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Dear Humans: 5 Reasons to Be Thankful for Us, Your Cats

I recently found a letter from Toby containing the reasons we should be thankful for him. Oh, Toby.

Meghan Lodge  |  Nov 12th 2014


My cat, Toby, has turned out to be quite the scribe. I would mind this less if he would quit stealing away my favorite pens and best paper for his writings. Some of it is hardly legible, but occasionally I will discover a clearly written piece, and it usually has a message to me, such as On the Ethics of Feeding Cats: An Ode to Wet Food and Why Beds are Warm. This time, the letter I discovered was more of a list — a list of reasons we humans should be thankful for our cats, and, more specifically, why our family should be thankful for Toby.

Here are the five things Toby wrote on his list:

1. I provide the best wake-up service

For some reason, the humans’ blasty alarm things cease to work two mornings each week. As I know, they prefer to wake prior to dawn to serve me fresh food and scoop my box, I am glad to serve as their alarm. I start with a gentle scratching of the carpet beneath the bedroom door, and move to a subtle shaking of the door. Like most good alarms, I work on an escalating scale. By 4 a.m., I have typically moved to a hard-shaking, fervent scratching, and I begin a loud yowling noise while leaping up and hitting the doorknob. I then retreat for about half and hour and, like magic, a disheveled human appears. I am a wonderful alarm, and they should be thankful.

2. I believe in being supportive

Each morning, the female human checks out the water box. She must be dumb, because otherwise she’d realize the moment she steps in, a torrent of water is going to come down on her head, and it will not release her for several minutes. Then, she emerges like a bedraggled rag-doll. While she’s trapped in the water box, I do my best to show my support by using my litter box at the same time. I figure since it’s a box, it’s like … being trapped in a box in solidarity. I like to make sure my poo is extra smelly, just as a warning to the water monster in the big box that he better release my human or I will do something about it.

3. I believe in showing gratitude

Okay, I know this whole letter is about things I do that my humans should be thankful for, but I also wanted to note that I show gratitude daily. As I mentioned earlier, the humans clean out the litter box each morning, as well as each evening. I like to hop right in once they are done scooping and pee and poo my biggest and best to let them know just how much I appreciate the clean box.

4. I have great patience

First, they brought home the grabby thing they call a “baby.” I have shown great patience with this tiny human, and we have an understanding. Then, they told me they were bringing me home a “girlfriend,” just to discover she was a HE! As tribute to my great patience, I have only bitten him once. We have since become very good playmates, so long as he leaves me be during nap time.

5. I donate for humans’ comfort

I have heard the humans complain about getting cold at night, so I graciously rolled all over their bed covers to leave some of my warm fur behind. I have plenty, so why not share? Of course, I hope they realize how much warmer they are with my fur and decide to let me sleep in there with them. I am excellent at keeping faces warm.

Yes, that certainly sums it up. I am an extremely well-mannered and supportive cat, and they should be quite thankful for that. I am also pleasing on the eye, so that must be a bonus … oh wait, I must go! I hear the water box going, so I must go scare off the water monster!

Forever wonderfully yours,

Toby

Read more things cats have written:

About Meghan Lodge: Fits the Aquarius definition to a fault, loves animals, and is always pushing for change. Loves ink, whether it’s in tattoos, books, or writing on that pretty sheet of blank paper. Proud parent of Toby (cat) and Axle (dog). I’m a former quiet nerd who’s turned bubbly animal-obsessed advocate.