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5 Ways My Cats Make Sure I Never Leave the House

I try to walk out the front door -- but those looks they give me make it so difficult; see for yourself.

Heather Marcoux  |  Sep 30th 2014

I know cats are more independent than dogs, but I believe some kitties would still prefer their people to stay home with them all the time. Based on their behavior, I’m pretty sure my girls, Ghost Cat and Specter, have hatched a plan to manipulate me into leaving the house as little as possible. I have some cute pictures to prove it. Here are five ways my cats are trying to prevent me from leaving the house.

1. By providing me with irresistible kitty kisses

It never fails. About 15 minutes before I leave the house, one of my cats will jump on my shoulders to offer me affection in the hopes of convincing me to stay home. Specter especially doesn’t want me to go out that door because if I leave, then the chances of bits of food falling to the kitchen floor drop from “probable” to “unlikely.” So when Specter sees me grab my purse she seizes the opportunity to show me some love, and since I love getting her love, I end up being late for whatever thing I am leaving the house for.

2. By hiding in rooms they shouldn’t be in

Because Ghost Cat once ate the corner of a bed post on a brand new bed, there are certain rooms that the kitties aren’t allowed in unsupervised. Part of my exiting-the-house routine involves kicking the kitties out of the bedroom and bathroom and shutting the doors behind me.

A couple months ago poor little Specter must’ve been hiding behind the shower curtain when I shut the bathroom door, because when I got home three hours later Specter was trapped in there. She was scared out of her furry little mind and had shredded the lovely wallpaper in our bathroom.

Ever since then I do a roll call before I leave the house, and half the time, Specter is not present when her name is called. This results in me having to go back into the bathroom and bedrooms to make sure I didn’t miss her. Sometimes she does a good job of hiding and gets into the closet or under the curtains, but most of the time when I open the door she’ll just be waiting for me to find her. For Specter, it’s all just a fun game of hide and seek. For me, it’s making me late.

3. By refusing to listen to me until I sing the wet-food song

Once both cats are rounded up and accounted for it is time for them to go into the less destroyable section of our house. After the wallpaper shredding incident in the bathroom, my husband installed a door to separate a cat area (because our kitchen is covered in the same shreddable wallpaper). On the other side of their door Ghosty and Specter get three couches, tons of empty room to run around in, a TV room and the almost-outdoor sunroom. On our side of the door, we get to come home to a living room and kitchen that are not destroyed. It’s win-win!

The only problem is getting the cats to get the heck out of the kitchen in the first place. These two stubborn kitties just will not budge — unless I sing the wet food song.

"All the little kitty cats, kitty cats, kitty cats, all the little kitty cats, come and eat some wet food."

There are several more verses, in which I name each cat and describe exactly how much they want some wet food, but you get the idea.

The song always ends with the promised delivery of the canned kitty goodness, but having to sing it in the first place adds precious seconds to my time in the race to get out of the house.

4. By using the powers of their cuteness to induce guilt

Even if I can musically convince the cats to go into their half of our home, I can’t convince Ghost Cat not to abandon her wet food in favor of watching me drive away. It breaks my heart when she runs into the sunroom as I head for the door. I see her cute little face as I back out of the driveway and suddenly all I want to do is hurry up and come home from wherever it is that I’m going. It’s adorable that she comes to say goodbye to me, but it makes it so hard to convince myself to go.

5. By looking so sad when I get home that I never want to leave again

As soon as I pull into the driveway Ghost Cat will dart out of her little cat door and into the sunroom, like she’s been waiting to hear the crunch of the gravel since the second I left. Sometime she’ll have persuaded Specter to come with her and they’ll both press their paws against the screen door as I get out of my car. More recently, Ghost Cat has enlisted the dog, GhostBuster, to help her look as pathetic as possible when I get home. How could I look at those sad little faces and ever want to leave them again? The doe-eyed act gets me right in the heart, and means I’ll stay close to home — at least until we run out of cat food.

Do your cats need your constant company, or are they happy to have some independent time? Let us know in the comments!

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About the author: Heather Marcoux is a freelance writer in Alberta, Canada. Her beloved Ghost Cat was once her only animal, but Specter the kitten and GhostBuster the dog make her fur family complete. Heather is also a wife, a bad cook and a former TV journalist. Some of her friends have hidden her feed because of an excess of cat pictures. If you don’t mind cat pictures, you can follow her on Twitter; she also posts pet GIFs on Google +