Porkchop, Beans, and TT Pistachio are a trio of tuxedo felines living life in the town of Pearl River up in Rockland County, New York. They cohabit with their roommate human, and their adventures have proved a hit on Instagram as they entertain their 150,000 fans with their shenanigans and sarcastic comments.
Read on for the inside story on these self-proclaimed “impeccably dressed” ladies.
First up is Porkchop
Miss Porkchop is the “queen of the castle” according to her roomie. “She has my personality one hundred percent,” she says. “I truly believe it is because I raised her from when she was found at 3 weeks old.”
“On most days she wears her sassy pants,” she continues, “but threaded into those pants is a comedian, a big boss, a sweet eternal kitten, and a lovable best friend who just wants to snuggle and always be by my side no matter what I’m doing — which includes trips to the bathroom.”
Let’s assume they don’t share a litter box, and move on.
Next is Beans
Beans was adopted from a local shelter when she was around 2 years old, and little is known about her backstory before that. Her roommate says that because she’s “scared of her own shadow,” she might previously have been feral or abused.
“I am still the only human she likes and will show her face to,” she adds. “But when she does, she wants to rub her cold wet nose all over any exposed skin and headbutt me. When she wants to snuggle, she snuggles hard — so there’s no getting up to pee when she’s on you.”
Yes, there is a toilet theme developing here.
TT Pistachio makes three
When it comes to TT Pistachio, she’s said to be “a spitfire.” Often called P for short, her roomie says she “literally runs around the house like someone is spitting fire at her and the floor is lava. She’s a maniac, but the sweetest maniac you will ever meet.”
The roommate adds that TT Pistachio “loves being carried around like a baby, and you can wear her around your neck like a fur throw.”
I’ll assume that’s acceptable restroom attire.
A treacherous three
“Let’s just say that they are like the cast of the The Real Housewives of New Jersey,” explains their roomie when describing these three cats’ group dynamic. “One day it’s all love and friendliness, and the next they’re flipping tables and bitch-smacking each other. And as I mentioned above, Pork rules all.”
Witty, unpredictable, talent, and natural gain
Wondering about these kitties’ food-themed names? Well, their roommate says that originally all she wanted in life was to name her felines after the Wu-Tang Clan — “but having nine cats wasn’t ideal while being single in my 30s.”
Instead, she plumped for her next favorite thing — food. The roomie recalls that she was literally eating pork chops while naming that particular kitty. After that, Beans was a natural compliment, while Tater Tot Pistachio plays a sort of side-dish role.
Tuxedo Cat Appreciation Day
If you dip into Pork and pals’ Instagram account, you’ll come across the seeds of a new grassroots movement to make Tuxedo Cat Appreciation Day an official thing.
Asked to expand on the motivations behind the campaign, their roommate says, “Because why not? They have a day for everything now. And cats who wear penguin suits all day everyday deserve some praise for always looking so good.”
A Z.E.G. state of mind
When not hitting the campaign trail for Tuxedo Cat Appreciation Day, you can find Pork, Beans, and Pistachio embracing their patented “zero effs given” life philosophy.
It’s a straight-shooting mentality that largely involves “giving zero effs about what people say or think about you and just doing what you want.”
I believe cats might be very well equipped to stick to this particular script.
Keeping it real
The Porkchop and Beans Instagram account currently claims an impressive 150,000 followers. Their roommate credits this appeal to the way they come across as real cats, not fabricated characters.
“I like to think that’s one quality people like about our account and why we have gained so many followers in such a short amount of time,” says the roomie. “I am very real in portraying the cats in their environment and rarely try to pose them or dress them up. That’s just not us.”
Mouse Watch 2015
‘Tis the season when the weather takes a turn for the frigid and our little mice friends decide to take up uninvited residence in houses and apartments. Unfortunately, some of them end up trespassing on cat-patrolled property. Enter Mouse Watch 2015, wherein Pork, Beans, and Pistachio camped out in their kitchen to give a warm feline welcome to one such unwitting specimen.
Asked about the cats’ Mouse Watch tactics, their roommate says, “Patience, lots and lots of patience.”
“Poor Mr. Mouse didn’t know what was coming to him when he scurried out from under my stove that one morning,” she continues. “I think we gave him a lovely memorial, though.”
Scurry over to the Porkchop and Beans Instagram account to keep up with these entertaining ladies.
Read about more Social Cats of the Week:
- Katniss Thunder Paw Is Your New Feline Hero for the Ages
- Instagram Star Nubbins Is a Master at Scooting Around
- Let Coby Captivate You With His Striking Blue Eyes
About the author: Phillip Mlynar writes about cats, music, food, and sometimes a mix of all three. He considers himself the world’s foremost expert on rappers’ cats.