Snoop, what gives? You passed cat and went straight to lion? You can’t do that. THERE ARE LAWS.

Seriously, rap icon to rap icon, how could you?

Let me break it down for you, Snoop. Can I get a beat? The counterpoint to dog is cat. Snoop Dogg should be Snoop Cat. And Snoop Doggy Dog should be Snoop Kitty Cat. Anything else is an abomination of nature. Do you know how ridiculous Snoop Lion-y Lion sounds?

Do you know how ridiculous all of this sounds?

You’re getting bad advice, Snoop. You’re messing with the order of things. What you’re doing is right there with Dr. Moreau, if I can ease up on the hyperbole a bit. Who’s working for you now? Val Kilmer? Papa John? Kelly Cutrone from MTV’s The Hills?

Didn’t Dr. Dre tell you any of this? Dre is probably leaning back on his yacht off Greenland right now, saying, “Man, I knew some guy on the Internet would take Snoop down a peg because passed over cat and went straight to lion. Pass me another Rolls Royce.”

Dre was right, Snoop! You’re down a peg!

Besides, look how much better your lyrics would be with you as Snoop Cat:

Yeah roll up the dank, and pour the drank
And watch your step (why?) cuz Snoop Cat‘s on the gank
My bank roll’s on swoll
My s***’s on hit, legit, now I’m on parole, stroll.

Wait, bad example. There might be kids reading this. Kids, Snoop Cat is talking about making a tuna sandwich and chasing balloons in a park with a chaperone. Don’t repeat any of this.

Of course, I see where you’re going with this: You’re into reggae now, and in Rastafari, the Lion of Judah symbol represents Emperor Haile Selassie I of Ethiopia, crowned Nov. 2, 1930, with the titles King of Kings, Lord of Lords, Conquering Lion of the Tribe of Judah, Elect of God and Power of the …. zzzzz.

Oh, pardon me, I fell asleep reading Wikipedia because I was just listening to some reggae.

You know, all of this could have been avoided if you’d just seen Rasta Cat:

Top Photo: Lion Pic + Snoop Photo via Shutterstock.