— Mom's away, Drunk Patty starts Paddy's Day early, and Stumpy is stoned again. Mittens will NOT let these events go without texts.
— Mittens' birthday is in March, and he will not rest until he receives the gift of Roomba. So he texts!
— Mittens distracts himself from his woes with some homegrown nip, which sends him reeling.
— Mittens is sure he'd win a host of events at the Olympics -- events that don't exist. So he texts.
— Mittens wants his valuables appraised by the show, but many roadblocks await. So he texts!
— Mittens had a fabulous Christmas and is ready to make some New Year's resolutions, all of which directly benefit his whims, of course.
— "Deck the Halls With Buddy Holly"? Really, Drunk Patty? Is it Boxing Day yet?
— Refrain from batting tree ornaments? Be patient waiting for boxes? A cat can only handle so much!
— Except Drunk Patty, and Mittens is asked to knead her gassy belly while she watches wrestling.
— Mittens texts with Drunk Patty, Stumpy, Grandma and his Mom. Phil? Who wants to text with a dog?
— He's sure his relationship with Stumpy is toxic, and the dog smells like cottage cheese. He texts.
— His blanket is missing and Drunk Patty's coming over. Oh, and Judge Judy without snacks? Insanity!
— The disappointment continues for the texting cat.
— In other news, Phil the dog should get a job.
— A stare from Phil the Dog, meanwhile, inhibits Mittens' "craft" of chirping at woodpeckers.
— Phil the dog is impregnating Mittens?! Uh, no. Autocorrect strikes again, and Mittens is a target.
— He wants the fancy food from TV. Where's that blanket? How many bad jokes can he make?
— He texts about Lil Bub, yogurt lids -- and whether he'll inadvertently become a Scientologist.
— And now, more texts from Mittens: "You left LinkedIn open. You now may or may not be the new regional manager of Hooters."
— He is thankful for unlimited data. His human, not so much. This cat needs to get out more often.
— Mittens is on the smartphone, reporting atrocities.
— The cat with unlimited data and too much time on his paws is a Catster regular. Hope you're ready.
— Give a cat a smartphone, he'll call on occasion. Give him unlimited data, and he'll text constantly.
— A cat with a smartphone is nothing but trouble -- just ask his human!
— You've heard of Text from Dog, yes? Have we got something for you...
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