Toby's Diary

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Mum's home

October 13th 2013 11:39 pm
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I know all cats have their own strategy when their people have been away. I just pretend I didn't notice - I be completely normal. Josie is hopeless. She has been either dashing about like a loon or sitting close by my mum purring and reaching out a pathetic paw every now and then to make sure mum is really there.

Mum said we must be very thankful to our neighbours who kindly fed us while she was away. I am not. Paul did complain about me.

As I don't use the cat door normally when mum goes away we are imprisoned but he did let us out and then come back to let us back in again and I love being out in the garden. Indeed so much so that one evening I wanted to stay out when he called us in.

Josie trotted off like the goodie-two-shoes she is but I stayed out adventuring. Paul waited awhile and called again but I pretended I didn't hear him. Then he came in the garden with a torch - he was looking in all my best hunting places and calling me.

I was pretty tired by then as it was very late and I didn't really want to stay out all night. Then a funny idea struck me. Being black and small I am all but invisible at night. I slipped behind him and back home, into the bedroom and I settled myself on my chair. As I started on my evening wash I could hear him still in the garden calling for me and I chuckled.

It was a while after that I heard the back door close. He must have given up on me. Then he came and called "Goodnight Josie" and he looked down and saw me and realised I had been there all along and this is why he complained. He had spent literally hours waiting and searching and I had simply been enjoying a quiet sleep on my own chair, snuggled up with my bears.

People think they are so clever but they are no match for us cats!!

(Mum says I won't feel so clever when I don't get let out again but I am pretty hard to resist!)


Josie's marble

October 3rd 2013 10:41 pm
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Yesterday mum said she couldn't face more mouse slaughter - real or pretend - so Josie found something new to entertain herself with. she found a large green glass marble. She batted it here; she batted it there; she was having a marvellous time.

So naturally I wanted a go. I batted it and off it rolled; batted again - more rolling and "Listen how it makes a strange noise on the kitchen floor!"

"Not in the kitchen Toby!" called my mum dashing in. "You'll.....too late," as the marble rolled under the units. Oh well - it was fun while it lasted.

My mum is all happy today as one more day of work then holiday. Yey!

"Not big bag going away type holiday?" I asked hopefully.

A sheepish look. "Not all of it."

So if you don't hear from me for a while it will be because my mum is off gallivanting when she should be looking after us.


Thoughts on toy mice and people are odd

October 2nd 2013 10:44 pm
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We were having a cosy evening in. I had been in the garden so was dozing and mum was lobbing balls out of the toy box for Josie to chase. Then mum picked out a toy mouse and shuddered.

"Funny how these aren't cute any more," she commented and dropped it back in the box. But too late - for Josie had seen the fur. Quick as a mouse herself she was by mum's side, paw in box, claw extended and the fluffy green mouse was neatly flipped onto the carpet.

Josie then treated us to a re-enactment of what happened in those early hours of Sunday morning. I saw the original of course but I quite enjoyed the performance. My mum looked on bewildered as Josie neatly demonstrated the correct techniques for despatching a mouse.

Mum's face made me laugh.

"Why do you give us toy ones if you aren't hoping we'll practice for real ones?" I asked.

"It's what the pet shop sell," she replied. "Maybe I thought if you had enough toys you wouldn't go out for real ones."

You would think she never had cats before but she assures me she has been trained by a fine succession of cats. I don't think I will ever quite understand her. Luckily I don't need to.


Mum time

October 1st 2013 10:43 pm
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My mum was late home but she came back laden with boxes of our kitty food so we forgave her.

"and kitty treats?" I asked hopefully.

"And kitty treats" she assured me.

So we had our supper and then I sat by my mum and had my head and tummy rubbed and then we played with the lasar pointer and Da Bird so it was a pretty perfect evening all in all.

"Time for bed,"she announced.

"OK," I said running to the cat door. "Sleep well. I'll see you later."

But in unexpectedly cruel twist the door was locked.

"Why now Toby?" she asked me. "You could have been out all evening so why do you want to go out now?"

"You've been fun to be with,"I replied. "No offence but you're pretty dull when you sleep."

Despite the validity of my argument I wasn't allowed out. She is mean.

I had planned a good run this morning to make up for it but Josie was out first and shot straight back in.

"Was it the scary thing that cannot be named?" I asked, slightly nervously.

"No,"said Josie giving herself a slight shake. "It's raining like mum's shower is the whole sky."

That is a lot of wet so I'm staying snugglied with my mum in the dry.


Escaping food

September 30th 2013 10:35 pm
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Like most cats I do get pretty excited at dinner-time. I hear the rustle of the sachet and wonder - What will it be? Last night's was really good.

I ate all the big chunks and then started on the little ones and the gravy. Lick, lick, licketty, lick. But as I reached the edges a terrible thing happened.

My bowl started edging away from me.

Naturally I followed it, licking more of my tasty dinner - and it happened again. My bowl wandered half-way across the kitchen floor and started sneaking under a sideboard.

Now I expect mice and birds to run but kitty chunks are normally a more sedentary meal.

So I switched to Josie's bowl which was better behaved.

When my mum came in and saw what had happened she picked the bowl up and looked at it.

"Tell it off!" I demanded.

She held it up and looked under it.

"Its feet have come off," she announced. Normally feet make things move but some of our bowls have rubber feet that stop them sliding as we eat.

The million dollar question is - did mum not know my dinner would be slipping away from me or is this ongoing revenge for the traumatic mouse incident?


I caught a mouse

September 29th 2013 10:46 pm
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Oh yes! I am a mighty and fearsome hunter.

My mum said she had a tiring week and on Saturday she said she would take the day easy and relax. Being a thoughtful cat I decided I knew just what would help perk her up. I went out in the garden and found a mouse for her and ran back in with it.

She was so excited; she jumped up and squealed and I thought to myself if she was that excited by just seeing the mouse how much even better it would be when she saw the next part. I put him down and off the mouse ran. Oh the excitement as mum and I tried to catch him again.

Then my mum said, "I can't do this" and to be fair her screams were hurtung my ears a bit. We were in the bedroom at this point so she shut me and the mouse in the bedroom and told me she wasn't letting me out until it was dead.

After a few minutes it squeezed under the door so that wasn't mum's best plan. Luckily for me she had left the window open so I jumped out and round and wandered back in the sitting room.

"Have you seen my mouse?"


"Don't worry - it will turn up."

And turn up it did. As soon as I was able to grabbed it again and ran to give it back to my mum so she could have another go at mouse-chasing for herself. I dropped it in front of her and off it went. More squealing and not so much in the way of hunting.

"What shall I do?" she asked.

"You need a little more willingness to go down to the mouse- level. You'll get this in no time," I assured her.

Apparently that wasn't the answer she was looking for. She went out and when she came back she had bought a mouse-trap. A humane one.

"I didn't know you cared about the mousie," I commented.

"I don't. I just don't trust you two not to poke your inquisitive paws where you shouldn't. This one can't hurt you," she replied.

Despite many efforts the mouse was not caught before bed-time, not by us and not by the mouse trap. When my mum went to bed she made me promise not to bring the mouse to her if I caught it while she slept. I was settling down on my chair for some well-earned rest myself so was happy to make that promise.

It was actually Josie who caught the mouse in the night but she played too roughly and killed it. I watched it all from my chair; mum could only hear and I think that was enough for her from the look of horror on her face.

In the morning she found the little body.

"Josie," she called. "Where is the other half?"

But Joise couldn't remember. It had all been rather over-exciting. She never killed anything before.

So all in all a very exciting weekend for us. And I was a Diary Pick which was the cherry on the top of one of my favourite weekends ever. Mum said it was one of her least favourites but I think that's because she was shown up as the worst hunter in the family. Humane mouse trap indeed!!


My mum balded me

September 26th 2013 10:36 pm
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It was a couple of days ago I was enjoying a quiet wash when she said, "What's that on your side?" and poked me. I looked and could see I had brushed up against something. There was a clump of fur that was sort of gummed together.

"I'll get to it," I assured her. I don't like to mess with my washing routine. But when I did I didn't like the texture on my tongue so I left it.

Yesterday mum noticed it again and asked me if I would like her to fix it. I said I was perfectly happy to wait for the hairs to grow out. Did she listen? She did not.

I was snoozing when I heard this terrible snippety-snip sound. I leapt up and saw the pair of nail scissors in one of mum's hands and my fur in the other. "You're cutting me to pieces!"

"I was removing the lump of fur. Look! It's all gone." She held up my poor fur in the clump it had become.

"I am bald there now. All the cats will laugh at me," I grumbled.

"You are not. I was very careful to only trim where I had to. I don't think anyone could see where I did it.".

We both examined my clump but can't work out what I had picked up. Maybe I am better off without it.

On an unrelated note - when is too old to climb curtains? I was up them last night and mum says I am too old to be doing that but if it's still funny I should still do it I reckon.


Indoors can be good

September 25th 2013 10:36 pm
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My mum was late home yesterday - something about an after-work event - and it was already dark when she got back. She said she had something for us but I just wanted out so out I went.

Then I saw it. I will not describe what I saw for fear kittens read this and are too scared to sleep ever again. Suffice to say I legged it back to the safety of home as fast as I could and when my mum saw me she laughed and said she had never seen my fur as raised as it was then.

Then Josie wanted to see it too. Mum was surprised when she asked to go out. "Are you sure? Look at Toby." But Josie was sure. Until she saw it too and came hurtling back, tail like a bottle brush.

Mum peered through the curtains but couldn't see the terror that lurked in our garden last night.

Anyway it turned out OK as what mum had for us was a large and sturdy cardboard box. We took turns in jumping in and defending the fort and we played tag and we had a pretty marvellous evening in the end.

Maybe home can be the best place after all!


When you aren't happy..

September 24th 2013 10:38 pm
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Yesterday my mum went to work like normal but to our surprise came back at lunchtime. She said she had been at a training event.

"what did you learn?" I asked.

"How to let people know if you aren't happy with what they are doing," she replied.

"Ah yes. Whacky Paw," I commented.

"Strangely enough, Whacky Paw wasn't mentioned."

That is indeed strange. There is much art in the correct application of corrective paw and I thought she might have studied correct angle and level of force and when to use claw. (Personally I think a first tap should be without but if they've ignored that then I do use claws and they've only themselves to blame. Josie says claws are for emergencies only.)

Then my mum went to work for the afternoon. In the evening as I wasn't sure just what she would have learned I decided to be careful and I came in early and stayed in so she could have the early night she had promised herself. I did ask to go out as she started brushing her teeth but she said, "You are joking," and I tried to pretend I was.

As we had all gone to bed early Josie and I woke up early too but amused ourselves with a quiet game of tag until mum woke up. (Mum says correction - got up. She couldn't sleep through the tag game but I think she had enough sleeps.)


I did it again

September 23rd 2013 10:35 pm
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When my mum gets home from line dancing Josie and I usually pop out of the front door as she opens it to come inside. We have a few minutes mooching then come and have a snack before bed. Last night Josie mooched and then in but I stayed out. My mum came out and called me and then advanced towards me.

I was quick as anything. I dashed past her and was over the gate before she could do anything. She managed to grab my legs but my silky fur just slid through her fingers.

"Why you little monkey!" she shouted but I've checked and I'm still a cat. Our back garden is dark and filled with good places to hide and holes in fences to slip through so we both knew I had won.

I was merciful and didn't stay out quite so late this time and this morning I haven't gone out. I've stayed with her giving her lots of headrubs and purrs.

"You are in when I want you out and out when I want you in," she grumbled. I know! Cats are just so cool!!

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