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Toby's Diary

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Cats are never grumpy

November 12th 2014 10:49 pm
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People are annoying.

I was having my snuggle with my mum this morning and she said, "I am glad that you aren't so grumpy this morning. You must have slept well."

Now I did bite my mum yesterday but with good cause (and not hard.) She was petting me wrong. She's normally quite good but yesterday she was doing it wrong.

Then she also bought the wrong flavour biscuits and I don't like them.

"You liked them before," she lied. I am sure I didn't.

And it rained so we had to play indoors. (Never, ever tell anyone but I do like having a sisfur at times like that. We played chasey games and it was fun.)

And a man came to put mum's new shower in. (The old one was dripping cold water on her. Strange how she's happy to stand under water but picky on temperature.) I do not mind visitors but he hammered and banged and I do not like that.

So I bit my mum after all that and any cat would. It clearly worked, It is not raining today, no man is hammering and banging in the bathroom and she got the petting just right. Sometimes a little discipline is all that is needed.


The sofa

November 11th 2014 9:50 pm
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Josie is coming around to the new sofa. She has found that she can still perch on the back behind my mum's head which is what she likes to do.

"Actually it's better," she admitted. "I can curl up. I couldn't before."

Mum said that she went in the show room and asked only to look at sofas with wide arms and a wide back. No matter how comfy or well priced or attractive the others were she would only buy one that we would like.

Years of patient training and she is learning.

One last thing - she was sitting on it, looked round at us and said, "Watch this." One tug at a hook by the side and up went her feet. "How cool is that! We'll have a cosy winter reclining." And she did look very contented there. Josie wasn't quite convinced enough to sit on mum's legs and we do seem to have resolved the competition for their favourite spot - for now at least.


We have a new sofa

November 10th 2014 10:36 pm
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Most of yesterday we didn't so we had one arm chair and one cat bed and played musical chairs all day. As soon as anyone got up someone had snabbled their seat.

But then it arrived. Mum put the old throws on it so it would smell right for us and I like it. It has a wide arm for me to sit on just as mum promised. It doesn't have a squishy cat shaped nest on the arm but I'm working on that.

Mum likes it as it isn't squishy so she can get out of it.

Josie. Where's Josie? Has anyone seen the tortie? Mum went on the hunt and came back laughing.

Josie does not like the new sofa. She prefers the old one.

When mum's friends took it outdoors they left the cushions and seats here. When the new sofa was due my mum took those all in the spare room, piled them high, precariously balanced on top of a suitcase and laundry basket and that is where Josie is now choosing to sleep - her old familar cushions now with an aeriel view of the spare room. Fabulous!

Mum says she's not keeping them but Josie hopes she will. Josie gets to pretend she's the Princess with a hundred mattresses and I get to pretend I'm an only cat. Everyone's happy.


They stole our sofa

November 9th 2014 10:32 pm
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Friends came to see my mum on Sunday and all seemed normal. They admired me. Josie hid. Everyone drank tea. So far so good.

But then my mum opened the back doors, all the cushions came off the sofa and they all carried it outside. Now we just have the chair.

I really really miss my sofa. When I am feeling bad one thing always makes me feel better - attacking Josie.


"What? We were just playing," I explained, after I had removed the mouthful of Josie's fur.

"Play nicely," said my mum but the whole thing is her fault anyway for letting people steal my sofa. Turns out it was too heavy to carry anyway and they left it in the front garden.

With just one chair in the evening mum and Josie had to share and Josie sat on mum's lap which seemed to work out well for both of them. I wonder why they didn't think of that before.


Fireworks Night

November 5th 2014 10:30 pm
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is over and we won't miss it a bit.

Mum wouldn't let us outdoors last night and I could soon see why. Bangs and hisses and flashes from all over. I would like it known that I was extremely brave. I did look up when they were really loud and close by but I stayed with my mum.

Josie prowled and searched for the safest place she could think of. She settled on our fort - the big box that lives in the hall. That was as far away from any windows as she could find. Unfortunately that's not a usual place for her, mum didn't realise and pushed the fort to open the cupboard behind. Poor Josie came bounding out - off in search of another hiding place. She was not a happy cat.

So anyway now two good things. One is that although mum says there will be some firworks for a few days yet the worst noisy night is over and the other is that the reason my mum opened the cupboard was to turn the heating on.

We love the heating on!!


Mum fell out of bed

November 4th 2014 10:40 pm
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It was brilliant. People are a constant source of amusement. You would never get cats being so clumsy.

She was attempting to get up and caught her foot in a corner of the sheet which had folded back on itself and over she went, landing on her knees on the carpet.

No harm done, just a scraped knee.

She reckons it is my fault. The weather here has taken a turn for the cooler so mum flipped the mattress topper over yesterday. It has a fluffy side to keep her snug.

I never saw this side before but wow and I mean wow! It was so soft, so cosy, so welcoming. I wiggled my body and stretched out my claws and decided this was exactly where I will spend the entire winter.

And then my mum covered it over with a sheet.

"What are you doing? Leave my fluff where I can reach it!" I cried, but to no avail. Some nonsense about it being unhygienic to sleep right on the topper.

So I did what I could, placing myself where I would be most on the way to stop her. She did get the sheet on but clearly hadn't tucked it in properly and in the night it untucked, folded and the rest you know.

So I got my revenge for her covering my fluffy topper. Hopefully a valuable lesson learnt. Although she did tuck that corner in with renewed determination this morning.


Our Naughty Tortie strikes again

November 3rd 2014 10:36 pm
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My mum is still sleepy after her late nights at the weekend. I hope she has learnt a valuable lesson about abandoning us cats.

Yesterday she came in and said she would have 40 winks before her dance class. She settled back on the sofa and Josie and I settled down in our favourite places and soon all was peaceful; just the sound of contented snoozing.

But I was woken by a snigger. I looked down to see Josie, paw hovering over mum's knee. She caught me looking.

"Shall I?" she asked and before I could say anything at all she tapped mum firmly on the knee. Twice.

My mum woke up with a heck of a start.

"Who's that?"

A pause.


That cheeky tortie tucked head under paw and pretended the whole thing had been accident. Accident my paw!!

Josie is getting increasingly cheeky. I hope my mum appreciates me all the more!


Staying in

November 2nd 2014 10:40 pm
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My mum was out Friday night and out all the day on Saturday so Josie and I had to stay in. She promised she would be home all day Sunday and make it up to us. And it rained and it rained and it rained so we stayed in anyway.

Then it stopped raining and the fireworks started. I really don't like fireworks. They go bang and they go hiss and they come from all around. Mum says they can't get in but Josie and I hid anyway just to be on the safe side.

When they quietened down a bit I sat next to my mum and Josie sat on mum's lap where it felt safer.

"Were the bangs your idea for getting Josie to share your seat?" I asked but my mum claims she has no control of them. She seemed happy to have the tortie snuggled on her so I retain my suspicions.

"Are they done now?" I asked.

"There'll be a few more days," said my mum.

Sighs! I miss outdoors.


You cannot outwit a cat

October 30th 2014 11:34 pm
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This time of year Josie and my mum have an ongoing battle. Who shall have their favourite seat on the sofa? (Answer - usually Josie. Of course!)

Mum did try arranging all the cushions temptingly at the other end but Josie spurned that and sat, looking a little sorry for herself, where they were not. Have you ever seen a person trying to slide a cushion under a cat? My mum is very funny when she is feeling guilty.

So last night my mum had the sought after spot but wanted to a get cup of tea. How to have both a tea and retain her space? She thought she had been clever, throwing a pile of hard-backed books on the cushion where she sat. Surely that would be too uncomfortable for Josie.

The books were, yes. But Josie simply wrapped herself around them and settled herself on what cusion was available to her. When my mum came back she could only sit down by moving the books - at which moment Josie was perfectly poised to slide across and claim her cushion.

Josie wins every time.

She's the cat so of course she does. (I actually prefer to be on the arm of the sofa, that little bit higher so I get to leave them to their arguing.)


No holiday for cats

October 30th 2014 12:17 am
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We were all worn out by my mum's decorating so yesterday was a quieter day. I did wonder if she plans to go back to work any time and she said she is having to take her two week holiday. She works in finance so they make her take two weeks in a block in case she's up to no good.

"And are you?" I asked, fascinated by this hitherto unrecognised aspect of her personality.

"No," she said, "I prefer a clean conscience." Then she sighed. "The theory is that if I go for two weeks someone else does my work and they'll see if I am up to anything but actually no-one does so I go back to piles and piles. I dread to think how many e-mails I'll have."

"This is why Josie and I don't take holidays," I said, sympathetically. "Imagine the backlog of fur distribution, sofa destruction, laundry basket shredding and so on we would come back to. Not to mention all the naps and snuggles we would need to catch up on."

So the main excitement of yesterday was my mum trying to work out her new smartphone. Not very successfully. She was trying to send a photo of Josie and me to her friend but I don't think we ever did find out if it arrived. Technology and mum are not the best of friends.

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