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My Cat is a Total Stalker -- and I Love Him For It

Cosmo lives to monitor my every move, but I can't imagine life without my fuzzy little creeper.

 |  Aug 4th 2014  |   18 Contributions


Cosmo is my soul-cat. Do you know what I mean? Has there ever been one particular cat with whom you've connected on a uniquely deep level? We love all our cats, but I know others who've shared their life with one particular feline who occupied a special place in their heart. Cosmo is that cat for me. 

"Look at me."

And it's not just that I adore him, he lives to monitor my every move. I'm not even kidding -- that cat is a total stalker. When he's not sleeping, he's either looking at me or looking to get into my lap -- usually both. Even when I don't immediately see him, if I closely scan the room, I'll find his Granny Smith-green eyes laser focused on whatever I'm doing. Probably taking mental notes to study later when he settles in for his stalker debriefing.

"I'll just be right here."

If I (heaven forbid) forget to bring him in the bathroom with me or close the door for privacy (what's that?), he immediately and desperately pounds his paws on the wooden door. I swear he sounds like an axe murderer is chasing him. Such urgency just to watch me pee! He just can't handle not being able to see me. Does he think I'm holding other cats in secret, behind the bathroom door? It's really humorous ... except for the part about having to hop from the toilet to open the door.

"Still here."

He shifts into super-stalker mode while I'm working. You see, if I'm sitting in one place for an extended amount of time, he feels he must claim my lap. Unlike Phoebe, who'd rather tromp across my desk and stretch out on top of all my important papers, he just wants lap space. Plus, he knows I won't go anywhere if he's anchoring my body to the chair. In the winter, he's a great lap warmer. 

"Whatcha doin'?"

The truth of it is, I really love how attached he is to me. I adore his loving gaze and don't even mind his happy purr-induced drool dripping on my pants. There's something special about knowing another being loves you so intensely. I know my human kids love me very deeply as well, but now they're teenagers and no longer pound on the bathroom door when I'm doing my business. That'd be kind of weird at this point, right?

"I see you."

Cosmo's been my personal stalker for 12 years now -- that's right, his obsession began as a tiny tuxie kitty-boy. I don't know what I'll do when he can no longer hover. I prefer not to think about that too often, because he's quite healthy and his stalking duties don't seem to be suffering. His eyes are still laser-focused and his paws pound like those of a three-year-old cat. I don't think he'll be retiring any time soon.  

Do you live with a kitty-stalker?  Tell us about your experiences in the comments!

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About the Author: Angie Bailey is an eternal optimist with an adoration of all things silly. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, thinking about cats doing people things and The Smiths. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, Texts from Mittens (birthed right here on Catster) and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that features sketches and mockumentaries. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food.  

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