You can tell a lot about a person based on the contents of her purse. What we feel the need to keep close at hand indicates our priorities. I’ve always carried a large bag because I want to be prepared for anything. These days I carry my cute Catster tote. It holds tons of stuff and, well, it’s adorable.

Here’s what happened when I dumped my bag:

If you didn’t know me, you might assume a few things by examining some of the contents of my purse:

  • I carry two bottles of lotion — I must enjoy hydrated skin. This is true.
  • I have a granola bar, which means I don’t want to get caught mid-snack attack and be snack-less. This couldn’t be more true. I’m one of those people who gets hangry (a dangerous combination of hungry and angry) when my blood sugar drops. Trust me, it’s not pretty.
  • Multiple purple pens mean I like the color purple and, in case some pen thief borrows one of my pens and doesn’t return it, I have backup purple pens. So true.
  • A Hello Kitty notebook keeps me ready to take notes or write quick reminders for upcoming writing projects. This is especially helpful when I’m stuck in a waiting room … or making a list of friends who are pen thieves. Great idea!
  • The iPhone is my lifeline to the world when I’m on the go. I can text, make calls, play games, or create awesome cat videos on Vine. Yes!

What if a cat carried a purse? Well, I think it would actually be more of a paper bag that could double as a cat cave. The contents might be very much the same as what you’d find in my bag. Let’s take a closer look.

1. Feeling board

Sure, I sometimes carry an emery board in case I snag a nail. Phoebe carries one because she’s obsessed with chewing on them. Sometimes she even steals one and races away with it dangling from her teeth. With one in her bag, she could sharpen her fangs at a moment’s notice. Goody.

2. Self-medication

I am prone to headaches so I always carry a little bottle of ibuprofen in my bag. I’m not the only one who enjoys self-medicating — cats would definitely tote around a bit of catnip in their bag. A nice cat always carries enough to share with her friends.

3. Passing the time

My phone and notebook help me pass the time when I have a few spare minutes on my hands. I’m pretty sure cats would carry a toy or two for just that very reason. Hey, maybe I should put away the Words With Friends and start batting around a catnip owl. Like I need another reason to make people talk, right?

4. The finer points of play

I like to keep my purse stocked with pens, and cats do, too … but for different reasons. They don’t care about ink color or debate the finer points of ballpoint vs. gel. They just want something slidey that they can bat around on the floor. Yay, pens!

5. Snick-snack

Like me, cats love their snacks and would certainly keep their purses stocked with treats of all kinds. After all, they can’t always count on humans to deliver the noms when they want them, and who wants to see a hangry cat? Not me.

6. Sloppy seconds

I keep a supply of tissues in my purse. There’s nothing worse that having a runny nose and nowhere to blow. Kitties love tissues, but mostly used ones they’ve dug out of the wastebasket. So, yes, they’d definitely carry a collection of tissues in their bags, but they’d be the ones I’d already used to blow my nose. Ew.

What would your cat carry in her purse? Tell us about it in the comments!


About the Author: Angie Bailey is a weird girl with freckles and giant smile who wants everyone to be her friend. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, and thinking about cats doing people things. Wrote a ridiculous humor book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that may or may not offend people. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food.

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