Lifestyle

5 Reasons My Cats Would Wind Up in Therapy

By Angie Bailey

, July 29, 2014

I’ve spent my fair share of time in therapy over the years. I’m a big believer in working through my crap, and have never had an issue with sharing all the details of my life. In fact, you could call me a bit of an oversharer, which tends to work well in a therapist’s office.

Cats are naturally neurotic and most should probably seek the help of a good therapist. Hey, if it works for us humans, why not offer our favorite felines the opportunity to process their struggles and baggage? Here are five reasons why my cats would wind up in therapy.

1. Humans with boundary issues

Cats can become extraordinarily frustrated with humans who continue to cross boundaries. For example, I completely hog my own bed pillow, which clearly belongs to Cosmo. And then I have the gall to occasionally move my cats from chairs so I can sit down. Excuse me! Boundary crossed! In therapy, he’d learn how to positively manage his feelings surrounding these atrocities.

2. Closed doors

Most cats can’t stand a closed door. They become panicky and frantically pound and whine. This kind of panic is one of the number one reasons my cats would find themselves stretched out on the couch in a therapist’s office. There, they’d learn coping skills to use when overcome with the panic of a closed door. Most cats usually return to therapy multiple times to work though this type of anxiety.

3. PTND (post traumatic neuter disorder)

Cosmo was neutered right on schedule, and has been a happy, healthy cat his entire life. I have no evidence of this, but I’m pretty sure he might be experiencing PTND. Every once in a while he stares at walls and looks as though he’s reliving something confusing and disturbing. At a therapist’s office, he may undergo hypnotherapy to go back and heal any bad memories surrounding his neutering experience. Then again, he could just be staring at walls.

4. Plastic-licking

My Phoebe goes bananas over plastic or tape of any kind. Of course, we don’t allow her go to town chewing and licking these materials, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t lust after them. A series of therapy visits would definitely help her explore the root causes for her obsession and eventually kick the habit. As a part of her program, the therapist would encourage her to attend a weekly support group.

5. Relationship issues

Sometimes we struggle with relationship issues and need the guidance of someone who’s helpful and unbiased. Cats are no different. They become caught in love triangles and wonder if they’re making the right choices when it comes to their love life. Saffy always faces this problem right around Halloween, when her two gentleman callers appear and vie for her attention. How could she possibly choose? Her therapist would help her weigh the pros and cons of each relationship, and then wish her well until the following October.

Why would your cats land in therapy? Give us some examples in the comments!

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About the Author: Angie Bailey is an eternal optimist with an adoration of all things silly. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, thinking about cats doing people things and The Smiths. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, Texts from Mittens (birthed right here on Catster) and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that features sketches and mockumentaries. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food.

Tags: Humor, Offbeat

Angie Bailey

Angie Bailey, an award-winning writer, podcaster, and humorist, is the author of Texts from Mittens and Whiskerslist: The Kitty Classifieds. She’s written cat humor for over a decade, and lives in Minneapolis with her fiancé and two cats — Phoebe, a sassy senior and Janet, a teenage kitty with tons of tortitude.

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