Toby's Diary

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Bad cat Josie

April 3rd 2014 10:38 pm
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At about a quarter past four this morning I was doing what all well-behaved cats should be doing at that time, curled up on my chair sound asleep, dreaming of new toys and magic doors, when I was woken by mum muttering, "What the..?"

I looked across and saw Josie making a concerted effort to dig through mum's duvet and attack her toes. This was not going down well with mum at all and strong words were exchanged.

Josie had the grace to look a little abashed and said it had been a genuine error when she saw the wiggling toes under the bed covers and she only wanted to save mum from whatever peril was lurking there. She snuggled up with mum and all was quiet for about thirty seconds. Then Josie sighed, nope - she wasn't sleepy, not at all.

So she thought she would tidy up mum's bedside table, throw anything that was in the way on the floor and rearrange the rest. How pleased mum would be to wake up and find it all tidy for her. Except mum was still very much awake. I heard her ,say, "Not the water!" and then "Why do I have cats?!"

One of us was being a good cat and I thought I had better remind her of that so I trotted over and gave her some nice headrubs.

I'll be honest - I've seen her more chirpy and we've had some sarcastic comments about how much sleep we'll be doing today while my mum is at work. I had better do some of my big eyes that always make her putty in my paws and Josie had better behave herself.

 

Our box of goodies

April 2nd 2014 10:39 pm
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Mum came home from work yesterday with a smug look on her face and a big box under her arm.

"Toys and door all arrived," she said,as she dished up our supper, " I can't wait to see you get stuck in."

"We want to go out," I told her firmly.

"But I have a big box," she said.

"Out!"

"Box?"

"Out!!"

And out we went. People had been in our garden and we wanted to vestigate. It wasn't good. Last month the wind blew down the fences giving us an extension into next door's garden which we had rather enjoyed. The people had taken away the broken panels and put up new ones. Very mean.

When we came back in mum had opened the box so we did oblige her by jumping in and taking a look. The feather sticks are pretty good and Josie and I have both played with them; normally that's just a Josie game. The fishing rod toys have the line all wound around and around curled up and mum was going out and didn't have time to unwind them but maybe tonight she will.

And the door is still in its box. Mum looked at the instruction book and sais she needs more time. Maybe at the weekend. I can't wait.

 

The hoover ate our ball

April 1st 2014 10:36 pm
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Mum was feeding it last night. She let it out of its cupboard and it growled ravenously as it munched up all the dust and fur it could find, mum clinging on to it for dear life and then it grabbed our ball.

Mum kicked it to stop it growling and said, "That's not good."

Its long nose comes apart so my mum pulled it off and peered in. "I see it," she said and poked it. Down it went. Now it was stuck in the tube like one of my toys where the balls roll freely but can never come out. Mum tilted the tube and we heard it go but when she stuck her fingers in she couldn't get a grip on it.

"I might be able to get it out if I reach a claw in," I suggested. That works with one of my toys.

"Clever cat," said my mum but rather than use my claws she got a pair of scissors and wiggled them round to get the ball.

"You might cut it in half," I exclaimed.

"That would work for me too," she said. But we only have about fifteen balls so didn't want that to happen.

Anyway she did manage to rescue the ball, it now has slice marks but rolls just as well as it did.

Hoovers are evil things. No wonder we keep our distance when it comes out.

 

Buying our door

March 31st 2014 10:39 pm
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I was in the garden looking at my mum who was in the kitchen preparing her supper. She held my door open and called to me, "Are you going to come in now or would you prefer to wait until I've settled down with my food so I have to get up specially?"

How long has she lived with cats? We will always take the option that works best for us and not so good for them.

"I'm fine for now," I called back cheerily. And waited counting in my head to when she would be settled on the sofa, food on a tray and just be starting to think she would be safe and then scrabble, scrabble, scrabble Let me in!

She came, sighing.

"Anyway," I commented, "I thought I was getting a magic door."

She agreed that the cheque must have cleared so after she had eaten we all went shopping. I love online shopping. The website had some marvellous things and my mum said we could choose one toy each. Josie always chooses sticks with feathers on. She loves them the best and they get broken when my mum sits on them or the feathers get torn out.

I chose an amazing looking thing with tunnels and tubes and flippy bits but my mum said I already have toys like that and I don't play with them so I've got some fishing rod ones as I like them.

Mum ordered the door and some new bowls for us and now we just have to wait for the postie to bring everything. Hoorah!

 

Spring cleaning

March 30th 2014 10:42 pm
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If your mum gets up and says it's a lovely day and time for Spring cleaning don't be fooled. Tell her you're busy - maybe some naps to catch up on or some particualrly cheeky spiders need chasing. It sounds like fun, everyone likes to spring, but it isn't.

Mostly it involves removing paw print features that have been months in the construction, wiping down things so they don't smell nicely of you any more but smell of cleany of stuff and removing your favourite dust bunnies that had sat peacefully in corners not bothering anybody.

Josie and I spent the day avoiding mum so we didn't have to help. Luckily it was sunny outside so we were happy there.

Then Josie had to get her revenge and did her most impressive barf - sitting on mum's laptop, leaning over - she got some on the laptop, and some down the wall over an electric socket. Mum reckons the chest of drawers one was still worse - she is very careful about closing drawers now - but it was pretty good all the same.

Mum's pretty pleased with her work but don't worry - we'll fix it.

I did remember to wake mum an hour early today which was thoughtful of me. Mum said she had remembered to change the clocks and this was an hour before an hour early so please to leave her be. There is no pleasing some people.

 

My tummy

March 27th 2014 11:49 pm
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Everything about a cat is perfection. Our delicate velvet noses, our exquisitely formed pointy ears, our expressive tails, everything and our soft, fuzzy tummies. And what my soft, fuzzy tummy needs every day is plenty of stokes.

I gather not all cats like that. Josie says she doesn't. Mum said that when I was tiny she rubbed my tummy a lot so I would come to like it as she loves to touch a cat's tummy (but of course she does) but she never realised how demanding I would become on the subject.

I don't call it demanding, merely asking.

And yesterday I had to do a lot of asking. My mum was in a flibber as she had to go into central London for one of her training things and there were "severe delays" on her tube line so she was rushing about and said she had no time for tummy rubs.

I even jumped up at her and padded her shoulder with my paws to show her how it should be done but no joy. I am now owed fifteen minutes of tummy rubs!!

She'll make it up to me over the weekend. Talking of which our clocks spring forward so she'll have to get up early. Josie and I have been waking her early so she can get used to this but she isn't as appreciative as you would expect.

 

The fox

March 25th 2014 11:53 pm
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We were sitting innocently watching my mum pootle around and get ready for work yesterday when she said, "That's a big cat in the garden."

We all looked and then she said, "That's no cat" and it wasn't. It was a fox, brazen as anything sniffing at our window. Mum walked up to the window and foxz and mum looked at each other. She must have had her fierce face as he trotted away.

If you've not seen a fox close up then they are about ten feet tall with enormous bushy tails and sharp teeth. If you have then you'll know how scary they are.

To everyone's astonishment after he had gone Josie went out to have a sniff and she came back in saying it did not smell good. I have not been out since. No sense in taking unnecessary risks!!

 

A naughty ghost attacked my mum

March 24th 2014 11:50 pm
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I didn't see this, I only heard about it. I was nowhere near the scene at the time, nowhere near at all.

Mum was on the sofa watching TV when she felt something grab her elbow, something sharp. She looked down but could see nothing. Most odd. Maybe she had imagined it. She heard a little chuckle, then her elbow grabbed again and a distinct bite but there was nothing to see.

Moments later I appeared.

"What's up?" I asked, seeing mum rub her elbow. She gave me a grumpy look. "I think you have some explaining to do, young man," she said.

"Did you actually see a cat bite you?" I asked. She had to admit that she hadn't. "So it must have been a ghost," I said, "I'm sorry I missed that."

Hee Hee! Did you guess? It was me all along. I had squiggled myself under the throw so every last bit of fur was concealed and attacked mum's elbow from under my cloak of invisibility.

This was too good a jape to keep to myself so I woke her up bright and early this morning. She reckons she knew all along but I don't see how she could have. I love being a cat!!

 

The sky threw stones at us

March 23rd 2014 11:37 pm
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Josie and I were innocently enjoying ourselves pootling about in the garden when...ouch..ouch...and ouchier. The sky was pelting us, not with rain which is bad enough, but with stones.

We both ran as fast as we could to the door. I reached it first and was frantically scrabbling to be let in while Josie muttered behind me.

Luckily mum came fast and she looked out. "Gosh," she said. Gosh indeed!
Then "That's big hail-stones," she said.

"What's hail-stones?" I asked, watching them fly down in the garden from the safety of the back of my armchair.

"Ice," said my mum and sure enough as fast as they landed they melted.

The only ice I like is ice cream and I'm not allowed that as my tummy doesn't like it as much as my mouth does. If they sky threw ice cream down that would be great but ice, that's no use to anyone.

Luckily it didn't last long and the sun came back. I hope it never hails again.

 

What's in the box?

March 20th 2014 11:39 pm
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On Wednesday as well as all her rushing around my mum brought home a box from work. This box had a lid on so we couldn't see inside but we had a good sniff.

"Don't worry," said my mum, "it's empty. I'm going to put all the stray cables in it."

While she was at work yesterday we started to get curious. Was it really empty? Could a cat be hiding in there? Or food, maybe mum had filled it with treats while we weren't looking.

There is nothing that can come between a couple of persistent cats and their goal. It took us a while, we had to knock the box on its side and tug and pull and twist and the box ended up half-way across the room but we got that lid off.

Josie jumped in straight away. "It's not empty," she reported. "It's full of space."

I laughed, "and now it's full of cat." We had a lot of fun with that box and decorated it with our claw and teeth marks so it would be fully ours.

When mum came home she scooped it up and put the lid back on. "Can't you two leave anything alone?" she asked. That is good as it means we get to open it and drag it round again while mum is at work today. Mum said we're breaking it and she'll have to bring home another. This box is the gift that keeps on giving!

 
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