There are cat ladies, and then there are crazy cat ladies. I would like to think I am just an ordinary, run-of-the-mill person with two cats (which is not even that many).
It’s possible, though, that I’m a little obsessed with them. I do talk about them a lot. I also talk to them a lot. I also frequently refer to my cat Agnes as my soulmate. I have a tattoo of a cat. I always spend a significant amount of time talking about my cats on first dates. When my mom calls and asks how I’m doing, I start by giving her an update on my cats. I also write for a website called Catster. So maybe I’m on the crazier side of the cat lady spectrum.
Here are a few more crazy things I’ve done for my cats — you be the judge of how crazy I am.
1. I change the lyrics of Taylor Swift songs to be about my cats
Much like celebrity ex-boyfriends, kittens can be obnoxious and mean. My kitten Olive can be sweet and adorable one minute and a complete demon the next, leaving me feeling like a scorned lover. And who does scorn better than Taylor Swift? I just like to switch around the lyrics a little and serenade Olive about what a jerk she can be.
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh you attacked my face again last night
But ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh this time, I’m telling you I’m telling you
We are never ever ever getting back together
We are never ever ever getting back together
You go talk to Gwende, talk to Agnes, talk to me
But we are never ever ever getting back together
The song “Trouble,” also by Taylor Swift, actually requires no changes. I’m pretty sure it was written with Olive in mind.
2. I took my cats to see Santa
Yes, my cats are totally my children. I have no shame about it. What do you do with children at Christmastime? Take them to see Santa. How else will they be able to tell Santa what they want for the holiday? Cats need Christmas spirit, too.
The Oregon Humane Society holds an annual fund-raiser where cats and dogs can get their pictures taken with Santa Paws, and when I heard about it I immediately knew we had to go. Agnes is kind of a Scrooge and refused to get out of her carrier, but Olive sat in Santa’s lap and asked him for all her favorite things: cotton swabs, quarters, and a pumpkin. (She’s a weirdo.)
3. I hosted a cat-bow-tie-making party
Do you ever stare sadly at your cat, thinking about how much cuter she would be wearing a bow tie? My roommate and I used to do this constantly. Sure, Olive and Agnes were already cute, but just imagine how much cuter they would be in formal wear.
We discussed buying them bow ties, but eventually decided to make our own. We found instructions online and got to sewing. After we finished our prototypes, we decided to invite our friends over for a cat-bow-tie-making party. Some people may have thought we were strange, but obviously the real cat people got it.
We don’t have to be sad anymore, because Agnes and Olive each have two bow ties to choose from. Sadly, only Agnes really tolerates wearing hers, but she looks incredibly dapper in it.
4. I kept tuna in my bed
This one is a little bit of a downer. Also, kind of gross. Before my cat Effie passed away from feline infectious peritonitis, she rarely wanted to eat. She slept in my bed every night, and if she became hungry, I knew there was no way she’d have the energy to get out of bed. But if I kept food near here, sometimes she would eat it.
So for over a month, I kept a bowl of tuna next to my pillow while I slept. No, it didn’t smell great, and I certainly wasn’t bringing home any dates, but sometimes it worked. We do crazy things for love sometimes.
5. I plan their future careers
I’m fairly sure that Agnes is going to grow up to be a country star. I have many discussions about what things will be like when she finishes writing her album and hits the big time.
Which celebrity cats will she date? Will she buy a huge mansion for us to share, or forget the little people entirely and go out on her own? Will Olive be her manager? Will Olive end up stealing all her money? Is it a bad idea to employ family? What will she wear to the Grammys? Can cats wear heels? Will the fame go to her head? What will I do if she starts hanging out with Lindsay Lohan?
What do you think? Am I a crazy cat lady, or does everyone do things like this? What crazy things have you done for your cats? Let me know in the comments!
More articles by Maeve Connor:
- How to Survive Life with a New Kitten
- My Cat Helps Me Choose My Girlfriends
- Cats Are Like Humans — They Can Break Your Heart Just as Bad
- Do Tortoiseshell Cats Really Have “Tortitude”?
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