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Toby's Diary

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Cats should be dignified

November 24th 2014 10:39 pm
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We had a lovely day with my mum yesterday. Then at one point she picked up a bag and said she was going next door as she had brought them a gift to say thank you for feeding us. Only they had gone out so we still have the bag.

"Did you bring us anything back?" I asked. Compensation for her absence is surely our due.

You could see the thoughts whirring and then a smile, "Yes, I did." She delved in her handbag and produced a bag of kitty treats. "One of my friends gave me these for you."

She has some good friends.

Then I as I was munching I noticed something. "Were you peckish on your journey back?"

For the bag had been opened and presumably some treats removed. I've never seen my mum eat kitty treays but there's always a first time.

"There's a cat at the venue called George. She lifts a paw for treats. It's so cute. I had to demonstrate several times."

"She does what?" I was really hoping I had misheard.

"She sits there and raises a pretty-please paw," said my mum.

We will never do that. We have our pride. We get given our treats and do not perform for them.

"I think I may have spoiled you two," commented my mum.

You cannot spoil a cat. Nothing is too good for us.


We were left alone again

November 24th 2014 12:36 am
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On Friday out came Big Bag and my mum was gone. Our neighbours did come and feed us. When my mum came back yesterday evening she said that she had really missed us. well - if she doesn't want to miss us all she has to do is not to go away!

She gave us our supper and then said, "That's odd. I wonder why they left the biscuits like that." For instead of being closed the bag was wide open at the top.

I looked at her blankly. "Peoples do odd things. What can I say?"

Then she looked more closely. "Why are there paw prints up here?"

"Ah yes. It's coming back to me. We did self-service on the biscuits" I explained.

"You know the rules," said my mum crossly.

The rule is that we are not to be seen on the kitchen sides. Mum did not see us there. We had broken no rules. I thought the self-service thing was inspired. One less job for my mum if we help ourselves but the bag is now closed. Hopefully as loosely as last time so we can open it again when we need to.

Anyway my mum was only grumpy as she was tired. She went to bed and slept and slept and slept. Past breakfast time and past going to work time and on she slept. Finally she did wake up and is drinking ridiculous amounts of tea. And since she's been back every time she stands up she groans. I gather there was a LOT of line dancing at her weekend. We have no sympathy!



November 21st 2014 12:34 am
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My mum had some making up to do to me and Josie and we had a lovely cosy evening. Josie curled up on my mum's lap and I sat next to them enjoying the occasional stroke and we were happy as can be.

"One thing I like about cooler weather," said my mum, "is that you two like to be indoors with me. If this was a summer's evening you would be off out."

I considered this.

"One thing I like about cooler weather is that you wear fluffy stuff," I said.

In summer it's all cotton and you can't get a decent paddy paw going in cotton but a wooly jumper or snuggly fleece. Perfect. Josie agrees - when my mum's getting changed you'll often find Josie poised to snuggle up on a discarded dressing gown or whatever.


Only herself to blame

November 19th 2014 10:44 pm
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My mum did not come home until really late last night. We had given up hope of ever seeing her again.

Naturally we wanted some supper and a run in the garden but whilst supper we could have no run for us. My mum went straight to bed.

We are quite obliging cats so went to bed too but, inevitably, our springy legs woke us up bright and early. Josie was the brave one and jumped on my sleeping mum with a polite "Good morning" and then "is it time to run now?" I heard her ask.

My mum isn't the easiest person to understand when she's half asleep so her, "Leave me be. It's the middle of the night" might well have been a "I love chatting to my cats in the middle of the night and it would be awesome if you two could chase each other around for a while."

We did choose that latter interpretation. Given what a marvellous entertainment she had last night she is surprisngly grumpy this morning.

Anyway if she doesn't want us lively in the night she needs to be home to let us out in the evening. No more company quiz nights for her. (Her team didn't even win!)


Mystery Box

November 18th 2014 10:42 pm
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My mum came home last night with a mystery box, a sort of crate covered with plastic. If Josie and I hadn't needed our supper I would have been right in there, vestigating.

As it was I had my supper, evening patrol, snuggles with my mum - the evening flew by.

Luckily I woke up in the night and remembered it. Off I trotted. What was in there? Kitty food? New toys? I couldn't wait to find out.

Carefully I tugged at the plastic. Hm - quite well packed in. The contents must be very valuable. A rootle round with a paw and yes, in.

"Josie - come quick," I called. "There's something alive in here. I cane see his fur. We must release him immediately."

I heard movement behind me and looked up but it wasn't Josie it was my mum. She's good at opening stuff. I carried on tugging at the plastic, hoping she would get the idea.

"What are you doing Toby?" she asked before adding, "It's 3am." She often helpfully tells me the time when we talk in the night.

"I am heroically and bravely rescuing an imprisoned animal," I explained.

Mum lifted the plastic and looked. "It's a teddy bear."

I like teddy bears. They are good to snuggle up with. "Help me then."

To my dismay my mum put the plastic back. "It's not our bear. We are looking after raffle prizes. Looking after doesn't mean pawing and clawing at them."

She seemed pretty firm on the subject but maybe I'll have another go while she is at work today. We do have some bears but I think we do have room for one more.


Wild cats

November 17th 2014 10:42 pm
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My mum was looking at a news website when a photo caught my eye.

"He's a handsome chap. What brave and heroic thing has he done?"

"That's just a stock photo. The article is about cats."

"What does it say?"

My mum scanned it to get straight to the good parts. "Whilst dogs have been domesticated and bred to live with humans the DNA of a wild cat is almost identical to, well - to yours."

This is not news. "Cats are all pretty much lions and tigers," I agreed.

"That would be so much more impressive if you weren't lying on your back having your tummy rubbed," said my mum.

I like having my tummy rubbed.

"Then it says that cats could just go out and carry on with their wild lives but they hang out with humans for the rewards."

"There are rewards?" Things are looking up. "When do we get them?"

"You get fed."

"Not always the flavour I would choose."

"You get tummy rubs."

"Not enough"

"You get warm places to sleep."

"That I have to share with Josie."

Mum had better get this reward thing sorted out quick smart or I may unleash the inner wild!


Cat had a wash

November 16th 2014 10:37 pm
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Sundays are bed linen change days and we like to join in. My mum pulls everything off and I pull everything in the other direction, or scramble under the sheets or pounce on where I see movement and we generally have a marvellous time.

Then my mum bundles everything in the machine, checks where me and Josie are so she knows we're not in with the sheets, and switches it on.

"What kind of crazy cat would go in the machine?" I asked. So she showed me film of Henry, running in the machine like it's a hamster wheel. Since then she has always worried that one day a cat might be in there with all the water and soap and being spun and no cat would like that. So she always checks.

But on Sunday a cat did sneak in. Don't worry - not me or Josie. My mum has a toy cat that sleeps on her bed. It's odd. We bat our toy mice around and play with them but she never does that with her toy cat.

Anyway the toy cat has a label that says he does not go in the machine but go in the machine he did, invisible in the folds of laundry.

"Oh dear!" said my mum when she pulled everything out, and he tumbled to her feet, all wet. She picked him up and had a good look.

"Your nose is a bit battered but you do look and smell lovely and I think you are OK," she pronounced the verdict. Then he spent the rest of the day on the radiator to dry out, half on his back which looked most uncomfortable. But it worked.

I don't think I would come out as well and certainly don't want to spend several hours on my back on the radiator so I'll be extra careful next tiome I'm helping my mum with the sheets. I had no idea it could be so hazardous.


Cheese sauce

November 13th 2014 10:37 pm
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When I came in yesterday evening I went straight over to Josie and touched noses.

"Oh that is so sweet," said my mum, "Giving your sisfur a kiss."

I wasn't. She had a smug look on her face so I was sniffing her breath.

I knew it.

"Where's my cheese sauce?" I asked. I'm not so fond of cheese but I do love my mum's cheese sauce.

Mum sighed. "I think there's a bit left in the pan."

One dollop later and I was satisfied. They should have known they couldn't get away with sneakily eating it when I was out.

(We only had a little bit and the vet is happy with both of our weights. People food is a very rare treat for us.)


Cats are never grumpy

November 12th 2014 10:49 pm
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People are annoying.

I was having my snuggle with my mum this morning and she said, "I am glad that you aren't so grumpy this morning. You must have slept well."

Now I did bite my mum yesterday but with good cause (and not hard.) She was petting me wrong. She's normally quite good but yesterday she was doing it wrong.

Then she also bought the wrong flavour biscuits and I don't like them.

"You liked them before," she lied. I am sure I didn't.

And it rained so we had to play indoors. (Never, ever tell anyone but I do like having a sisfur at times like that. We played chasey games and it was fun.)

And a man came to put mum's new shower in. (The old one was dripping cold water on her. Strange how she's happy to stand under water but picky on temperature.) I do not mind visitors but he hammered and banged and I do not like that.

So I bit my mum after all that and any cat would. It clearly worked, It is not raining today, no man is hammering and banging in the bathroom and she got the petting just right. Sometimes a little discipline is all that is needed.


The sofa

November 11th 2014 9:50 pm
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Josie is coming around to the new sofa. She has found that she can still perch on the back behind my mum's head which is what she likes to do.

"Actually it's better," she admitted. "I can curl up. I couldn't before."

Mum said that she went in the show room and asked only to look at sofas with wide arms and a wide back. No matter how comfy or well priced or attractive the others were she would only buy one that we would like.

Years of patient training and she is learning.

One last thing - she was sitting on it, looked round at us and said, "Watch this." One tug at a hook by the side and up went her feet. "How cool is that! We'll have a cosy winter reclining." And she did look very contented there. Josie wasn't quite convinced enough to sit on mum's legs and we do seem to have resolved the competition for their favourite spot - for now at least.

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