Toby's Diary

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Genius cat

September 12th 2013 10:40 pm
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Mostly when I am outside and I hear my mum calling me I do go in. Sometimes it's funny to run to the little door and then hover just out of reach, giving it a good sniff and listening to her call me, trying to pretend she doesn't mind if I come in or not, only for cats that do there's treats.

And here we come to the important thing. The reason I come in is because I get treats when I do. I am not interested in the "What a good boy!" I run straight to my treat drawer and wait.

Sure enough mum slides the door open, out comes a bag and there are my treats. We both know if it wasn't for the treats I probably wouldn't come.

So there we were last night and mum gave me some chicken Dreamies. I gave them a sniff.

"I don't like those ones."

She looked at me in dismay.

"You did this morning." I could see her brain working overtime. If I didn't get treats I liked would I come when called? She riffled in the drawer again.

"How about a kitty stick?" she broke one up for me. I sniffed it.


More riffling. "How about crunchy fish?"

I sniffed them.

"Your offering is acceptable" and started munching my way through my feast. For this is the genius part. If I had accepted the first option I would just have had the Dreamies, now I had three piles of goodies to work through. Of course I love chicken dreamies - along with kitty sticks and crunchy fish. I gobbled up the lot.

Josie, who is generally to be found within a few feet of my mum, doesn't get three little heaps of treats (although she did get some.) That is what makes me a genius cat!


A fearsome noise

September 11th 2013 10:38 pm
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Josie and I were both snoozing last night and my mum was sitting on the sofa playing with her gadget.

"Oh cool!" she muttered. "Lots of different restful noises."

We heard Babbling Brook, Ocean Wave, Forest Walk and enormous rumble filled the room.

The largest cat in the world was with us and he was purring. Josie and I both woke up instantly and were looking all around. Where was this noisy purrer? Why was he so happy? A cat that purred so loudly had to be gigantic but there was not so much as a whisker in sight. Was there an enormous invisible cat on mum's lap?

I would not like such a flat-mate. You cannot sleep with such thoughts in your mind.

Then my mum noticed us both and said, "Sorry. Looks like Purring Cat won't be one of my restful sounds."

She tapped her gadget and it stopped. It was just a noise in the machine.

I shot her a fierce look and settled back down to sleep. Why does she need a machine that purrs when she has me and Josie? She is so thoughtless sometimes.


My mad sisfur

September 10th 2013 10:38 pm
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Despite the rain I did go out yesterday evening. I need my running about. So does Josie but she won't set paw outside on a cold, wet evening.

When I came in all the evidence was there. Toys in stray corners, a pile of fishing rods by my mum and they had moved on to bubbles. Josie was sitting in front of the TV waving her paws around as my mum blew them at her across the room. Josie loves to chase bubbles. I don't trust them. They appear out of nowhere and they disappear just as suddenly.

I was watching them go - from a safe distance - when my mum called, "Toby - watch out!"

"Wha..?" I started to say when thwack! a flash of tortie fur and a gleeful "Tag! You're it." Off Josie ran. I was split seconds behind her.

We played tag for ages while my mum watched us and laughed. Sometimes I love my crazy sisfur.

All really tired at bedtime so I took the prime place of snoozing on my mum. I had forgotten how deliciously warm she is. I still miss summer but winter may be alright after all.


Big fur cat

September 9th 2013 10:39 pm
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My garden is obviously my territory that I let Josie share. On the left garden belongs to the cats who live there. On the right no cat lives. Actually it really should be mine on account of the hole in our fence through which I enter it.

Yesterday I was there enjoying the hunting when I met another cat who seemed to be under the impression it was his territory. I fluffed up every hair on my body so he would know who he was messing with and very strong language was exchanged.

Then I heard our back door open and my mum call, "Toby! Toby! Are you alright?" She couldn't see us as we were the other side of the fence but she had heard the unmistakable sound of cats in argument. I looked at my adversary. "I'll be back. My mum needs me."

I slipped through the hole in the fence and we ran indoors together. Mum commented on how big my fur was. I was an impressive sight - an impressive sight with one thought in his head.

"Where are my treats?" I wanted to know.


"You called. I came. Treats." It's an immutable law. The only reason I come when called.

"I thought I was rescuing you. Wasn't that enough?" she asked.

I hovered by the door where the treats live, yowling and flicking my tail. She sighed and gave in. Yummy.

I haven't seen the cat since. I expect he was scared off by my impressive display of fur. It's a neat trick us cats have, being able to double in size at will. My mum says when Josie was a kitten she would get so excited playing that her tail would fluff. That sounds like my crazy sisfur!


It has rained

September 8th 2013 10:37 pm
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I really thought Josie and I had cracked the everlasting summer thing but it seems not. I do not like to get my fur wet and I let my mum know in no uncertain terms what I thought of this development.

She said it was rather lovely to see more of me. She completely missed the point.

Josie hates rain even more than I do but is very good at making up her own games to play indoors. I heard my mum walk in the bedroom and say, "That is not how I left it." She had stripped the bed leaving just a blanket and Josie had been playing a lively game of 'What's under the blanket?' There is nothing under the blanket except Josie's paws but her imagination fills in the rest and the blanket that had been smoothly laid out was now in a complete tumble.

That made my mum laugh and grab a feather stick so there would really be something for Josie to chase and I joined in too. Later we all gathered on the sofa and watched a film and maybe rain isn't quite so bad when you have a cosy indoors to enjoy.


Stealthy cat

September 5th 2013 10:32 pm
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I was mooching about yesterday, seeing what life had to offer when I came upon my mum in the sitting room doing one of those odd human things.

Cats are, of course, borned perfect looking as wonderful as anything can look. We're done and ready to go. Humans need more work.

My mum was painting pink on her toes. I got a sudden whiff of the pink stuff which is very whiffy. I froze in my tracks. Had my mum spotted me? I thought I had been lucky, maybe not. Very gently I started taking big steps backwards.

Mum looked up at me and laughed.

"Why are you doing that Toby?"

Drat - she had seen me. I had been trying to discreetly slide away before she saw me and maybe got some idea that she might paint my claws pink. I would not like that. Not at all.

She promised me she wouldn't but I wasn't going near her until that bottle of pink was safely back in its box. Mum rubbed my head and told me I'm peculier. Better that than pink I say.


My foolish mum

September 4th 2013 10:29 pm
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Yesterday my mum had a man with her when she came in from work. He went to the cupboard with the boiler in and asked my mum what the problem was.

My mum explained that when the new meter got fitted she had turned the gas supply off just for a second which put the pilot light out. Since she re-lit it there's been no hot water.

He took the front off the boiler and got his tools out and started tapping and poking. After a while he said, "I think I know what the problem is."

Mum looked at him with trepidation. Would it be an expensive one?

"What did you do when you re-lit the pilot light?" he asked.

Mum thought back. "I followed the instructions. I put the boiler on standby, pressed the gas switch and then hit the ignition button until the light came on. I held the gas switch down for twenty seconds and then slowly released."

"And the standby switch?"

Mum thought again and a horrible realisation hit her. "I left on standby." She considered the implication of this. "So I got you here to switch my boiler from standby to on."

And this is pretty much true. He said he would service the boiler while he was there and check everything was working OK so she would be ready for winter (for he does not realise Josie and I have wished for an everlasting summer) but I think my mum did feel rather foolish.

I had a letter from Laura Belle yesterday too and they have been badly affected by the Rim Fire which is making them cough and nearly have to be evacuated. Please can we all purr for the brave firefighters working so hard to keep everyone safe and that the fire will soon be put out? It sounds very extremely scary.


Josie proves my point

September 3rd 2013 10:33 pm
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I didn't see this but my mum told me about it.

Yesterday my mum came home grumpy. She was muttering about problems with her car but they weren't very interesting so out I went to pursue the far more interesting pastime of hunting.

Josie likes to stay with mum when I go out and have some girl time. One of Josie's favourite games involves a little cat height table. Mum puts a pen or something like that on it and firmly tells Josie that's where she wants it to stay. Josie pretends to agree and then scoots past and knocks the thing off. Mum pretends to be annoyed and puts it back, Josie knocks it off and they can spend hours doing that.

Josie was at the table trying to get mum's attention but mum was grumpy so was ignoring her. Luckily Josie is possessed of a vivid imagination so pretended there were things to knock. Then she jumped on the table and looked all over and a-ha! What is that dangling off it? But as she chased the dangle it moved. She turned around and there it was again. She managed to catch it this time and gave it a good lick.

For yes, perched on the little table my sisfur was chasing her own tail as if she was a kitten. She kept going until my mum could be grumpy no longer and had to laugh and then Josie climbed on her lap and purred. Success!

My mum can be hard work to look after but we think she's worth it.


A strange and bizarre creature

September 2nd 2013 10:33 pm
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I love summer. I love the sun stroking my fur and warming me up so I feel all happy and melty. I wish it was always summer and Josie and I have been wishing extra hard this year and I think we may have done it.

It may be September but we are still enjoying warm, sunshiny days. My mum had left the curtains drawn back when she went to work yesterday and by the time she got home our flat was rather too hot.

She opened the back doors and we were off, out on our adventures. When I needed a biscuit break I came back in, a somewhat fiddly process as mum had then drawn the curtains over the door so I had push my way under them.

I had some biscuits and I was telling my mum about the things I had seen and done outside when I noticed a bulge in the curtain. Something was trying to get it. The bulge moved. I was quick to act.

"I will save you from this strange and bizarre creature," I cried, giving it a good tap with my paw.

"I'm pretty sure that's Josie," replied my mum.

"Just what I said, a strange and bizarre creature!"

It was indeed Josie and she just ran her bluge along the curtain and came in another way so we still have her. She is a peculier cat and I think may have been dropped as a kitten but whenever I try and expand on that theory mum says I'm not so perfect myself. (I am really!)


Back to work

September 1st 2013 10:32 pm
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Mum's holiday is over now. We were talking last night about what we liked the best about it. Josie's happiest moment was when mum was clearing some shelves and found a polystyrene ball. It belonged to a toy and my mum had put it up high because the cats of the time kept running off with it. She no longer has the toy so she gave Josie the ball and Josie loves it. Only she keeps losing it under things and my mum isn't quite as diligent at finding it as one would hope.

My favourite part was getting to spend so much time outdoors. Mum says she hopes the weather isn't quite so pleasant next time she has holiday as she would like to see a bit more of me.

So today she goes back to her office to tell people stuff and I go back to my job of keeping Josie in line and Josie goes back to her job of interior design, adding her claw marks to paint, furniture etc.

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