Editor’s Note: This is the second in a five-part Catster holiday series. If you missed day one of Frank the cat’s epic mission to destroy the Elf on the Shelf, you can catch up here.

Day two: 7:30 a.m.

I just heard the humans pull down the driveway, and now it’s time to figure out how to get rid of that Elf. I think he knows what I’m up to because he looks extra creepy. As if that were even possible.

How am I going to get on top of that shelf? I can’t jump that high, that’s for sure. Of course the humans don’t have any furniture placed near the shelf. Stupid feng shui, whatever that is.

Why won’t he stop looking at me? Is he waiting for me to do something naughty so he can report back to that Santa mafia-boss guy? Well, he’s out of luck because right now I’m only focused on getting him off the shelf.

And then what? I guess I hadn’t thought that far ahead. Should I kill him? How would I even go about that? I’ve only killed bugs and one mouse that was already kinda dead. The elf knows what I’m thinking, I’m sure of it. I think I just saw his leg move. Or did I? Is he going to jump off the shelf and kill me? I do not know the answer to that question, and that’s the problem.

I need to go undercover, and fast.

Day two: 8:20 a.m.

Now I’m behind the sofa, where I can see him, but he can’t see me. I think. But I’m pretty sure he’s taunting me telepathically. Stop it! I can’t think straight. My thoughts are jumbled and I keep getting flashes of the elf jumping off the shelf and tackling me. Then I’ll be dead and I won’t have anything in my stocking. Merry Christmas to me. Who’s the naughty one now, Mr. Pointy Hat? Who? Not me.

Stop thinking, stop thinking, stop thinking. I can’t let him read my mind because then he’ll have the upper hand. Rats! I can’t stop thinking! I guess this is where the humans will find me: dead behind the sofa, with no trace of foul play. Because why? Because that blasted elf will be back on the shelf! Smiling and full of dirty secrets! My fate is sealed.

[Check back tomorrow to see Frank’s next daring move to get that Elf off his back!]

Read more Frank the Cat vs. the Elf on the Shelf:

Read more funny stuff on Catster: