Toby's Diary

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An unwelcome visitor

August 9th 2015 10:37 pm
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Jasper, next door's young tabby. He came in on Saturday while I was out. Mum denied it but he was standing right behind her.

"I put you out," she said to him.

"You did," he agreed "and then I came back."

I turned to Josie. "What did you do to defend our home?"

"I did my fierce face," she said.

"Show me."

Josie's fierce face wouldn't frighten the tiniest kitten. I should know. I was that kitten.

"You have a lovely home," said Jasper politely. Turns out he was in a position to know. He had helped himself to some biscuits, rootled through our toy box, lay down on my bed, even sharpened his claws on the scratching post. Josie had done a lot of watching.

Trouble is my mum had the door open on account of it being hot and she does love a tabby cat.

I ruffled up my fur and went big cat and my mum told Jasper it was time to go. Again.

She was out all day Sunday but when she came home he was right there again, waiting for her in our garden and he let her rub his tummy. I am not impressed!



August 6th 2015 10:42 pm
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This morning my mum put her bag of things for the charity shop in the hall to remember to take to work as once a month they collect stuff there. I had a good sniff.

"You've not put Josie in then?"


"Why not? Someone might want her."

I don't. Not only is Josie using the stupid scratching post she's even playing with the ball that dangles from the top and my mum wants to know why I don't use it.

And I came in and my mum was petting Josie and Josie grabbed my mum's hand in her paws, pulled it close and licked it. Mum said, "Ah Josie, that's cute." Then she looked at me. "Toby - you've brought another slug in."

I can't help that - they hitch a ride on my fur.

So Josie gets attention and praise that is rightfully mine only my mum doesn't see that. She reckons she has enough love for two of us. Looks like I'm stuck with Josie.


This is NOT why...

August 4th 2015 10:34 pm
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My mum finally got her act together and bought us some of that extra nice food with the coupon they sent.

It is soooooo delicious! Mmmmmmmmm! I was in ecstasy until I noticed something. Josie was in ecstasy too and she knows how I hate to see her happy. Plus what if she had a bigger portion?

I trotted over and got stuck in, chowing down her breakfast.

I heard my mum say, "Why have you left some, Toby?" then she came out of the kitchen and saw Josie watching me eat her food.

"Oh Josie - fight back" said my mum but not in a tone that sounded like she thought that might happen. Then she did a bad thing. Picked up my bowl and gave it to Josie.

"This," said my mum, "is why you normally eat own-label."

This is NOT why we normally eat own label. If my mum gave us this every day and bigger portions this would never happen. But my mean mum says that given we are both perfect weight for our size she won't be changing any time soon.

Sighs! I am so badly treated.


We have a new thing

August 3rd 2015 10:31 pm
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I eyed it warily. "Modern art?" I suggested.

"It's a scratching post," said my mum.

"A what?"

"it's for you and Josie to sharpen your claws on," she said.

"That's OK, thank you. We have the sofa," I told her.

"And observe, small holes in the fabric," said my mum. "They'll become large holes and that's not good."

I shook my head ruefully. "Shoddy workmanship. We'll have to get another one."

"They aren't cheap hence the scratching post."

Josie has used it and said it works fine. I intend to keep using the sofa. "I'll get you declawed."

"Illegal in the UK," I retorted. "So no you won't.

So for now I am using the sofa when mum is beyond reach and Josie is using the post although gets slightly freaked out by my mum rushing up to her with fulsome praise every time she does.


Helping my mum relax

August 2nd 2015 10:39 pm
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Mum was late home pretty much every day last week - she said there was some sort of a problem on the roundabout off the motorway and she was getting pretty fed up with it. So on Friday she wanted to unwind and relax before going out again.

Out came her relaxation CD, on went her headphones and she lay back and shut her eyes.

I know something much better for relaxing. I selected rumble purr mode, stretched up and gave her a hearty nose rub. Nothing like some love and affection for making her feel good.

Only she didn't see me coming on account of having her eyes closed and did jump rather. But I made her laugh and she stroked me and said she was feeling better.

Mission accomplished!


Cat Rules

July 30th 2015 10:21 pm
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My mum was very late home last night. She started telling us about the delays and the bad traffic but it was very dull so we went out. We only came in when she had cooked her supper and was settled down to eat. That's when we like our attention.

"You are all back to front," she grumbled, "I wanted snuggles when I came in and you didn't want to know. Now it's inconvenient you are all over me."

"I think you'll find you're the one the wrong way round," I said. "Josie and I still have a lot of training to do."

Later my mum was jotting things down in a notebook. "Rumble purr" she wrote and "Knead people" and "Wash! Wash! Wash!"

"What's all that?" I wanted to know.

"A friend of a friend at work is setting up a business painting boards with rules on. She's done Coffee Lovers Rules and Dog Rules but she got stuck at Cat Rules. They asked if I could help."

"So they know you love cats," I said.

"I might have mentioned it," said my mum. I started giving my mum a whole lot more rules but they have to be short to fit on the board and she thought maybe mine were too specific to me. I have clear ideas about how things should be.


My part in ecology

July 29th 2015 10:37 pm
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Yesterday I was chatting to my mum when she started tickling my back legs. I looked back to see what she was doing.

"Hold still," she said. "I'm taking grass seeds out of your fluff."

She piled them neatly on the arm of the sofa and I sniffed them.

"I didn't realise I had those," I commented.

"It's all part of how nature works," explained my mum. "The seeds stick to your fur and you carry them off and they plant somewhere else."

I was quite excited by this.

"So we'll get grass on the sofa."

"No," she said, disappointingly. I like a munch on a bit of grass and it would be good to be able to without going outside in the winter.

Thinking of which I walked over my mum to go outside.

"Toby! You've just picked up most of those seeds I took so long taking off you," said my mum.

"I'm taking them back outside so they can grow." And I did.


I caught a squirrel (nearly)

July 28th 2015 10:30 pm
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He was sitting on the fence. I was stealth personified, inching slowing forward, imperceptibly advancing on my prey, victory a short leap away when....

oh no - say she's not joining in!

The door opened and out came my mum, full of excitement, waving and shouting.

I looked back at the squirrel but he was darting as far away from this crazy human as possible.

I turned to my mum. "How many times do I have to explain it?! That is not how you hunt. Next time stay in. Watch and learn."

Sighs! She is the worst hunter in the world. But I definitely would have caught the squirrel if she hadn't been there.



July 27th 2015 10:24 pm
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I woke up bright and early this morning then..ack! ack! ack! and oh the sweet relief..furball gone.

I went to tell my mum who was still in bed. I jumped on the bed to join her.

"My tummy is empty. While you're up you could give us breakfast," I suggested helpfully.

She didn't open her eyes but a sleepy hand scritched my ear. "I'm not up," she muttered.

"You have some cleaning up to do and while you're there.." I looked at her hopefully.

That got her eyes open. "Toby!"

"It's not my fault I have an inadequate brushing regime," I pointed out.

She flumped back on the pillow.

"Why do I have cats?" she asked the ceiling.

"Because we're awesome. Now chop chop! You have work to do."

Mums need a firm hand sometimes.


Sending love

July 26th 2015 10:32 pm
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On Friday it did rain. All day. And all evening. Lots.

My mum came back from work and said she was so happy that her drive was over and she didn't have to go out again.

"It looks like the perfect evening for a Fred Astaire movie and a big mug of tea," she announced.

And it was.

I sat next to her and had snuggles and was happy as could be. Then my mum got her laptop and said, "Toby - you have a message from Monster."

And she read it to to me. "What do you want me to say back?" she asked.

I told her and she started typing and I reached up and rubbed my head against the screen. "Will Monster feel that?" I wondered.

"The computer certainly did," said my mum, wiping the screen. I had been dribbling a bit in my happiness. "I'll tell him." And she did.

We can't read messages people send at the moment. We know we have them in our Inbox but we get an error when we try and open them. So it's all through gifts which is kind of nice in its own way but I hope Catster gets its fleas sorted out so we can find out what our friends have been saying.

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