We brought a baby home three months ago, and after a curious sniff of the assorted baby gear and the boxes it came in, my cat has virtually ignored the baby. She won’t even look at the baby. Even when I pick her up and hold her head in the direction of the baby, she suddenly finds something really interesting right over to the left there.
Which got me thinking, why won’t my cat look at the baby? What does my cat think about this baby that she won’t even look at it? Is there something wrong with the baby? Is there something wrong with the cat? The baby has no issues with looking at the cat, and he even smiled at her once he learned how to smile.
But why won’t my cat look at the baby?
1. The cat thinks the baby is a Decepticon and will devour us all if she looks directly at the nuclear diode implanted in his retina.
(Sometimes my cat watches TV with me.)
2. She thinks the baby is a bunny.
(She had a bad experience with a bunny.)
3. She thinks if she doesn’t look at the baby for 100 days he’ll disappear, like he’s a hobbit or something.
(We’re on day 93; she can taste the victory.)
4. She thinks if she looks directly at him then she’ll have to take care of him forever.
(Well, that’s sort of what happened with us.)
5. She thinks he’s a big-headed Bloodranger from the planet Kellik who’s come to take her soul back to the eternal prison on planet Zswigalph.
(More TV — though the baby does have a biggish head.)
6. She thinks the baby will multiply if she shows any interest.
(She could be right; he’s our second child.)
7. She can’t bear the sight of him.
8. She thinks the house will blow up if she looks directly at the baby.
(She also thinks the house will blow up if she lets us sleep past 6 a.m.)
9. She can’t believe what’s going on in that diaper.
(And I can’t believe what’s going on in that litter box.)
10. She thinks we’ll get rid of the baby if she acts like she doesn’t like him.
(She did this when we tried to switch to a healthier dry food, and, well, it works. Not a bad strategy, all things considered.)