Conversion Therapy with Clutch: Turning Cat Haters Into Cat Lovers

Hi, I’m Dr. Karyn! Read my introduction to learn more about me and meet my five hilarious cats: Clutch, Cyril, Alex, Zelda, and Zazzles.

If there’s one thing that Clutch will not tolerate, it’s a cat hater. He seems to make it his mission to convert even the most committed ailurophobe into an ailurophile,¹ and he doesn’t take no for an answer. He has even been known to rid one family member of their cat allergies, such is the power of this handsome boy! How has he achieved such feats? Let me tell you about my Star Wars theory.

The Star Wars Theory

Back in the good old days when there were just three awesome Star Wars films, Episodes IV, V, and VI, I had a regular argument with people who claimed they ‘hated’ Star Wars, and it went a little bit like this:

• Them: I hate Star Wars
• Me: Have you watched them?
• Them: No.
• Me: *blank stare*
• Them: I hate those types of films.
• Me: But…but, you haven’t actually seen them. How can you know?

And now you’re wondering what on earth this has to do with Clutch. Basically, in my analogy, cats are science fiction films, and Clutch is Return of the Jedi. Still confused? Let me explain.

Many people formed an opinion about Star Wars based on the fact that they didn’t enjoy the science fiction genre. But, as fans will attest, Episodes IV to VI are more character driven, less hardcore sci-fi, making them appealing to a much wider audience. In particular, Episode VI, the Return of the Jedi, had something for everyone – sci-fi, romance, adventure, and (love them or hate them) Ewoks.

People that haven’t had a good encounter with cats will often make the assumption that they don’t like any cats. Therefore:

• Cats = science fiction films
• Friendly cats = Star Wars
• Clutch = Return of the Jedi

Wait, What?

Okay, maybe that was a rather convoluted way for me to explain that Clutch is a cat that even cat-haters love, but I enjoyed the diversion!

Over the past ten years, Clutch has won over scared children, cynics, and the manliest of men. Of course, there are some people who just don’t like animals at all, but we try keep them out of our home…and social circle.

You may have heard that cats will often gravitate towards people that aren’t their biggest fans because they tend to demonstrate characteristics that appeal to most felines: narrowed eyes, holding back rather than approaching, and generally leaving the cat alone. In cat language, this shows conveys trust and deference, attracting them to the less-than-thrilled human. But Clutch isn’t even put off by more overt anti-cat behavior; pushing him away, blocking access to laps, or moving to a different location will not deter this loving boy. They are merely challenges to be overcome. Through sheer determination, Clutch forces people to acknowledge his irresistible charm and concede that perhaps cats aren’t so terrible after all.

The Canine Feline

We often joke that Clutch identifies as dog, with his chilled out personality and preference for the company of other canines; cat-hating-dog-lovers often pick up on this. One feline characteristic that people find off-putting is how unpredictable, or easily spooked they can be; one false move and they’re off like a shot, or directing a sharp tooth or claw in your direction. Although this does describe some cats, it is not a fair or accurate representation of them all. But it takes a lot of convincing to undo this prejudice. Enter, Clutch.

Far from being flighty or bitey, Clutch is difficult to move once he’s comfortable, is not easily startled, and has never been known to lash out in fear or anger. His calm demeanor and determination to be loved seems to put people at ease, particularly those who are partial to the amiable nature of dogs.

Allergies? What Allergies?

My mother-in-law loves cats. Unfortunately, her immune system did not. When exposed to feline dander in the past, her eyes would water, her throat would itch, her nose would run, and she would always load up on antihistamines before visiting our home.

In his typical fashion, Clutch would attach himself to poor Trish, cuddling into her chest, accompanying her to meals, and sleeping on her clothes, making sure that she, and her belongings, had plenty of white fur attached. Over a period of months, she realized that her symptoms had reduced, and she no longer needed to premedicate with antihistamines. This isn’t completely unheard of; allergies tend to either intensify or diminish with exposure, and it seemed that Trish’s fell into the latter category.

Although people can be allergic to some cats but not all, she had previously reacted to other cats in the household that pre-dated Clutch’s arrival, so it would appear that Clutch’s forceful affection has had something of a desensitizing effect.

Conversion with a Warning

I can say with confidence that virtually every person that has had the privilege of meeting Clutch has come away with a greatly improved opinion of felines in general. Although not everyone has rushed out and immediately got themselves a cat, there have been a few that finally gave into the pressures of family members once they realized that cats “aren’t all bad”. Proud as I am to know that Clutch has been responsible for the conversion of many former cat-haters, I don’t want people to be under the illusion that all cats are like Clutch.

You might find yourself with the same disappointment experienced by millions of Star Wars fans after flocking to cinemas to see Episode I…