We humans pay hard-earned money for professional services all the time. We know we can’t always administer self care, so we search the web and ask friends for recommendations. I’m here with a recommendation for you: Look to your cat. Sure, they have no certifications, but their free services are sometimes just what we need.

Here are five professional services my cats provide for me. (Disclaimer: This post is in no way meant to replace the care of a real professional. If you think you have shingles, don’t cuddle up with your cat — get yourself to a doctor.)

1. Mental health therapy

I’m not afraid of oversharing when I admit to spending money on therapy. Sure, I have health insurance, but it never covers the whole bill, so there’s always a balance. I think it’s healthy to talk openly to a professional about personal feelings and challenges, especially during rough patches in our lives. I’ll tell ya — rough patches seem to have been my specialty the past several years. Needless to say, I’ve written quite a few checks to my friendly neighborhood therapist.

You know what else is healthy? Kitty therapy. My cats seem to sense when I’m feeling low — especially Cosmo. The close cuddling and purring can lessen anxiety and lighten depression. I can’t tell you how many times he’s provided just as much comfort as a certified therapist. And I’ve never had to write him one single check. It’d be pointless anyway because he doesn’t have a bank account … that I know of.

2. Massage therapy

If I had hella more income, I’d hire a massage therapist to visit me every day. The “terrain” of my upper back feels like a small mountain range. When I do treat myself to a massage, I feel mentally and physically renewed. It’s well worth the money for that kind of peace.

Cats are expert massage therapists, and they don’t charge a penny. When they’re happy, they effortlessly slip into kneading mode and go to town on whatever cushy surface is closest to those busy paws. I do enjoy being on the receiving end of a cat’s “massage,” as long as it’s not on top of my full bladder or if the claws are in need of a manicure. Hey! Cats should learn how to give professional manicures and then they could take care of each other! I want to see my Phoebe with a set of French tips.

3. Life coaching

I’ve worked with a few life coaches and have found definite benefit from their expertise. Sometimes we need a small, practical, friendly kick-in-the-butt to get moving in a positive direction, take risks, and celebrate our successes. A good life coach is invaluable and well worth the fee. I’ve made a few major life changes based on the encouragement of such coaches, and I’m grateful.

Cats naturally offer their opinions on how we should live our lives. A lot of the time, it revolves around their encouragement for us to feed them or give them cuddles. Some of the time, my cats stare at me until I haul my butt out of bed in the morning. I swear I’d probably lose valuable daylight time if they didn’t nudge me out from under my blankets. They also encourage me to play with them, which brings me so much joy and clears my mind so I can brainstorm important things … like ideas for Catster posts and what I’m going to make for dinner.

4. Exfoliation

Okay, I’ve never received a professional exfoliation treatment, but I have friends who have and do regularly receive it as part of their facials. The process removes dead cells and gives a nice, healthy glow. I do my own exfoliation in the shower with store-bought products. Still, I spend money.

Cats have the roughest tongues in town, and some of them love to lick our exposed skin. This, my friends, is what I call a complimentary exfoliation treatment. I don’t know that I’d ask my cats to lick my entire face, but a little clearing of my arm’s dead skin cells is fine by me.

5. Medical treatments

How many of us have been down with a physical malady and been comforted by a furry nurse? I know I have — more times than I can count. Again, those of us who are lucky to have health insurance still usually owe some sort of balance. If only we could receive the health care we need without worrying about the cost. Don’t worry, I’m not getting on that soap box, but I believe we all deserve care.

Cats might not write prescriptions, but they do administer purr-scriptions (sorry about that one). Their healing purrs and sweet bedside manner is an incredible comfort. My cats have gotten me through maladies as mundane as a cold but as extraordinary as recuperation from major surgery. No appointment needed, and nothing out-of-pocket!

What kinds of professional services does your cat provide? Tell us in the comments!