Welcome, friends! Another week is gone, and it’s time for another Fanglish lesson! Hopefully you’ve been doing your homework, reviewing each week’s terms and keeping them in your mental vault. There are never any tests, but we can’t risk having the lessons in writing anywhere else but here. Our cats are unaware that we’re secretly learning about their underground language. Don’t worry, I have this post encoded so if cats look at it, all they see is an article about ear mites.
My feline informant breaks the feline code of ethics and brings us a new list of cat slang each week. In exchange for a large bag of treats, he lets us into a world that’s been — until now — unknown to humans. None of us can dispute cats’ intelligence, so of course it’s no surprise they’ve been hiding a lexicon of slang from us since the olden days. We humans must stay on top of all things cat, though, so here’s my saying “You’re welcome” for providing with this valuable information. The only thing I ask is that you keep all of this to yourself. We don’t want our little informant to get found out by his peers. Then we’d have to say goodbye to our weekly lessons. We’d be Fanglish-less.
This week’s list is all about the affection between cats and humans. Even though kitties can sometimes be a bit (or a lot) on the standoffish side, they usually come around and become vulnerable with us. Kitty love is where it’s at!
So here we go, folks — your weekly serving of Fanglish!
Multiple cats surrounding a human and purring.
“The Lady had a stressful day at work, and decided to call in the motor club when she arrived home.”
A human entering a home after being away for an extended period of time.
“Mathilda heard the garage door open and knew she was moments away from receiving her door prize.”
The feeling a cat and human share when they choose one another at a shelter.
“The Man petted Ophelia through her cage, and they immediately shared a homing instinct.”
Making it difficult to breathe because a cat is lying on one’s chest.
“The Lady awoke to see Misty sleeping on top of her, a truly breathtaking moment.”
A cat who enjoys cuddling with humans underneath blankets.
“Juan was an undercover lover, which The Lady especially loved during the winter months.”
A cat’s euphoria when a human scratches under his chin.
“Thomas was all about the Zen-chin, and The Lady was happy to deliver it.”
Pleasant rubs and scratches a human gives a cat following a meal.
“Winston thought the only thing better than a bowl full of beef and gravy was the grub-and-rub that followed.”
Desired to lovingly knead on a human’s body.
“The Man stretched out on the sofa and Applesauce suddenly kneaded space.”
The panicky feeling of separation cats feel when a closed door stands between them and their human.
“Moo Shoo’s a-door-a-tion was apparent after The Lady closed the bathroom door and stepped into the shower.”
A purring cat who’s flattened herself against a human’s body.
“When The Lady sat down in her office chair, Sweet Pea turned into plaster of purris.”
A cuddle from a cat who’s comforting a sick human.
“Lou Lou delivered a much-needed purrscription to The Man, who was down with the flu.”
Kissing a cat’s face multiple times.
“Hector looked so unbelievably adorable that The Lady couldn’t help refacing him.”
A lap snuggle before a meal.
“It was nearly time for the evening meal, but Theodore wasn’t quite finished with his lappetizer.”
A cat who insists on snuggling against a human’s head while it’s resting on a pillow.
“The Man woke up with a sweaty head because Ortiz was a pillowcase the entire night.”
That’s it for this week! Remember to practice your Fanglish terms — in your head — and come back next Friday for a poppin’ fresh lesson.