It’s summertime, and many teenagers have already snagged those highly coveted summer jobs that’ll produce cash for movies, water park admissions, and hot dates at the drive-in. During my high-school years, I held part-time summer jobs. I didn’t necessarily enjoy giving up my free time, but I didn’t complain when I received that (tiny) paycheck at the end of the week. Hey, the Limited wasn’t giving cool clothes away for free, you know.
I’m sure cats would love having some coins jingling around in their pockets. They’re pretty independent and would enjoy being able to purchase their own good times. I do think, however, they’d have a bit of trouble holding certain types of jobs. Here are five of them.
My very first job was at Carvel Ice Cream. I was 16 years old and was given the OK to eat free ice cream — BEST JOB EVER. What the owner didn’t know is that we probably ate more ice cream than we sold. Cats would be awful ice-cream scoopers. They’d binge and then fall asleep — both of which are likely not on the job description. I may or may not have done the exact same things.
I went to high school in Florida, and some of my friends were beach lifeguards. They were exceptional swimmers and always sported the best tans. The only part of lifeguarding that cats would enjoy would be the intense sun. They’d have no interest in saving anyone’s life, much less diving into the water to do it.
Since the age of 12, I was a top-notch teenage babysitter. I loved the cash and most of the kids I watched were adorable. One family even took me on vacation with them so I could entertain the children while they went out to adult-only dinners and whatnot. It was a pretty sweet gig. Somehow, I don’t think cats would be very attentive babysitters. I mean, they do well with their own kittens and all, but they can always sleep while the babies nurse. Human babies require a little more attention. Plus, I don’t think cat teats are quite robust enough for an infant to, um, latch onto.
I’ve worked my share of restaurant jobs. Mostly I waitressed, but also helped with food prep, cleaning, and bussing tables. It was hard work, but the immediate tips were well worth the tired feet at the end of a shift. Cats would love bussing tables, and not for the joy of cash tips. No way. To them, the easy access to leftover food would be pay enough. For once, humans are asking cats to have a relationship with a plate of leftover food? Every cat in the world is thinking, “Where do I sign up?”
This would never work, though — cats would spend all their time licking plates instead of clearing them. Cranky, hungry guests would be lined up around the block.
I knew lots of friends who spent their summers bagging groceries at the local food marts. It’s really a great first job … for humans. Give a teenager a bag, and he’ll earn a paycheck. Give a cat a bag, and he’ll crawl inside and take a nap.
Would your cat fail at a summer job? Tell us about it in the comments!
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About the Author: Angie Bailey is an eternal optimist with an adoration of all things silly. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, thinking about cats doing people things and The Smiths. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, Texts from Mittens (birthed right here on Catster) and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that features sketches and mockumentaries. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food.
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