— Mittens' nap is ruined by ill-timed laundry -- humans are SO thoughtless and selfish.
— Mittens desperately seeks a phone app that will make him a tough guy, and Mom disses his bed -- so many atrocities for Mittens to text about.
— Drunk Patty's boyfriend is set to wreck the Fourth of July cookout, so Mittens texts all about it!
— Phil gets lots of special birthday attention, and Drunk Patty sunbathes topless in the backyard. Poor Mittens -- he can't text fast enough.
— Mittens is obsessed with getting a graduation cap with a tassel, even if he has to befriend Drunk Patty. You better believe he's texting about it!
— Drunk Patty wants to craft with cat hair and Grandma's autocorrect errors are mortifying poor Mittens. He just can't text fast enough!
— The wicked little rodent is out to get Mittens, and Drunk Patty thinks she's a bird -- just another day in the life of a texting cat named Mittens.
— No boxes on Easter? Drunk Patty made off with the leftover gravy? Life is hard for Mittens, and he's furiously texting all the atrocities.
— Mittens is eager to raise his social status to that of a proper gentleman, and that includes acquiring some calling cards and a canine butler.
— Mittens also reproduces famous sculptures in his litter box -- of course he texts about all of it.
— Mom's away, Drunk Patty starts Paddy's Day early, and Stumpy is stoned again. Mittens will NOT let these events go without texts.
— Mittens' birthday is in March, and he will not rest until he receives the gift of Roomba. So he texts!
— Mittens distracts himself from his woes with some homegrown nip, which sends him reeling.
— Mittens is sure he'd win a host of events at the Olympics -- events that don't exist. So he texts.
— Mittens wants his valuables appraised by the show, but many roadblocks await. So he texts!
— Mittens had a fabulous Christmas and is ready to make some New Year's resolutions, all of which directly benefit his whims, of course.
— "Deck the Halls With Buddy Holly"? Really, Drunk Patty? Is it Boxing Day yet?
— Refrain from batting tree ornaments? Be patient waiting for boxes? A cat can only handle so much!
— Except Drunk Patty, and Mittens is asked to knead her gassy belly while she watches wrestling.
— Mittens texts with Drunk Patty, Stumpy, Grandma and his Mom. Phil? Who wants to text with a dog?
— He's sure his relationship with Stumpy is toxic, and the dog smells like cottage cheese. He texts.
— His blanket is missing and Drunk Patty's coming over. Oh, and Judge Judy without snacks? Insanity!
— The disappointment continues for the texting cat.
— In other news, Phil the dog should get a job.
— A stare from Phil the Dog, meanwhile, inhibits Mittens' "craft" of chirping at woodpeckers.
— Phil the dog is impregnating Mittens?! Uh, no. Autocorrect strikes again, and Mittens is a target.
— He wants the fancy food from TV. Where's that blanket? How many bad jokes can he make?
— He texts about Lil Bub, yogurt lids -- and whether he'll inadvertently become a Scientologist.
— And now, more texts from Mittens: "You left LinkedIn open. You now may or may not be the new regional manager of Hooters."
— He is thankful for unlimited data. His human, not so much. This cat needs to get out more often.
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