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Toby's Diary

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96% Tiger

March 7th 2016 11:07 pm
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Yes, that's me. My mum was watching a programme about cats (her favourite topic of course) and they said cats are 96% tiger.

"Your DNA is," says my mum. Same thing. I always knew that.

We also learned that purring is very good for our bones and general health so my mum must do the things that make me and Josie purr as much as possible. For our health!

Mostly they showed our big cat relatives hunting and my mum wouldn't look but we hunt just the same.

Next week they will explain why cats came to live with peoples. Mum looked at me toasting my face on the radiator and Josie curled up all snuggly on her fleece and said she doesn't think that one is a particularly difficult puzzle.


My birthday

March 6th 2016 10:01 pm
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I woke my mum up on Saturday. "It's the 5th; I am 5 and it's 5am," I told her in great excitement. Strangely enough she wasn't as excited by all those fives as I was.

She didn't even get up to give me my special birthday breakfast.

She went out for the day which was a bit disappointing. To a Scrapbooking Crop.

"Did you do a page about me or about Josie?" I asked her when she got back.

"What makes you think I did either of you?" she replied.

"Knowing you for more than five minutes," I said.

Turns out she had done a page about each of us so I was right. Us five year old cats are pretty awesome and know everything.

My main present was catnip infused crinkle paper that my mum threw for me. I wasn't sure at first but once I got into it I really loved them. Josie got quite skittish too. And I had some ham but I had to share that with Josie as well. It's not her birthday.

But all in all a good day and I think being five is going to be even better than being four which I hadn't realised was possible.


I would not like to meet a dog

March 3rd 2016 10:16 pm
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Mum was sponging down her coat yesterday, washing off what looked like enormous paw prints.

"They look like enormous paw prints," I commented.

"They are," she said.

I knew she had been with a dog. He had slobbered all over her and left a doggy smell. They had gone for a walk and he had jumped up at her a few times with his big enormous muddy paws.

"This is why you have cats," I said. "We are so much more refined."

Josie slightly undermined my argument by choosing exactly that moment to come haring in at 90 miles an hour, see us, do an exaggerated double-take and zoom off in the opposite direction.

"But at least she doesn't leave paw prints on your coat."

Mum looked at the arm of the sofa, where I had left a dainty pattern of my foot prints. "Mine are works of art," I said swiftly.

Seeing my mum about to argue I moved the conversation on. "What are you getting me for my birthday?"

For yes, indeed, all can celebrate. I turn exactly five years old tomorrow. I cannot wait to see what fun being five is.


I was good

March 1st 2016 10:04 pm
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Not everything was.

At 9am, when the call was due, I curled up, put my head down and prepared to be quiet.

At 9.05 mum said, "Why hasn't he rung?" and looked at her phone.

"Off! How can it be off? How have I been so foolish?"

She turned it on and was looking at it, trying to work out what was best to do when It switched itself off again. She turned it on. It turned itself off. Plenty of charge; just not in the mood it would seem.

Happily her interviewer understood when they made contact and they talked for ages and mum's phone has behaved perfectly ever since. It certainly chose its moment to go weird.

I was good while mum was on the phone. Josie was crazy and mum had to keep throwing toys for her. I think she may be having a second kitten-hood. Mum says she's a bit young for that but Josie was a full grown cat when I was just a kitten so she's really old I would think.


We must be quiet

February 29th 2016 10:37 pm
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This morning my mum has a telephone interview for a job she wants. She has told me that they want to hear her not me and I must be quiet when they phone.

I have lots of very valid opinions so cannot guarantee that. I think it will be Ok as long as I stay off my favourite topic - the many shortcomings of my mum!

Then my mum said if I'm not careful she'll shut me out while she talks but we both know that's not going to happen. Out is Ok but we are seeing rather too much of next door's cats lately and it's bad enough sharing with Josie. I don't like to share with them too.


Our weekend

February 28th 2016 10:13 pm
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It's all a bit different with mum not working. On Friday evening she looks at the phone and sighs and says 'Maybe next week will be the one." Then on Monday morning she's all revved up again. "This week - I'm determined."

We rather like having her around so are in no hurry for her to work again.

We mostly played indoors as we had all next door's three cats in our garden. That kitten of theirs is no respecter of boundaries. This is when I'm glad to have Josie as she is someone to play tag with. Even if she is a bit crazy.


Helping my mum

February 25th 2016 10:32 pm
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My mum has kept applying for jobs but she doesn't hear back very much.

Yesterday an agency phoned her about a job that she hadn't applied for and they were talking.

"Yes, I do this...and I do that... hm...the job doesn't sound like what I do. What's the salary?"

I have learned that word. The salary is how many kitty treats mum can buy so we want it to be lots. I piped up to suggest mum asked for lots and lots.

She carried on talking, ignoring me which was quite rude. I called out again.

"Yes, sorry, that's my cat," I heard her say as she walked away from me. I followed calling out my suggestions for how much she should be asking for.

Mum explained later that she isn't sure how helpful my meows are. I would think the best employers would say that my mum having cats proves how awesome she is and employ her right away.


An argument

February 24th 2016 10:30 pm
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I came in to find Josie and my mum arguing.

"No," said my mum firmly, "I am not wearing your bed. This is mine."

Josie studied mum's fleece closely and I had to agree that she had a point. Josie, that is. The garment in question was clearly labelled as Josie's, with some black, some white and some orange fur.

Josie wanted to sleep on her cosy furry bed. Mum wanted to wear her fleece.

Happily a solution was reached - mum lay down with her book, Josie curled up on her so she got fleece plus mum and life doesn't get much better than that for my tortie sisfur. There were lots of purrs.


My angel and my demon

February 23rd 2016 10:17 pm
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Yesterday was sunny so I went outside for a while. When I came back in I couldn't see Josie.

"Where is she?" I asked.

Mum smiled. "Where do you think?"

It was pretty cold so then I knew exactly where she was. Under the throw on the armchair in her den. I jumped up on the arm of the chair and sniffed the throw. Oh yes - definitely one tortie cat was sleeping under that throw.

Then my naughty demon wondered what it would be like if I jumped on her. She would have no idea what had happened - it would be very funny. But my good angel said not to and leave her be. They argued while I waited to see what I would do. Naughty looked like winning - I even got as far as lifting a paw to smack the lump that was Josie.

Then my angel got reinforcements. "Toby!" said my mum. Not a nice, happy, pleased to see you 'Toby' like sometimes. More a do what I think you're about to do and there'll be trouble kind of 'Toby'.

Angel Toby won, I left Josie sound asleep never knowing what nearly happened and I jumped up on the back of the chair for my snooze.

Mum says virtue is its own reward but I'm hoping for something a little more tangible next time she's in the treat aisle, something to encourage my angel for next time.


We love boxes

February 22nd 2016 10:39 pm
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And mum brought loads back yesterday. Awesome!! The best bit was when my mum got the first one emptied. Josie jumped in and I batted the flaps and mum came to see how we were making so much noise. So Josie jumped out and I chased her and then she chased me and mum laughed.

I asked if she was sad when she said goodbye to her colleagues. She said they helped her carry her boxes and bags to her car. One lad put a box down and suddenly gasped. Mum thought he had pulled a muscle with the weight of all the books and was very worried. Then he admitted the truth - as he bent his knees to put the box down there was an ominous ripping sound.

His trousers had split right where he didn't want them to split.

Mum said it's hard to stay serious and sad when everyone's laughing.

And now she is ours, all ours. No excuse not to play when we want to play, snuggle when we want to snuggle, it's all good!

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