Mayaisms

Understanding Humans

April 6th 2013 4:40 pm
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You know what? I don't understand humans. At all. I really would like to, but I just can't figure it out. They make a big deal about putting all there things in big boxes (and not letting me play in them, I might add), and they spend all this time leaving me at home, and when they are home talk about "moving" and all the places they've seen. I won't deny, it's the boxes that are the hardest part. Mommy has a big stack in the bedroom and she won't let me play with them! Ugh, humans can be so frustrating.

And then, and then, and then they just take everything back out! We don't go anywhere, nothing happens, they just take it all out and put everything back, like they changed their minds. What was the point of any of it?

So I don't understand humans. Anybody to help me out here? I'm starting to think I'll never understand anything they do. None of it makes sense.

And by the way, they STILL won't let me play with the boxes.

 

Stake-Outs and Fish Dinners

March 12th 2013 5:19 pm
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Fish. The humans are having fish for dinner. I could smell that fish from all the way upstairs. Mmmm. It was just sitting there, waiting for me. I know, I know, I'm not supposed to take food from the people. But how dare they eat fish and not give me some!

I just wanted a little taste. Just a little tiny bit of fish. I'm a good girl. I don't get into fights like Isy does and I don't attack Mommy's ankles so much anymore. So don't I deserve just a little piece of fish? Just a little one?

Apparently not. The humans weren't about to give me any, so my plan was to go on a stake-out and get some for myself. Brilliant, wasn't it?

So while the fish was still in the oven, I slipped into the kitchen and looked around for the perfect hiding place. Somewhere they wouldn't see me, but where I could see them. So that as soon as they took the fish out and put it up on the counter I could steal some. It was the perfect plan. And I had the perfect hiding spot--right there behind the oven. There's a little space there, just wide enough to get into.

It was really good for a while. Until smoke starting coming out of the oven. That was the scary part. This thick smoke came out and it was everywhere and Grandma opened the front door and it was FREEZING outside. And Mommy came out of her room and she was coughing and apparently I wasn't as sneaky as I thought, because Grandma started shouting about me being back behind the stove and she threw some treats back there. I guess she wanted to lure me out.

But I'd never give up fish for a couple treats, even if they were seafood flavor, which is my third-favorite flavor, right after catnip and cream. I managed to pull them closer with my paw and eat them anyway.

Mommy's better at that kind of thing, though. She had the treat bucket, the little white one she just got and filled up. And she didn't just thrown them back towards me, she held a treat out so I had to go up to her.

Ooh, and it was a green one, the catnip flavor (Mommy doesn't let me have real catnip) and I can't resist something like that. Fish or treats, fish or treats?!

It was such a hard decision! But Mommy wanted me to come out and all that smoke was scary, so I had to go. She even gave me a few more when we went back up to her room--she shut the door so I can't get back down there.

But Grandma just called that dinner's ready, and I bet that fish is still down there. Sitting out on the counter while everybody gets their food, unguarded once they all sit down...the counter pretty high up but I've seen Isy make the jump. I bet I could.

Gotta go. My fish dinner awaits.

 
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