Toby's Diary

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A naughty ghost attacked my mum

March 24th 2014 11:50 pm
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I didn't see this, I only heard about it. I was nowhere near the scene at the time, nowhere near at all.

Mum was on the sofa watching TV when she felt something grab her elbow, something sharp. She looked down but could see nothing. Most odd. Maybe she had imagined it. She heard a little chuckle, then her elbow grabbed again and a distinct bite but there was nothing to see.

Moments later I appeared.

"What's up?" I asked, seeing mum rub her elbow. She gave me a grumpy look. "I think you have some explaining to do, young man," she said.

"Did you actually see a cat bite you?" I asked. She had to admit that she hadn't. "So it must have been a ghost," I said, "I'm sorry I missed that."

Hee Hee! Did you guess? It was me all along. I had squiggled myself under the throw so every last bit of fur was concealed and attacked mum's elbow from under my cloak of invisibility.

This was too good a jape to keep to myself so I woke her up bright and early this morning. She reckons she knew all along but I don't see how she could have. I love being a cat!!


The sky threw stones at us

March 23rd 2014 11:37 pm
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Josie and I were innocently enjoying ourselves pootling about in the garden when...ouch..ouch...and ouchier. The sky was pelting us, not with rain which is bad enough, but with stones.

We both ran as fast as we could to the door. I reached it first and was frantically scrabbling to be let in while Josie muttered behind me.

Luckily mum came fast and she looked out. "Gosh," she said. Gosh indeed!
Then "That's big hail-stones," she said.

"What's hail-stones?" I asked, watching them fly down in the garden from the safety of the back of my armchair.

"Ice," said my mum and sure enough as fast as they landed they melted.

The only ice I like is ice cream and I'm not allowed that as my tummy doesn't like it as much as my mouth does. If they sky threw ice cream down that would be great but ice, that's no use to anyone.

Luckily it didn't last long and the sun came back. I hope it never hails again.


What's in the box?

March 20th 2014 11:39 pm
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On Wednesday as well as all her rushing around my mum brought home a box from work. This box had a lid on so we couldn't see inside but we had a good sniff.

"Don't worry," said my mum, "it's empty. I'm going to put all the stray cables in it."

While she was at work yesterday we started to get curious. Was it really empty? Could a cat be hiding in there? Or food, maybe mum had filled it with treats while we weren't looking.

There is nothing that can come between a couple of persistent cats and their goal. It took us a while, we had to knock the box on its side and tug and pull and twist and the box ended up half-way across the room but we got that lid off.

Josie jumped in straight away. "It's not empty," she reported. "It's full of space."

I laughed, "and now it's full of cat." We had a lot of fun with that box and decorated it with our claw and teeth marks so it would be fully ours.

When mum came home she scooped it up and put the lid back on. "Can't you two leave anything alone?" she asked. That is good as it means we get to open it and drag it round again while mum is at work today. Mum said we're breaking it and she'll have to bring home another. This box is the gift that keeps on giving!


Weak-willed Josie

March 19th 2014 11:47 pm
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When mum came home yesterday from work she didn't hang her coat up like normal. She threw it on a chair, gave us our supper and said, "I'm not home for long. I'm out for a meal tonight."

This did not please us. She never brings us back anything and she should really stay home and scritch our heads and entertain us, that's what she should do. So Josie had a bright idea. She jumped up on to mum's coat and made herself all snuggly and comfy. Everyone knows you can't move a sleeping cat and without her coat mum would have to stay home. Nice one Josie!

So mum's time to leave came and she looked at Josie and Josie did an excellent little snuggle and contented sigh like she was the most contented cat in Contented City and mum still looked at her and the coat lying beneath Josie and you could feel the thinking. Human versus cat, who would win?

Then mum cheated. The treats drawer. Obviously I went straight away for mine as soon as I heard that enticing slidey sound and the rustle of bag but I wasn't the one on the coat.

"Hold firm," I called to Josie. Or would have done if I hadn't been cruching down cheese and chicken pockets.

"Woudl you like some?" called my mum. "They're your favourite," and she scrinkled the bag.

Weak-willed Josie hardly even put up a fight and over she came for her treats. A handful each and mum grabbed her coat and was off.

We need a new plan!


Letters for me

March 18th 2014 11:43 pm
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Most days the postie pushes bits of paper through our door and there they stay until mum comes home and mostly she picks them up and sighs but yesterday there was something arrived that caught our eye.

Josie can't read so well but some things she can recognise.

"That's a picture of a cat on that package," she said, "Read it to me Toby, what does it say?"

I can read very well of course but I didn't want to spoil the surprise so I said we would leave it until mum came home.

Mum smiled when she saw it. "It's a free sample of new cat biscuits." I jumped up to my biscuit bowl expectantly. I knew that was what it was of course.

"We'll finish the box you have and then try them," mum said. That wasn't my plan.

Then she opened her other letters. "Hm. Council tax bill. And - oh Toby - this is for you too."

She waved the paper at me.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, it's a cheque."

I sniffed it. "Still not getting you."

"Remember I had all that trouble with the car insurers last year?"

Not really but I nodded to get on to the part about me.

"They've sent me £75 to say sorry and £75 is more or less the cost of a microchip cat flap so that's what we're getting with this."

I considered this. "What's one of them?"

"You'll be able to come in and out even without a collar on. You'll love it."

This is indeed good news but we don't get it today apparently. Mum has to take the cheque to the bank and she isn't sure when she'll do that. But do it she will and I'll have a new cat flap and no more getting mum out of the shower to come home. I don't know which of us is more pleased.


Who barfs best?

March 17th 2014 11:33 pm
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We have enjoyed eating the grass, it's chewy and tasty. Then it makes our tummies feel funny than ack,ack,ack - out it comes and we feel really good. Then there's the entertainment value of watching mum say "yeuch" and clean it up.

So who could find the best spot? We both think we won this particular contest.

Josie barfed over a pack of playing cards. She got enough that they had to be thrown away. That is pretty good but me, I ran to the back of the sofa and managed to get four different cushions so although there was no total destruction of anything it was quite a bit for mum to clean up.

Mum says couldn't we stay out with the grass but where would the fun be in that?


Being brave cats

March 16th 2014 11:45 pm
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Summer came back at the weekend and Josie and I were looking forward to a repeat of last weekend - bug hunting, sunbathing, generally being happy cats all round.

But then my mum started moving things out of the kitchen again. I hope this isn't her new hobby. I preferred the card-making.

Then that man came again and he lined the whole kitchen in plastic sheeting. Josie and I ran for safety under mum's bed. What if he decided to wrap us in plastic too? We were pretty sure we wouldn't like that.

We cowered listening out and heard odd noises - but not bangs. Hm. Then Josie said, "I wonder if mum is OK" and we thought maybe she wasn't and maybe was as worried about being wrapped in plastic as we were. So we crept out and found her. She was sitting in her armchair so we went to sit on the back of it to guard her. No-one wraps my mum in plastic!

Mum looked at the two of us and said, "Ahh - you're in exactly the same position side by side. You look so cute. I'm going to get my camera."

Cute? Cute! How about brave and caring? Cute, my paw. And no, no photos so by the time my mum came back I had moved.

Anyway the good news is that no-one got wrapped in plastic and the man did leave after a few hours. Our kitchen ceiling is all white and we have a new light fitting.

We didn't mind the old one but mum seems happy that all the damage is fixed now.

So we spent the rest of the weekend doing happy sunny things. I love Spring.


Good manners/Bad manners

March 13th 2014 11:41 pm
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I have good manners.

In the morning I jump up on mum's bedside table and say a polite "Good morning". Then I have to say it again louder. Then, in case my mum isn't awake, I prod her gently with a paw and say "Good morning" in her ear.

She looks at the clock and tells me the time, "Toby - it's half-past five" or "It's only a quarter past five" and I start telling her about my dreams and that is good manners.

Normally Josie waits until my mum gets up to emerge from her nest under mum's bed but this morning she had no patience, no patience at all.

I was gradually building up the volume of my meows when Josie slid from under the bed and before I could say anything bounced right on mum's tummy. That is bad manners.

Mum went "ooof" and then "Toby!" and then she looked at me and saw me exactly where I should be and Josie sniggering from the side of the bed, preparing herself for bounce number two.

Anyway don't feel sorry for my mum. In a way she deserved it. She came home early from work yesterday but just dashed out again saying she was off to a career development event. She has a perfectly good career as a crazy cat lady and Josie and I can give her all the development she needs for that.


Soggy Paws

March 12th 2014 11:52 pm
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So there I was, innocently trotting across the kitchen when...

"Jeepers! Why are my paws wet?"

Mum was at the counter making her packed lunch for work. She looked down at me, darkly.

"You really don't remember?"

"Remember what?" I asked.

She sighed, "What bad thing happened to you on morning patrol today?"

Ah yes. Not what bad thing but what bad cat. There I was checking whether any mice had dared enter my garden when there was a blood-curdling yowl and there was one of the big evil cats who are trying to muscle in on our garden.

I'm a lover not a fighter so I ran to the door but the evil cat was ahead of me. More yowling. Then, oh sweet relief, our special door opened and mum yelled at the cat and I ran in quick-sharp.

"What's that got to do with the water?" I asked.

"What was I wearing when I saved you?"

"Not so much wearing as holding I think but it was a big blue towel. Now you come to mention it that's not what you normally do wear."

It seems that the feline yodels had reached mum while she was in the shower and knowing that I'm not one of life's fighters mum had come straight to my rescue, not pausing to dry.

She loves me really! (Oh - she says she was worried about vet bills but I think she's joking.)


Three year old cats DO climb curtains

March 11th 2014 11:46 pm
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We found out last night. I had so much fun. It's still a bit cold here - turns out Sunday was just a sample of Spring - so I played indoors. I chased Da Bird and I ran and jumped in my Cube and I chased the red dot and I got mum to make me a rug tunnel and she rolled balls down it and I caught them. It was brilliant and yes, up those curtains I went.

Then when I was a tiredy boy Josie started and wanted the red dot and the rug tunnel game too.

Mum said she's fairly sure normal cats find their own entertainment or sleep or stuff but what would she do with her time if we weren't here to occupy her?

I had her up bright and early too.

"Is it my birthday?" I asked her at 5.15, with a gentle paw prod. Then louder when she did that pretending to sleep thing.

"You had that," she muttered and tried to burrow her head into the pillow away from my paws.

I had been hoping that she would have forgotten and we could have another one.

Our job for now is to keep my mum busy anyway as it is Henry's Bridge Day. We see him often and he tells us what adventures he has with all the other Catster Bridge cats - including Ka-Zar now of course - and they are all happy but our mums don't see them and they get sad sometimes as they miss the Bridge cats. Mum's been giving us extra strokes and, as you can see, we've been keeping her away from melancholy.

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