Editor’s note: This story originally appeared in the March/April issue of Catster print magazine. Click here to subscribe to Catster magazine.
Is your cat a sweetheart, a sap, or a total jokester? Take this quiz to see what kind of valentine best matches your cat’s personality.
1. Your cat wants your attention. What does she do?
a. Works her way into your lap and settles in for a snuggle
b. Hams it up by rolling around on the floor, jumping, or swatting jingle toys
c. Swipes a piece of food from your plate and races off with it
d. Brazenly walks across your laptop while you’re using it
2. You bring home a Valentine’s sweater for your cat. What’s her reaction?
a. She happily wears it and soaks in all the extra attention you give her
b. She gives you “the look” and walks away, sarcastically flicking her tail at you
c. She chews and drools on the tags
d. She wears it but then sabotages every photo of her you want to post online
3. You just sat down to a romantic dinner with your Valentine’s date. How does your cat respond?
a. Sneaks into your lap and curls up (and you don’t mind, of course)
b. Grabs a toy and puts on a show for you and your date
c. Parks herself under the table and waits for scraps to fall on the floor
d. She’s bored and decides to sleep on top of your warm laptop
4. What’s your cat’s favorite kind of toy?
a. Anything, as long as you’re involved in the play
b. A slobbery, chewed-up catnip cigar
c. A treat or food puzzle
d. A cool, interactive tablet app for cats
5. If your cat dedicated a song to you, what would it be?
a. “Soft Kitty” from The Big Bang Theory
b. The Meow Mix song
c. “Feed Me” from Little Shop of Horrors
d. The Keyboard Cat music
6. What are most of your cat’s nicknames based on?
a. Her cutest qualities
b. Her silly antics
c. Her eating habits
d. Online comments from your friends about her photos
7. Which career best suits your cat?
a. Writer of love songs
b. Stand-up comedian
d. Computer tech
Mostly As: Sappy valentine
Your cat is a total lover and can’t get enough up-close-and-personal time with you. Her purr goes on autopilot when she sees you, and you constantly catch her staring at you with goo-goo eyes. This kind of valentine would definitely include overly mushy poetry with rhymes like “feline” and “be mine.”
Mostly Bs: Funny valentine
Your kitty is a clown, and that’s one of the main reasons you adore her. She makes the silliest faces and loves to entertain you with her comedic antics. This kind of cat would definitely be a fun valentine, probably loaded with puns or humor. “Valentine, you’re my favorite treat (next to liver treats, that is)!”
Mostly Cs: Food-themed valentine
A food-obsessed cat would have to be some kind of edible valentine, like a heart-shaped cookie or box of candy. The only rule your kitty would insist upon is that you keep the chocolate, but she absolutely gets the box. And no, it doesn’t matter one bit that the box is probably (definitely) too small for her. She’ll make it work.
Mostly Ds: E-valentine
This cat loves technology — you know, like hijacking your laptop for naps (naptop), walking across your computer keyboard, and making sure every photo you take of her is completely blurry. Naturally, this kitty would be an obnoxious e-card, complete with repetitive, loud music and boing boing sound effects.
Read more by Angie Bailey:
- “Hello, My Name is Angie, and I’m a Cat-Huffer”
- Cats and Bags: 2 Very Important Scientific Experiments
- The Pros and Cons of My Cats as Health Care Providers
About the Author: Angie Bailey is an eternal optimist with an adoration of all things silly. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, thinking about cats doing people things and The Smiths. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, Texts from Mittens (originated right here on Catster) and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that features sketches and mockumentaries. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food.