— Mittens puts his own frantic spin on this week devoted to thoughtful communication -- he texts!
— Resolutions refuse to meet expectations, Mom has switched cat litter (gross), and Drunk Patty shows up with a cat-sized taco costume. Mittens texts!
— A resentful elf intercepts Mittens' letter, and Drunk Patty has a secret, fancy identity. He texts!
— Mitty's mom won't retake the ridiculous photo, and a fog monster is about to eat him. He texts!
— Mittens is gravy-crazy, and Drunk Patty's boyfriend is eating all the turkey. Poor Mitty texts!
— If mom didn't want Mittens to bat and chew all those interesting objects, why did she put them on her desk? Mittens is aghast, so he texts.
— A taco costume, visits from Drunk Patty, and no bucket of treats? Mitty thinks it's the worst holiday ever, so he texts.
— It's Pet Obesity Awareness Day, and Mittens is obsessed with the extra treats Grandma brought.
— Mom's away, Grandma and Phil trash-talk Mitty, and Drunk Patty's underthings are in plain view -- Mittens can barely process it all, so he texts!
— The house is haunted -- how else to explain that thing in the sink after hours, licking plates?
— Mittens is denied a formal education, so Drunk Patty wants to homeschool him. He texts!
— No one told Mittens about World Cat Day, and Drunk Patty's dancing in the window again. Our pal Mitty is going to require therapy after this.
— Mittens' nap is ruined by ill-timed laundry -- humans are SO thoughtless and selfish.
— Mittens desperately seeks a phone app that will make him a tough guy, and Mom disses his bed -- so many atrocities for Mittens to text about.
— Drunk Patty's boyfriend is set to wreck the Fourth of July cookout, so Mittens texts all about it!
— Phil gets lots of special birthday attention, and Drunk Patty sunbathes topless in the backyard. Poor Mittens -- he can't text fast enough.
— Mittens is obsessed with getting a graduation cap with a tassel, even if he has to befriend Drunk Patty. You better believe he's texting about it!
— Drunk Patty wants to craft with cat hair and Grandma's autocorrect errors are mortifying poor Mittens. He just can't text fast enough!
— The wicked little rodent is out to get Mittens, and Drunk Patty thinks she's a bird -- just another day in the life of a texting cat named Mittens.
— No boxes on Easter? Drunk Patty made off with the leftover gravy? Life is hard for Mittens, and he's furiously texting all the atrocities.
— Mittens is eager to raise his social status to that of a proper gentleman, and that includes acquiring some calling cards and a canine butler.
— Mittens also reproduces famous sculptures in his litter box -- of course he texts about all of it.
— Mom's away, Drunk Patty starts Paddy's Day early, and Stumpy is stoned again. Mittens will NOT let these events go without texts.
— Mittens' birthday is in March, and he will not rest until he receives the gift of Roomba. So he texts!
— Mittens distracts himself from his woes with some homegrown nip, which sends him reeling.
— Mittens is sure he'd win a host of events at the Olympics -- events that don't exist. So he texts.
— Mittens wants his valuables appraised by the show, but many roadblocks await. So he texts!
— Mittens had a fabulous Christmas and is ready to make some New Year's resolutions, all of which directly benefit his whims, of course.
— "Deck the Halls With Buddy Holly"? Really, Drunk Patty? Is it Boxing Day yet?
— Refrain from batting tree ornaments? Be patient waiting for boxes? A cat can only handle so much!
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