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Mother’s Day Gifts From Cats: How Did It Go?

We rate feline Mother's Day gifts (rodents, hairballs, butt in face) and suggest improvements.

Michael Leaverton  |  May 13th 2014

On Sunday, Mother’s Day, your kitty might have given you a gift. Hooray for you! Unfortunately, there is a high likelihood that the gift was awful, because it came from a cat. Cats are the worst at giving gifts. We take a look at some gifts cats gave this year and offer gentle tips on how they can be improved next year.

1. Gift: Flowers

How they were delivered: Ripped from the garden and strewn unceremoniously on the kitchen floor under the cabinet with the vases; also, some might have been ingested and then thrown up on the bed (sorry).

How they were received: With a scream.

How it could be improved next year: A kitty holding single daisy in her mouth would stop time, you know? Give it a shot.

Gift ranking: 2/10

2. Gift: Candy

How it was delivered: The candy was not delivered so much as eaten and then vomited onto a pillow.

How it was received: With a another scream.

How it could be improved next year: When giving a gift of candy, it is not necessary to sample every piece, “to make sure it’s OK.” What are you, Garfield?

Gift ranking: 0/10

3. Gift: Hairball

How it was delivered: Hacked ceremoniously and with much fanfare and spittle and just plain racket onto the carpet in front of the bed, at 3 a.m.

How it was received: With a scream, but more fatigued than usual.

How it could be improved next year: Maybe refine your technique and hack the hairball over the fence into the neighbor’s yard? Or why don’t you perch on the toilet and drop it into the water? Yes, we’re aware that your gift recipient won’t actually see your hairball, but a hairball is a really crappy gift — you know that, right? Get your head in the game, cat.

Gift ranking: 1/10

4. Gift: Song (“Master of Puppets” by Metallica)

How it was delivered: Meowed at the foot of the bed at 3 a.m. (a lot was going on at 3 a.m.).

How it was received: Well, the first part — melodic purring — didn’t get much reaction. The second part — the yowling — kinda tore the house apart.

How it could be improved next year: Cool it on Metallica’s back catalog. If you could nail the Meow Mix theme song, you’d be in treats for a month.

Gift ranking: 1/10

5. Gift: Dinner (one mouse, deceased)

How it was delivered: Disgustingly.

No, really: Well, the usual way, you know? In bits and pieces all over the patio.

How it was received: With expletives. She’s really got a mouth on her.

How it could be improved next year: We keep going over this, but again: What you do with your predatorial instincts is your business, but it doesn’t need to cross the property line.

Gift ranking: 1/10

6. Gift: Increased attention (butt in face)

How it was delivered: Butt in face.

How it was received: Ewww, ew, ew, ew.

How it could be improved next year: No butt in face! Butt facing away from face!

Gift ranking: 1/10

Was your cat aware of the holiday? Did she give a gift not on this list? How did it go? Let us know in the comments!

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