14th 2013 10:38 pm
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But it wasn't very exciting!

The show she saw recorded was on Friday night and she seemed very excited to see it which we thought was odd as she aleady knew what happened. But we're amenable cats and gathered round to watch with her. Josie had mum's lap and I had the arm of the sofa next to her.

It started and they ran the view over the back of the audience's heads. Mum froze it and pointed- "See the bald guy's head? I'm three along to the right."

There was an embarrassed silence.

"So we're just looking at the back of your head?" I asked.


"We already knew what that looked like," I pointed out. "Is there maybe more of you later?"

"No. That's it, but you'll enjoy the show. It was very funny."

Then I couldn't help but notice something else.

"You're right down in the middle at the front."

"We are," she said proudly, "we queued for hours to get the prime position."

"And did the camera lady queue for hours too? She's standing exactly in front of you with a massive camera."

Mum had to admit she saw half the show through the lens of the camera filming it as they were indeed sitting right behind the camera and those TV cameras are big. So we've suggested she say home and watch the whole thing through the lens of the camera filming it next time and keep us company.

In other news I don't want to jinx it but Spring seems to be here. Mum mowed the lawn yesterday. Our heating has gone off. And Josie has been outdoors for more than five minutes. Not much more but it really looks like Spring has Sprung!!



April 11th 2013 10:42 pm
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Don't mess with our routines!! Cats like to know what's happening.

Yesterday mum went to work like normal, so far so good. But at about 1pm she came home. When mum walks in the door after work - it's supper time. Everybody knows that. And here she was, walking in. Only mum said it wasn't - we still don't get lunch.

Then out she went and didn't come back at normal home time. She didn't come back until, well until nearly the next day. Then we did get supper and she said she hadn't realised she would be so late.

Josie and I were so hungry and then so excited that she was home as we had pretty much given up hope. There was a lot of dashing and leaping about by us and mum just muttered that she was tired and hunkered down under her duvet ignoring our attempts to draw her in to the chase.

So there was walking in when she wasn't expected and not walking in when she should have been. How are us cats meant to know what to do? We don't like changes.

Mum said she had taken a half day holiday to go and see a TV Programme being recorded and has promised to get back in normal routine again. She reckoned it was a lot of fun but today she's really tired.

The one good thing she did do yesterday was check my diary - I have very talented friends!! That doesn't surprise me of course. I only hang out with the best. I liked learning what everyone's special gifts are.


Qualified Cats?

April 10th 2013 10:43 pm
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Mum had some good news at work she was keen to celebrate with us. We like to celebrate and we got ham so it was a good day for us too.

Mum's work run programmes where people can get qualifications which is a special kind of certificate to say you are good at something. Mum's marked their work and said what she thinks but the people who own the qualifying body have always checked as well but as of this week she is trusted to award on her own. If she says that someone is qualified then they are.

Naturally we were keen to get our certificates but mum says it is in Coaching which is all about asking good questions and our questions tend to be of a very direct nature - is it dinner time yet? can we play? - that kind of thing, and apparently they don't count.

This got me thinking what qualification I would get. I thought maybe "Bird Hunting" but mum pointed out I've never actually caught one. In my head I have. "Da Bird Hunting" - I would get that one with just a little more practice - hint, hint, mum!

Josie wants one too so we all tried to think what she is good at. Mum said maybe "Balancing on the bathroom sink in various positions to drink straight from the tap" which Josie is indeed uniquely skilled in. I think she's very good at playing tag, we both are.

And mum could have one in head scritching as she does that well.

I wonder what my Catster friends would get their qualifications in?


Cheeky Josie

April 9th 2013 10:37 pm
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Tuesday is often movie night in our home. After supper and play time we all settle down and choose a film. Only last night mum chose a stupid one about a dog. She was laughing at the carzy things the dog did but we didn't get it - there are plenty of films about cats out there so she shouldn't have been watching dogs.

Anyway I was snoozing on my bed and Josie was beside mum on the sofa when mum noticed Josie chewing on something.

"What have you got there poppet?" she asked - and she moved Josie to see as she doesn't always trust us when she catches us eating anywhere that isn't our bowls.

Then "How did you get that? I didn't see you." Mum had made herself a bowl of popcorn and Josie likes popcorn, especially with a little drizzle of butter, so Josie had taken a piece from the bowl on mum's lap without being noticed.

Mum reminded Josie of the rule that we don't take food off her plate but Josie thought that only applied to visibly taking food in the same way the rule about not walking on the kitchen sides only applies when mum is in range of sight.

Then mum got up to draw the curtains as it was getting dark. When she turned round there was Josie, cheeky once more, curled up on the cushion mum had been sitting on. Us cats can make ourselves look like we've been comfy settled for hours really fast and it worked for Josie. Mum sat back down at the other end of the sofa.

So you see sometimes I am the good boy, all quietly sleeping, and Josie is the naughty cat!

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