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Toby's Diary

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Josie batted me

February 14th 2016 10:34 pm
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I am Top Cat. Of course! If there's any batting to be done I do it.

Josie was sitting on my mum's legs and I wanted to get past them on the sofa. I carefully placed my feet where there was no Josie and as I walked past..bat, bat, bat. Josie smacking the back of my legs, and not just once.

"Was that a good idea?" mum asked her as I turned round and gave that tortie my fiercest glare.

Josie just sat there and looked smug. I remembered where she was - on mum's lap, a mum that doesn't like us fighting. Josie was safe from reprisal.

For now. I won't forget this.


Different voices

February 11th 2016 11:24 pm
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Every time the phone rings my mum puts her special voice - could this be a possible employer about one of the jobs she has applied for?

Then her voice changes, "No - there was no-one in the car when it was hit. There were no injuries to anyone at all. Why are you people still calling me? It was two and a half years ago."

And the applications keep going in.

I have different voices too and having my mum around more makes me realise just how much training she needs. My 'I would like my head scritched' meow is nothing like my 'Open the door and let me out' which is nothing like my 'I would like a snack." Yet she continually gets them mixed up.

Don't worry - I am using these days wisely and working on intensive training. I call her. She says "What do you want this time?". She works it out and hopefully remembers the intonation that related to that particular order.

I can't say we're being very successful but I am a patient teacher.



February 10th 2016 10:26 pm
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Yesterday my mum got up, got dressed and went to work. That's awkward. I wondered when she would realise that she doesn't work there any more. Hopefully before she walked in the office.

She was gone almost all day and Josie and I nearly starved. We've got used to her being around.

Turns out she had gone in for a couple of hours to sort a few things out and ended up staying longer than planned. She says she technically still works there until the end of the month.

The good news was that she brought back a big box of books and some bags of stuff and it all smelled really interesting. Josie and I had a good investigate and then played a brilliant game of tag. Josie is very annoying but sometimes I like having her around.


They lied..

February 9th 2016 10:31 pm
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My mum was so happy with Josie's fur growing back that she announced we would have more Feliway. There followed a session on her puter where she worked out where it was cheapest and an order was sent.

I noticed something very important. "They have toys too. We don't have many toys. Maybe we could have a new one. With catnip!"

So mum kindly added a catnip toy for us to the order.

It arrived yesterday. Fresh Feliway to keep Josie happy and a catnip toy for me. Only it wasn't.

I gave it a good sniff. Nope. No catnip there. Josie sniffed it. Not a hint of the herb. Mum sniffed it. "I can smell something."

"Not catnip." I love the nip. It makes me go all crazy and happy. This ..well, it just didn't.

Mum held out the label. "Look - it says catnip." They lied. There are certain brands that we know are good and we must stick to those brands. A valuable lesson for my mum albeit a disappointing one for me.


Not a happy household

February 8th 2016 10:44 pm
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Yesterday my mum decided to do some sorting out in the spare room. It's where things go when she can't decide what to do with them and they accumulate rather. And her craft stuff is in there. And our tray. As it happens.

She came out, holding one of her albums by the corner.

"Which disgusting cat peed on this?"

From her tone I would say Josie. It wasn't a happy tone. Then I remembered.

"Which stupid human bought the wrong kitty litter?"

She's been mixing it with the good stuff and thinking that will fool us. It hasn't. I am extremely particular about my kitty litter.

Mum gave me that look and went and got her rubber gloves and disinfectant and operation clean up started. She really should be grateful to me... I mean I helped her make sure it was a really thorough clean.


Kittens can be naughty

February 7th 2016 10:42 pm
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On Friday my mum went off all smart for her interview. She came back and immediately scruffed down and she was talking about what happened.

"Did you tell them about us?" I wanted to know.

"Strangely that didn't come up," said my mum. Weird interview.

Just as we were settling down to watch a film there was a knock on the door. It was Victoria from next door. Had we seen Maurice? He had got out that morning and hadn't been seen since. Mum had not so she and Victoria went in our garden and looked and called but there was no sign of him.

A couple of years ago I went off and had a terrifying adventure and was gone all day and Josie said that my mum was in pieces so she knew how bad Victoria must be feeling - and was really hoping that Maurice would come back home just like I did.

And so he did. Some hours later. Now when I was gone - well, it was terrible. I returned home with the demeanour of one who has feared for his very life. For indeed I had. I had wondered if I would ever see home again.

Maurice, well, it wasn't quite like that. More the nonchalant stroll of a cat who has been enjoying exploring and is now ready for a hearty supper. They were torn between happy to see him and annoyed that he had put them through so much. He has a lot of purring to do to make it up to everybody!!


I like what I like

February 4th 2016 11:00 pm
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My mum was eating something yesterday afternoon. I jumped up on the arm of the sofa and looked at her enquiringly.

"It's a scone. You wouldn't like it," she said.

I sniffed the air. "I would."

"It's Josie who eats weird stuff, you like meat mostly. This isn't meat," she said.

I persisted. "It smells good."

When she had finished she pushed the plate towards me. "See - you won't like it."

But she was wrong. As she so often is. I licked up every last crumb. I was right. I do like scones. Now I've proved it maybe I'll get a bit more than crumbs next time.

Today my mum has an interview for a job she really wants. I suggested she take along a selection of cold meats for her interviewer. She seems to think that whilst that would work brilliantly with a feline interviewer it would be viewed askance by a person. I don't get people.


Snuggled Josie

February 3rd 2016 10:37 pm
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My mum was out all day yesterday - some trade fair so when she has interviews she can talk the latest talk. We have got used to having her around so missed her.

I think she missed us too. When she came back she sat on the sofa and put a fleece over her lap.

"Josie," she called, softly.

Josie went and settled herself happily on mum's lap. Then mum folded the fleece over Josie so she was all snuggled in, snug as a bug in a rug.

A very contented purr rumbled round the room - not only on mum's warm lap but under cosy fabric. Life doesn't get much better than that for Josie.

This morning I am lying right by mum's side, all over one arm. I may not do laps but I don't want my mum to forget that she has two cats to snuggle!


My leg

February 2nd 2016 10:34 pm
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I was sitting on the arm of the sofa, basking in my mum's adoration and caresses when she suddenly said, "Show me that leg."

I was bemused. "Which leg?"

She pulled back a bit and studied my left hind leg. She touched it. I like being stroked, scritched and generally petted. I do not like to be touched. I pulled my leg away.

"I think you're developing a patch of brown fur. It's not as black as the rest."

My cat mother was a black cat but I never met my father. Judging from my siblings he was tabby. Am I developing a tabby patch in his honour? I have stripes in my black so I might be. I wasn't sure whether that was such a good look but then when you're as awesome as I am you can rock any look.

My mum does have a new suit for her interview but we aren't being allowed near it. I think this would be a good test of a new employer - if they don't like cat hair then my mum probably wouldn't like working for them. Mum is unwilling to test that theory.


Josie likes popcorn

February 1st 2016 10:48 pm
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My mum had forgotten that. She made a bowl for watching TV with and was happily munching away when Josie pushed her head in the bowl and started licking.

"Josie!", said my mum when she realised. "Ugh! I don't want that bit now," and she gave it to Josie who crunched it down and went back for more. So mum gave Josie a few more pieces which made her laugh until she realised that popcorn probably isn't ideal for cats and stopped. Much to Josie's chagrin.

The job hunting went on yesterday. Mum looks at the name of the company and has a look at what they do etc on their website "Composite flooring - yes, reckon I could work there. Although I thought people glazed over enough when I tell them I work in insurance. Composite flooring would really be a conversation stopper."

She's looking at so many different companies on her puter she's getting a really odd mixture of pop-up ads.

The good news is that someone wants to meet her so today she's off to buy a new suit. If she really wanted to impress them she should wear her furry fleece with the cat head hoodie but I suppose she wants to give the other candidates a chance.

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