9 Phrases I That Say to My Cats as Well as My Kids


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For the last 18 years, I’ve parented both human and cat kids. I love being mother hen to all of them, and sometimes find myself saying the same phrases to both the children with and without fur. In fact, I often stop and laugh at myself when I hear the words come out of my mouth. Here are nine of those phrases.

1. Slow down!

By the time I’ve eaten my third bite of food, my son has usually cleaned his entire plate. He eats quickly and his bites are ginormous. I can’t tell you how many times we’ve said, “Do you see the size of that bite you’re about to put in your mouth?” My Saffy cat is the same way. I swear she doesn’t even chew her food — she’s a big, gray feline Hoover. I’m not surprised when either of them has an upset stomach after wolfing down a meal. I won’t even go into the notorious “egg roll incident,” starring my son.

2. Let me wipe your mouth

Moms are known mouth-wipers. They don’t even need a napkin — a finger and lick of mama spit often does the trick. When my kids were young, I spent a goodly amount of time wiping food, finger paint, and snot off their sweet little faces. My Cosmo is the cat who requires occasional mouth-wiping, and not because of food or finger paint. You see, he drools when he’s happy, so lap time with me requires tissues and the dabbing of kitty lips.

3. Come snuggle with Mama

My human kids are teenagers now and less likely to succumb to my constant requests for snuggles, but when they were little ones, I could usually snag a few snuggles a day. I request snuggles from my cats every day, and sometimes they cooperate.

4. Your toys are everywhere!

Oy! The toys! Kids’ bedrooms are pretty bad, but cats have a knack for tossing their toys about and not doing a damn thing about putting them back into their baskets. Lazy!

5. Share!

I’ve discovered this unwritten rule when it comes to kids and cats: If someone has something that looks kinda cool, the other one wants it, even if they don’t really want it. “Share” is not a popular word with two-legged or four-legged crew.

6. Give Mama kisses

Moms can’t help it — they need to constantly kiss their little ones. My daughter still allows me to smooch her, but when my son turned eight or so, he decided he was too cool for Mom’s kisses … especially in public. I still kiss him, but have to do it on the sly and catch him before he has a chance to lunge away from me. My cats are experts at lunging when it comes to my covering them with kisses. I don’t care — they’re gonna give Mama some kisses, even if the whole situation turns into an angry snuggle.

7. Just one pose

Now that we have pretty good cameras on our cell phones, we’re all about the photos. I’m not sure if I have anything else but kids and cats on my phone’s photo album. I know my kids run when I pull out the phone and start looking the other way. My cats have also gotten savvy about my pic addiction. Too bad, the camera’s not going anywhere.

8. I’ll be out in a second

Can I please go to the bathroom alone? When my kids were toddlers, the answer was always, “NO!” This is the same answer my cats give me every single day. Thank goodness my kids are older now and would be petrified if they saw me sitting on the toilet. Now I only have to deal with the staring eyes of cats while I’m doing my bathroom business. In years past, it was standing-room only.

9. I love you

“I love you” is my favorite phrase to say, and my favorite to hear. In my opinion, we can’t say it enough to the humans and animals in our lives.

Do you find yourself saying the same kinds of phrases to both your kids and cats? Tell us about it in the comments!

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Read More by Angie Bailey:

About the Author: Angie Bailey is an eternal optimist with an adoration of all things silly. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, thinking about cats doing people things and The Smiths. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, Texts from Mittens (originated right here on Catster) and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in a comedy web series that features sketches and mockumentaries. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food.

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