Toby's Diary

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My mum is wrong. Again.

July 3rd 2013 10:38 pm
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She says she doesn't want cats any more but she does. My mum without cats is unthinkable. It would be like morning time without breakfast, like a purr without a head bump. It just couldn't be.

I'll explain why she said what she said.

I caught a bird and brought it to the back door. It was only a little one and I didn't try and bring it in so I don't know what all the fuss was about. Josie wanted to bring it in and mum asked me if it was actually me that caught the last two that Josie had and yes, I am proud to say I am that mighty hunter.

Mum says she doesn't want me catching birds but they are such fun to chase.

Then Josie barfed up all her supper and mum had to clean it up and this is when the hurtful comments came. Mum reckons she doesn't want to be clearing up dead birds and barf.

I'm pretty sure mum doesn't really want us to move out. She takes quite a lot of looking after so I don't think she would get by without us to supervise. But just in case we were both on best behaviour for the rest of the evening and this morning I think she's forgotten.

Happy July 4th to all my American friends!! I'm wishing you all plenty of barbecue food and sunbeams to sleep in after and safe places to hide when the fireworks start.


The fox

July 2nd 2013 10:23 pm
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Yesterday morning I was innocently trotting about my garden seeing what I could see when there was a bang behind me. I looked up and there was an enormous fox, he was bigger than any animal has a right to be.

I did what any cat would do in such circumstances. I made myself big too, sideways on and every hair at full stretch. We stared at each other.

Then I heard my mum call me from indoors. I appreciated the thought but there was no way I was turning my back on that thing. I concentrated on being big and watching his every move.

Then my mum shouted at the fox. He glanced at her, "You and whose army?"

He was rather less brave when mum made good her threat and came rushing out in the garden. He was gone as suddenly as he had come. My mum walked up to where he had gone and saw a hole in the fence. Actually that's my hole for sneaking into next door's garden. I didn't think it was big enough for a fox if I'm honest.

Mum says she'll nail something over it.

"Leave a Toby sized hole when you do that," I requested.

We came in and gradually I brought myself back to normal size.

"Your tail was as big as the fox's" commented mum.

"All of me was as big as the fox," I corrected her. She started to say something but I fixed her with my beady stare and she didn't.

Naturally I am extremely brave but I hope I don't see that fox ever again. I think it would worry Josie too much.


I was here!!

July 1st 2013 10:39 pm
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Last night mum came home from dancing and Josie and I popped out as usual for a sniff of evening air and then we came home. Mum said, "hello Josie", put some supper in a bowl and put it in the sitting room where we both duly went. Then mum shut the door.

"I'm off to find the boy," she called, "and I want to know you are safely in while I find him" and out she went. I heard her calling and calling me from outdoors and rustling enticing sounding bags. At one point she came in so I scrabbled frantically at the closed door.

"I'll let you out in a moment, Josie," said my mum. "I can't go to bed until he's safely home."

But I was safely home.

It was some time later I heard mum come in and sigh heavily. "Drat the boy" she said. She shut the front door which had been open all the while and opened the sitting room door.

"OK Josie. We'll give him a moment...Toby? You were here all along?"

"Yes I was."

She was very happy to see me and said she took back all the things she had muttered about me while she had paced local gardens looking. She said she had seen Leo and Smudge from next door but they had both said they hadn't seen me. Of course they did. I was here, where I was meant to be. Mum just hadn't seen me come in.

Sighs heavily. Mums aren't very bright sometimes.


The sun is here

June 30th 2013 10:40 pm
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People were saying it wouldn't come but I knew my friend Laura Belle had parcelled some up and sent it so it would.

Our new washing machine is here too. What a swiz! It came in polystyrene blocks and no box. It is smaller than the old one and we can walk right behind it easily (although we haven't had much of a chance to do that as mum has been washing pretty much constantly since it arrived and we don't like the way it whines.)

I asked mum if it is true that European washing machines are smaller than American ones and she said she did some work for Maytag a while back and she's pretty sure we couldn't even get one of their machines in our kitchen so yes, she thinks they are.

It was a pretty exciting weekend all in all as we had a visitor to stay. I was sleeping when mum was making up the bed in the spare room so Josie helped. I heard mum saying, "You crazy cat, that's your own tail." I haven't chased my tail since I was a kitten but Josie chases hers sometimes because it makes mum laugh and that's what she was doing.

The visitor was Nicky who comes this time every year and she and my mum go off to Wimbledon to watch the tennis. Nicky has known both of us since we were small but this was the first year she has been able to stroke Josie which shows just how brave my sister has become.

I caught a frog for Nicky to play with but mum didn't notice and accidentally shut the door before I could bring him in. I put him down to explain and off he hopped and I couldn't catch him again.

The sunny is still here (thanks Laura Belle) so I'm off out to enjoy it.


Soggy feet

June 27th 2013 10:41 pm
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Last night mum came home from her dance class and Josie and I popped out to see what had been happening which is what we like to do. Josie went back in as it was raining but it wasn't raining hard so I stayed out.

Mum called me but I pretended not to hear her. Then she popped her head round the porch and saw me.

"Come in now, young man," she said.

I sniffed some extra interesting blades of grass.

"In a minute," I said.

"No, now," she said and came out to get me. If I'm honest I wasn't too sorry to be going in as it was quite damp so I let her round me up and in we went.

"Yak!!" she exclaimed, "My feet are all soggy". So keen was she to reach me she hadn't stopped for shoes. She peeled off sodden socks and put them to dry. When they are dry they'll go in the basket and then the machine - when we have one again. People are funny like that. All those jobs to do whilst I just sat and gave my paws a good washing and they came up all dry and fluffy.

Mum was watching me and said she was glad she didn't have to lick her soggy feet but I like knowing I am properly clean and am glad that I do.

Today is a happy day as mum has holiday and the machine is coming. I got excited when I read what cats said about the box it will come in and I asked mum if we can keep ours. She said we'll have to see as the flat is already pretty full of things for our entertainment. (It isn't. Not enough anyway!)


Another bird

June 26th 2013 10:42 pm
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Mum came home all happy yesterday. She reckoned she had petted a horse at work.

"You did not pet a horse. How would it get in the office?" I asked.

"OK. It was a pony and it was in the car park," she claimed.

"What's a pony?"

"It's a small horse. Her name was Beauty and she lived up to it," mum said.

"Smaller than a cat?"

"No. Much bigger than a cat. Children can ride them."

"I do not wish to meet a pony," I told her and mum says I won't but that actually horses and cats generally get along fine. Her company have just started having a stables for people with disabilities as their chosen charity (I'm assuming cat charities weren't one of the choices)so they sent the pony to say hello.

Then mum suddenly said, "oh no you don't!" and shut the cat flap. Josie was there with a bird in her mouth. There was some discussion as Josie was very keen to bring the bird in for us all to enjoy but mum wasn't having it. She's funny like that.

Josie reckons she caught the bird but mum said that as Josie had literally just gone out, unless the bird had been walking past the cat flap at that moment and had been caught without so much as a squawk, then no, Josie didn't. Mum reckons another cat caught it and Josie found it or it died of natural causes and Josie found it. Either way she wasn't having it indoors.

Eventually Josie gave up as she wanted her supper and mum went out and once again kept the bird for herself. When I catch one I might not let mum know..


Our neglectful mum

June 25th 2013 10:39 pm
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You may want to get an animal welfare charity on speed dial before you read of our shameful treatment.

Mum was bustling about yesterday and she scooped up our water bowl and gave the water to the plants as she does every morning but she got distracted and forgot the very important Part Two of that process. Where was our fresh water? Where was any water?

When she came home and saw a gap where our water bowl should be her face fell.

"How did I forget? Poor cats. Here all day with no water. How could I have done that?"

How indeed?! She put some down right away but the damage was done. I was just explaining the torment of our thirst and how only a handful of Dreamies or some fresh chicken would remove the horror from my mind as mum went in her room to get changed. Her eyes fell on the glasses by her bed.

"You drank that of course. Thank goodness."

"Well, yes, there was that, but we were still tormented...."

She looked at me.

"Still I bet you're glad you haven't got around to getting a cup with a straw like some of my Catster friends suggested."

She admitted she was. To be fair to her she's never done that before and I don't think she will again - and she gave us some ham and then I found out I was a Diary Pick again which is something quite splendid so I am minded to forgive her. But if she ever does do it again there'll be trouble and hopefully it will make her forget the straw idea.


Also at the weekend

June 24th 2013 10:40 pm
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I forgot to say but we had another adventure.

On Sunday Mum was in the kitchen and all out of nowhere she fell to her knees and started hugging the washing machine. I know she likes it but this was odd. She sort of hugged and tugged and gradually it came away from the wall.

We have never seen this before and were very excited to scramble behind and see what was there. Not a lot is the answer. Mum did tell us that but we like to see things for ourselves.

Then mum started pulling at pipes and things. Naturally I like a good look and to offer encouragement and support.

"I can't do this round your fuzzy head," said my mum but you never know when a mouse or kitty treat might appear so I resisted her attempts to push me away.

In the end she gave up pulling and went next door and came back with a very scary looking metal thing so we gave her a wide berth in case she had asked them if she could borrow a cat deterent. Luckily she attacked the washing machine with this, not us, and it yielded its pipes in the end although it fought back and there was much muttering and cursing.

Turns out the washing machine is broken down. It had been making some most peculier noises and stopped spinning so everything came out all wet. I remember getting dripped on when I helped mum hang out the washing not so long away. If it will cause soggy fur then it must go and happily mum agrees.

We are to have a new one so something else to look forward to as mum will take a day off work so they can fit it. That's later this week. I love when mum takes days off work!


Missing mum

June 23rd 2013 10:41 pm
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On Saturday my mum was very excited as she was having a birthday treat from her sister - tea in a countryside hotel with cucumber sandwiches, scones and clotted cream and dainty cakes and then, and she was particularly looking forward to this part, a Moroccan Muscle Melt Massage.

Off she went. Supper time came. Supper time went. She hadn't left extra like she normally does when she thinks she'll be late. We got to thinking.

"Have they really melted her?" asked Josie.

"I don't know. Maybe."

"Maybe they did and that's why she isn't here. Maybe she can't drive. How will she get back? Will they pour her through the letter box?" worried Josie.

"More to the point - how will she reach our biscuits which for no good reason she insists on storing up high?"

We had so convinced ourselves that mum would return in liquid form that seeing her all looking normal when she finally did come back was a great relief. We had supper and then mum watched TV and both of us nestled near her. We both tapped her with our paws intermittently demanding strokeses.

"This is wonderfully cosy," said my mum. "Why can't you two be like this more often?"

"We thought they had melted you," I admitted.

She gave a contented sigh. "No, just supremely relaxed."

We stayed cosy with my mum a lot over the weekend seeing as it made her so happy.


June 20th 2013 10:40 pm
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It is warm here but not sunny. Mum keeps looking at the sky and saying it's going to rain but it keeps not and I'm making the most of it, being out in the garden whenever I can be.

Last night mum called me in and I came and she petted me and told me what a good boy I am to come when called.

"Where's my treat?" I demanded.

She looked at me and sighed. "If you were a dog it would be enough that you had made me happy."

"I am a cat. Treat now!"

Mum has been hanging out with a dog she meets on her lunchbreaks at work and apparently he always gives her a lick and a waggy tail even though she's never given him anything to eat. Stupid dog - he's really missing a trick. She's good with treats.

I continued to stand by the treat drawer and demand my treat until mum gave in and then I was ready to go back out but mum had locked up as it was bedtime. Then she commented that as I am out so much she isn't getting so much love from me.

I thought about that one and it's true so when she was all snuggled up in her pyjamas and settling to sleep she got a Toby Love Bomb - my best purrs, snuggles and some dribbles to boot. She kept muttering about needing sleep but I knew I could catch up later and I didn't want her to go another minute without knowing I do love her really.

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