It’s that time of the year again: Parents are scanning the aisles of Target and Walmart and ticking items off seemingly endless school supply lists. When my kids were in elementary school, I practically needed to take out a small loan to purchase all the “needs” on their lists. Now my son is in high school and the list is smaller, but now I require the loan for the crazy calculator he and other students need for advanced math classes. My high-school math skills never required such a high-tech device. I always counted with my fingers — and still do. (Shhh!)
I know from experience that my cats love office supplies. They constantly bat pens, paper clips and Post-it notes off my desk. If cats went to school (it could happen), I think they’d be thrilled with the supplies on their little lists.
I remember the night before the first day of school was always exciting for me. I’d lay out all my pretty folders, perfectly un-chewed No. 2 pencils and Trapper Keeper with the gray tabby kitten on the front. My cats would definitely spread their school supplies across the living room floor, but the pencils wouldn’t stay unchewed for long.
Here are five school supplies my cats would need for “cat school.”
Highly swattable, pens and pencils would top their list. I assume all the floors at their schoolhouse would be slick to provide for optimum batting … except for a single square of carpet in the corner where they’d immediately go if they needed to cough up a hairball. Because everyone knows cats would rather leave it on a carpeted area even if a smooth surface is but a few inches away.
Paper! My cats love wadded-up balls of paper. Any kind will do, and I’m sure teachers would allow cats to bring in their favorite kind. Notebook paper is more crinkly than construction paper, so it’s an obvious favorite.
Human teachers are always asking for tissues for the runny noses that undoubtedly come along with a classroom of children. I remember buying the jumbo packs — I think most parents did. And about halfway through the year, the tissue supply would usually be depleted and they’s ask us to send in more boxes. Cats love tissues and tissue boxes, but not for the same reasons — they prefer to pull tissues out of the box just for the sport of it. Their school would even have a tissue-pulling team. I hear tryouts are excruciatingly competitive.
What school supply list is complete without a backpack to haul all books, pens and overpriced calculators back and forth between home and school … or, in the case of kitties, simply relaxing inside of? Cats are huge fans of backpacks and are eager to try all of them one before settling on the perfect one. For many cats, this an incredibly difficult decision.
Although schools usually supply textbooks, sometimes parents are asked to provide special ones for particular classes. Cats are big fans of books and any kind of magazine or reading material. They’re perfect for sleeping on during nap time. Yes, no matter how old the cat is, nap time is a very large part of the school day — probably most of it.
What kind of supplies would your cats need for cat school? Tell us in the comments!
Top photo: Shutterstock
Let Catster make you laugh:
Read more by Angie Bailey:
About the Author: Angie Bailey is an eternal optimist with an adoration of all things silly. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, thinking about cats doing people things and The Smiths. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, Texts from Mittens (birthed right here on Catster) and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that features sketches and mockumentaries. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food.