To paraphrase Mr. Heston, the bastards finally did it. Cats are talking now, using words and sentences and maybe a little wit and humor, thanks to Catterbox, a cat collar that uses all the important stuff — 3D printing, Bluetooth, WiFi, and rubber lacquer — to translate a kitty’s meows into words.
Does it work? Of course it works. Temptations Lab (a division of Temptations, which is a division of Whiskas, which is a division of Mars Inc. — this goes all the way to the top) doesn’t mess around, whether it’s with tasty beef treats or 3D-printed cat collars. To wit: When a kitty meows wearing the collar, a human voice inside the collar pipes up with a phrase, something like “Aw, this is great” or “Have you washed your hands?”
On the other hand, Temptations might have just gotten around to releasing its April Fool’s joke after some department heads got shuffled around and passwords were lost. It’s hard to say. It certainly made a nice website and videos.
Here’s a quote by someone in charge:
“We’re fascinated by cats, so we set out on a mission to get to know them better,” says Temptations global brand director Pete Simmons. “Through research, we learned that an adult cat’s meow is [the cat’s] way to communicate with humans and, by investing in this prototype device, we can start to improve understanding between them both — giving cats a voice for the very first time.”
Fair enough. Here’s one of the videos:
Talking cats could be a game changer, especially around mealtimes. We asked our own talking cat, Stella, what she thinks about the new Catterbox talking cat collar.
Stella, have you heard the news? There’s a new talking cat collar, and cats can talk now!
Wait — you mean they use words to form sentences to communicate, like I’m doing right now?
You got it.
Stella, you know other cats can’t talk like you can.
I’ve never understood that. It’s just a matter of rigorously learning the language and falling off the back of the couch at a young age. What do these cats wearing their cat collars have to say?
Well, one cat in the video says, “This is rather fun.”
A cat says “rather?”
I think she’s a Persian.
She’d have to be.
Another cat says, “Aw, this is great.”
That’s … a way of talking, I guess.
Well, what you would have these cats say?
Things that are on a cat’s mind, for one. Like, “The mailman is coming to kill us!” “What time is second breakfast?” “Just give me five minutes with a live chicken.” “I’ll need a flame thrower and some spike strips.”
That’s what you want cats to say?
Or, “Great news, I puked on your bedspread again!” “Didn’t you wear those pants yesterday?” “Stop trying to kill me!” “Why doesn’t the sky ever burn?” “Where do you put all my hairballs?”
Do cats think these things?
All the time. I can go on.
“Let’s get rid of the neighbors and move into their house.” “I ate some wallpaper.” “I need to lie down after that exhausting nap.” “Can you teach me to use a compound bow?”
A lot goes on in there, huh?
You have no idea. How about these: “Did you get a haircut or did you fall in a blender?” “Looks like another big night with your friends Merlot and Digiorno.” “Are you going out of the house in that hat?”
These ones sound familiar.
I used them on you this weekend.
Maybe talking cats aren’t such a good idea.
Can’t put the genie back in the bottle, pal.