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Hilda at Large

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So This Is 2007?

January 12th 2007 2:00 pm
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After returning from my weekend stay at the vet office, I created a fabulous diary entry. The best one ever. Good enough to bring tears to my eyes.

Three days later I reread it and couldn’t understand a word of it. Elvin’s claims that the humans drugged me are proving true.

That might explain why I challenged my sister Hetty Miep to a thumb wrestling contest when we don’t even have thumbs. Anyway, Hetty Miep is mad at me now for backing out of the contest. She was apparently working on getting sponsors and finding a venue for the big event. Sometimes she really scares me.

As reality sets in, I realize that I now have a large patch of hair missing on my side from the pain patch, and I no longer have any hair on my backside (as in not even one tiny little tuft of fur). It’s like I’m walking around naked.


Action Kitty!

July 27th 2006 7:39 pm
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I see on Catster's Diary Central page that I am "active." H. and A. are always encouraging me to exercise more (although H. is very senstive about anyone calling me hefty, large, overweight, or *shudder* fat!). I hadn't realized that being on Catster counts as a form of exercise. What a relief! Chasing (or rather, strolling) after those balls can really get exhausting.


You better get some more salmon treats out for me. I'm going to need more protein to keep up with all of this exercise.



July 25th 2006 6:28 pm
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Well, the entourage didn't work act as I'd hoped it would. For starters, Elvin didn't make reservations at the Spa like I'd instructed him to do. Instead, Hetty Miep and I ended up going to visit Aunt Dr. O (ie, the V-E-T)!! Then Hetty Miep's evil twin came out and she terrorized everyone (including Aunt Dr. O.). Later, Garp pushed me out of the way and ate my food.

So I had to let them all go.

I waited until after dinner and then dropped the bomb: "You're all FIRED!!" I shouted.

Elvin and Garp just walked away. Hetty Miep licked the empty food bowls. They did a pretty good job of covering what must have been a devastating blow.

That just leaves me with my normal entourage: A. and H. I have to share them with my siblings but they've proven to be reliable. And they pay ME!



July 16th 2006 8:52 am
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It's official--I'm famous! I'm sure that's what all of those phone calls and emails this morning were about. Most likely reporters wanting to know what my next step is now that I've been named a daily diary pick. For starters, I will be going for a spa tomorrow evening instead of visiting Aunt Dr. O. Apparently my sister Hetty Miep will still be coming along too. I really didn't want her to come along (everything tends to be about Hetty Miep when she's around) but I guess it's good to remember the little people when you get famous (something about it "keeping me grounded").

Hmm, that reminds me: I'm going to need some more members for my entourage. Of course, I'll have H. and A. to clean out my litter box and feed me. And I'll have to include my brothers so that they don't write some tell-all book or sell info. to the gossip rags. But I'm going to need some other individuals to perform those special star-worthy tasks for me: providing me full body massages, feeding me individual salmon treats, brushing my luxurious locks, provocatively dangling Squeeker in front of me, chasing Squeeker for me when I get exicted. Whew! The list goes on and on. I hadn't realized how tiring being a star is!


Ebay Newbie

July 13th 2006 7:13 am
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My brother Elvin, who also had a tooth extrated several months ago, has informed me that a tooth fairy didn't take my tooth (as H. told me). No, it is much more sinister. He says that Aunt Dr. O. is selling our teeth on Ebay! Hetty Miep rolled her eyes when he told me this.

I went on Ebay to try and buy it back but I can't find it. Darn! Now what am I going to do with all of that velcro that I asked H. to get for me from the craft store?

In other news, the generous food rations have dried up. Sure, I still get what my humans call "junk food" (Note from H.: this would be cat food that has a lot of by-products and corn meal listed as the main ingredients) but they are giving me much smaller portions! I heard H. talking on the phone to Aunt Dr. O.: "You mentioned that I should give Hilda whatever she wants to eat to make sure she eats, but I forgot to ask you if we should let her have as much food as she wants to eat. Oh. Uh, okay."

When she got off the phone, H. told me she had messed up and that she wasn't supposed to give me as much as I wanted to eat. I don't understand that. If a little is good, then a lot should be better!


Good News

July 10th 2006 5:38 pm
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My humans got good news today: my test came back and no cancer was detected from the scraping! I apparently have some strange bacteria in my mouth but I am otherwise healthy. I have heard faint rumblings, though, of having to go back to the v-e-t on Monday to find out if my steroid shots are working or if I need an antibiotic too. Since Hetty Miep has developed an evil twin that is worse than Elvin’s, my humans are planning on taking her with us. She doesn’t seem to mind going to the vet, she just hates the smell on other cats when she doesn’t go. We’ll see how she does. I’m still scared—she was really mean to me.

She’s better now, but yesterday she kept hissing at me when she smelled my mouth. H. told me: “Head up, chin down, Hilda. Hold your head up to show Hetty Miep you aren’t afraid of her; but when she gets close to your mouth, keep your chin down so she can’t smell it.”

Whenever she gets near me now, I do a 180 or tuck my chin in. Whew!



July 9th 2006 5:10 pm
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My humans and I are in limbo regarding my condition. I went in Thursday (H. moved my appt. up a day because she was worried about me). Later that day, the v-e-t called H. to say she is worried about me. Apparently she found another lesion on my tongue when she cleaned my teeth. She is worried that I may have oral cancer. We will not find out the results from the lab tests until Monday or Tuesday. The v-e-t said that if I have oral cancer, there is not much (other than pain control via steroids) that they can do about it and that the cancer spreads fast and will eventually cause me enough pain to quit eating. My female human used the internet to read as much as she could about oral cancer. What she read scared her quite a bit. She has been making sure to spend extra time with me.

Somewhat good new: The v-e-t told my humans that it is important for hefty (!) girls like me to eat or else we run into liver problems and that my humans should give me anything I want! Woo hoo!! My humans have gotten me different flavors of all of the “junk food” that they don’t normally like for me to eat. So far, I have shown a willingness to eat the dry foods and my salmon treats. I enjoy poultry flavored dry food the most.

Surprising news: Elvin’s Evil Twin only stayed around for ~one day. I guess it was bored and had better things to do. Unfortunately, it has been replaced by Hetty Miep’s evil twin (who is a lot meaner—it could really kick EET’s bottom!).


Double Trouble

July 2nd 2006 6:07 pm
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As I suspected, my trip to the v-e-t involved me getting poked and insulted! My v-e-t said my bloodwork looked good except for one elevated liver level, which isn't uncommon for "hefty" cats. She also said that the flaky skin on my back was common for "hefty" girls because we can't reach that area as well. "Hefty" indeed! I have no idea who she was talking about (probably my brother Elvin). I am not hefty; I am lovely and voluptuous. And how is calling me "hefty" going to make me want to eat more?

To add injury to insult, I have to go back next week to have my teeth cleaned and give a donation of cells from a small lesion on my tongue. When I went in for my yearly pokes a couple of months ago, my v-e-t first noticed a small discoloration on the side of my tongue. She thinks it has grown larger since then and that it might be an ulcer, a viral sore, or a weird condition where the body produces extra (benign) cells. She has to send my donated cells to some other place that does mysterious things to it that I don't quite understand.

Elvin was horrible to me when I came home. As usual, his evil twin came out as soon as he started sniffing me. He turned into a real meanie and even growled at H. That earned him a trip to "lockdown" (ie, the study, which is my favorite place to sleep!). The evil twin departed sometime after lunch today (good riddance!) but I'm sure he'll be back next week.



I Would Prefer Not To

June 29th 2006 7:12 pm
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Lately I’ve been rather blah. It started about a month ago. First I lost my love for my precious wet food. H. said, “Hilda, it’s your favorite—venison and green peas. Don’t you want any.”

“I would prefer not to,” I told her.

Then I started eating less of my dry food and getting sick after I ate it. This was followed by a visit to the v-e-t, who said my teeth looked fine (my female human had convinced herself that it looked like I was in pain when I chewed my food).

I quit getting sick but I still wasn’t eating all of my dry food. Sometimes, I would force my brother Garp away from his dish and eat his food instead. My humans bought me a new food dish. “Hilda, don’t you want to eat out of your pretty new dish? It matches your eyes.”

“I would prefer not to,” I told her. But my pig brother Elvin did!

Now I’ve heard a rumor that I have to go back to the v-e-t tomorrow to “donate” blood!

I would prefer not to!!


Scarface to the Rescue?

March 26th 2006 5:51 pm
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Okay, it was funny when it happened to Elvin but it’s not so funny anymore.

Today, while grooming myself, I noticed that my beautiful curly right eyebrow whiskers were gone! She is denying it, but I know Miep ate them.

Scarface, where are you when I need you?

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