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5 Reasons Why My Cat Needs a Life Coach

She's a food-obsessed slug. Her self-esteem is buried in the litter box. A life coach could help!

 |  Jun 13th 2013  |   11 Contributions


Saffy is a gorgeous gray gal. For real -- she could be a cat model. That part's the good news. The not-so-good news is she doesn't really do much and her self-esteem is buried pretty deeply in the litter box. I feel so badly for her because Cosmo and Phoebe treat her like a second-class citizen, and she spends her days sitting pretty in her basket thinking about food or actively seeking food ... usually not her own.

We, of course, play with her and offer equal snuggle time, but that doesn't seem to make her any more animated. I'm not asking that she Prancercise or juggle ketchup bottles (although that would be crazy-cool) -- I'd just like to see her chase something un-food-related now and again. And because she's a bit of a slug, I wind up writing way more about Cosmo and Phoebe and taking fewer photos of The Saffster. And for that, I feel a world of guilt.

Saffy, the first step is admitting you need help.

Here are five reasons why I feel like she could seriously benefit from some one-on-one time with a life coach. 

1.  She needs to express herself

A new hairdo always helps boost the old self-image.

Sometimes we allow ourselves to fade into the background when we don't feel self-confident. A new look often helps us feel ready to shine! Saffy could definitely visit the beauty parlor and try on a fresh new 'do.

Some cats like to set themselves apart with a fashionable hat or smart sweater. Saffy opts to skip the duds and favors the au naturel style, but is willing to toy around with wigs and colored nail caps. Just because she's 13 and has only six teeth in her mouth doesn't mean that she doesn't want to feel fancy.

Oh, Saffy ... the "Rachel" is so 1995.

2.  She needs to get out of the basket

Saff, you can't hide from your problems.

Although we play with her every day, she's just not one for a lot of physical activity. Perhaps some of it is her age, but she never really has been much of a go-getter. I think if she picked up a hobby of some kind, she might feel more motivated to leave the basket. She's always loved batting around game and puzzle pieces, so why not go with what she knows? Plus, she might meet new friends who appreciate her penchant for checkers and the gentler side of life.

Maybe a hobby?

3. She needs to set goals

Goal: Stop stalking everybody's food.

Setting goals helps give us vision and direction. Even baby steps are helpful. Lounging in a basket may be Saffy's favorite pastime, but anything food-related comes in a close second. When she's not feeding her own face, she's either stalking another cat's food or jumping on the counter, sniffing around for scraps of human grub. She's thinks she's totally sneaky, but she's totally not. Plus, losing a pound or two might help her feel a little more svelte and slinky. Look out, fellas: Here comes a six-toothed cougar hottie!

Shifting away from a food-centered existence will be challenging for her, but I think with the nurturing guidance of a life coach coupled with daily journaling and affirmations, this goal is very doable. Imagine how much more popular she'll be at parties! After all, others tend to avoid the girl who always has their face buried in other partygoers' plates.

Goal: Limit takeout pizza to once a week.

4. She needs to stay focused

Ignore other cats' attempts at hassling you.

It's hard work to stay focused when other cats are constantly harassing you. Saffy will have to learn to tune out the naysayers and keep Stuart Smalley's voice on a mental loop: "I'm good enough. I'm smart enough. And doggone it, people like me." 

Mix it up by frequently changing positions.

5. She needs persistence

Chin up, old girl -- you'll get there!

I know it feels like a lot to chew on (apologies to Saffy for the food reference), but I'm confident she has the fortitude it takes to sparkle with the best of them. After some time with a skilled life coach, she'll be ready to take on the other cats, her personal demons ... and the world!

And remember you have lots of love and support.

Does your cat need a life coach? Tell us about it in the comments!

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About the Author: Angie Bailey is a weird girl with freckles and giant smile who wants everyone to be her friend. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, and thinking about cats doing people things. Wrote a ridiculous humor book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that may or may not offend people. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food.

Read more by Angie Bailey: 

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